Tag Archives: Walter Jones

Farewell, Big Walt

You all know the stats (just 23 sacks in over 5,000 passing attempts, with two of those being relinquished in a 2008 game where he was injured).

You all know about the longevity (13 seasons with the Seahawks, 180 games played, 180 games started).

You all know about the greatness (Mike Holmgren once referred to Walter as the greatest offensive player he had ever coached, while a laundry list of superstar defensive players have called him the toughest opponent they’ve ever faced).

What you may not know is that Walter Jones was so ridiculously obscure, so humble, and so underrated for what he did that a Google Image search returns more pictures of the guy by the same name who played the original black Power Ranger than of No. 71.

Yep. It’s kind of funny the way you don’t notice a great offensive lineman until he’s gone. And Walter was once of the greatest. Ever.

We wish you well, Walter. And we’ll see you in five years, in Canton.

Twitter-Abuse Among Athletes Becoming All Too Prevalent

For the second time in the past few months, Walter Jones has announced his retirement. Via Twitter. And we don’t know if he’s telling the truth or not.

Why Jones would choose to announce that he has “come to the concussion it is time for me to retire from football” through an informal website is beyond me. The fact that a correction was posted a half hour later, replacing “concussion” with “conclusion” just goes to show how lame-o this whole Tweeting situation is becoming.

There are some guys out there who use Twitter to everyone’s advantage. Like Chad Ochocinco, for instance, who has, at various points in time, turned his account into a giveaway hotline or a source of neverending entertainment.

When he isn’t buying strangers movie tickets and handing them out through his account, Ochocinco can found dropping TwitPics such as this one, which was taken on Saturday from Miami.

You might not always agree with what Johnson tweets, but more often than not you’ll find yourself laughing, smirking, or smiling at his wit…brought to you in 140 characters or less, naturally.

Unfortunately for us, for every Ochocinco there are a handful of athletes who aren’t nearly as humorous, charitable, or entertaining.

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Top 11: All-Laminated List Team

We could have called this the “Top 11: Athletes You’d Let Your Significant Other Sleep With” but the heading was too long, and not exactly catchy. So we cut some words, came up with a creative title, and boom, you have your All-Laminated List Team. The Laminated List, as many of you I’m sure are aware, is a compilation of people (usually celebrities) who your average man or woman could fornicate with, without any repercussions whatsoever, regardless of a prior, binding relationship.

What we’ve decided to do is count down 11 athletes who are worthy of your wife’s or girlfriend’s lists. Guys who you would have no qualms about turning your lady over to for an evening. The only condition we’ve installed is that these athletes be current, active players in either the college or professional ranks (so no Michael Jordan, for instance). Without further ado, onto the list.

Mad-Dog woos the ladies.
Mad-Dog woos the ladies.

11. Mark Madsen, Forward, NBA, Minnesota Timberwolves.

Vital stats: 6’9″, 255 lbs, 33 years old, 0.3 PPG (’08-’09), 1.1 RPG (’08-’09).

Reason you’re cool with him boning your lady: There is no harder worker in the NBA than Mad-Dog. You know–and I mean, you really effing know–that if he gets your lady into bed, he’s going to give her 110% maximum effort before he calls it quits. No player on this list will treat your girl better, and when he’s done with the one-night stand, he’ll gladly return Ms. Right back to your waiting arms exactly as he found her.

Reason he’d make her list: Madsen is a Stanford alum, so he’s pretty intelligent. Plus he’s got the intensity that a passionate woman could appreciate.

Continue reading Top 11: All-Laminated List Team