Tag Archives: Top 11

Top 11: Twitter Avatars and What They Say About You

twittereggYour Twitter avatar is more than just a picture on a page. It’s a reflection of who you are, and the first thing everyone sees when they come across your profile.

While it may seem like each avatar is unique, there are a number of different categories into which every photo  can fall. Today, we examine the meanings behind 11 of those categories.

What does your Twitter avatar say about you? Let’s find out.

11. The Celebrity

Key Indicator: 

The face of a famous person anyone with two eyes and a brain would recognize.

Profile:

Hey, look, it’s not you. We know it’s not you because we’re pretty sure that’s Ryan Gosling, and you are definitely not Ryan Gosling. If you were Ryan Gosling, you’d likely have more than 74 followers and proudly display a blue-and-white checkmark next to your name. You can’t fool us, Not Ryan Gosling.

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The Top 22 Mariners Promotional Ideas Gone Wrong

centerfield

It’s like two Top 11 lists in one!

22. Danny Farquhar Disappointing Growth Chart Day

Guess what, kids. You’re probably not going to grow to be 6’10” like Chris Young, or even 6’3” like Felix Hernandez. More than likely you’ll stand about 5’9” or so, which is both the average height of the American male and the exact listed height of reliever Danny Farquhar. We’re not here to lie to you or falsely inflate your hopes. Instead, we’ll just give you this disappointing Farquhar growth chart and watch you blossom into a really mediocre adult.

21. Cole Gillespie “Guess Which of These Guys Is Actually A Mariner” Night

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Top 11: Most Awesome Unclaimed ’80s Walk-Up Songs

Brit-Hit2Credit Oakland Athletics outfielder Josh Reddick with making ’80s music relevant among today’s major leaguer hitters and their walk-up song choices. It’s Reddick who has recently been raising eyebrows and inspiring headlines with his selection of George Michael’s Careless Whisper as his at-bat anthem. Though Reddick will surely receive the accolades that come along with making a leap towards owning a libido-arousing romantic soft rock ballad, I like to believe that my earlier Mariners-centric request penetrated Reddick’s consciousness and moved him to take action.

Reddick certainly isn’t the first pro ballplayer to capture the hearts of audiences with a decades-old medley to call his own, but the curious nature of a sentimental tune that so blatantly diverges from the mean of driving, bass-heavy tracks is hard to ignore. Nick Punto, a teammate of Reddick’s, has used The Outfield’s 1985 hit Your Love as his song of choice this season. In years past, journeyman outfielder Michael Morse has delighted fans by employing A-ha’s Take On Me and Eurythmics’ Sweet Dreams, and even before that Ichiro Suzuki once upon a time took to the batter’s box to Michael Jackson’s Thriller.

But it’s clear that the more outrageous one gets with their music selection, the more likely he is to garner some extra attention. That’s why we’ve put together a list of the 11 best ’80s songs still not utilized by major league hitters. What follows is one’s ticket to the hearts (and possibly loins) of millions of adoring onlookers. Dare to be different. Dare to be awesome. Dare to choose one of these songs as your walk-up music.

11. St. Elmo’s Fire (Man In Motion)

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Top 11: Ways You’ve Been Spending the Seahawks Offseason

House_of_Cards_Season_1_PosterFootball season is over and baseball season has yet to begin. We’re fully immersed in that special time of year when basketball and hockey take center stage, which in turn means Seattleites have nothing to do right now.

As a result, you’ve been productively slogging your way through other things that aren’t football since the magic of Super Bowl XLVIII a distant five weeks ago. And what exactly have you been up to? Read on and we’ll find out…

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Top 11: Reasons America Hates Richard Sherman

Richard-Sherman-postgameRichard Sherman, meet America. America, Richard Sherman. Try your best to get along, you two.

11. He’s from Compton.

Compton. You’ve heard about this place. It’s a scary, scary little neighborhood. The concrete jungle, they call it. Jungles are frightening. Concrete is also frightening. They shoot people there, supposedly. Gangs run rampant through the alleyways. Wannabe rappers approach you on street corners, Discmans in hand, demanding you listen to their mixtapes. There is nothing more petrifying than that.

And Richard Sherman, he’s from there, he’s from Compton. California! Everyone there smokes marijuana! And carries an AK-47, just like Ice Cube said! How did Sherman escape? He must be some sort of magician, or worse, a wizard. Not the good kind of wizard, either. He’s like Voldemort. The Voldemort of Compton. What do we do? WHAT DO WE DO?!

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The Top 35 Twitter Personas We Love To Hate

mackdaddywonkaTwitter. A haven for self-aggrandizing mini-stories. A place for all of us to get together and meet without ever having to see an actual human being. For all the reasons we love Twitter, there are an equal number of reasons we hate it. The following 35 personas are the main contributors to our loathing.

35. The Mack Daddy

Sample tweet: “@HotGirl1 You look beautiful today ;)”

Forty-seven years of life has yielded no spawn for this man. E-Harmony has failed him, while Match.com sadly yielded no matches. He friend requested everybody on Facebook, but only 64 people reluctantly confirmed his acquaintanceship. The last time he had sex was during the Bush administration…Bush Senior, that is. With nowhere left to turn, The Mack Daddy has opted to spread his virtual seed on Twitter. The benefactors of his admiration? Every woman he deems beautiful. Maybe even you. Check your DMs, pretty lady…

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Top 11: Problems With the 10-1 Seattle Seahawks

Your 2013 Seattle Seahawks are 10-1, which in and of itself is a problem because obviously, hah, they’re not a perfect 11-0. Yeah, they might be the best team in the NFL right now, but there’s always room for improvement. That’s why we’re here today to point out 11 of their greatest flaws. Trust me, when we win the Super Bowl, you’ll be grateful we addressed these problems so early on. Go Hawks.

11. Marshawn Lynch’s Beacon Plumbing ad, which is frightening.

Their slogan is “Stop freakin’, call Beacon,” but in reality the freakin’ starts with the ad pitched by the Seahawks’ starting tailback. The tone with which Lynch delivers his endorsement of the local plumbing company is the type of tenor you might expect to hear right before you get stabbed in the heart or kicked in the testicles. Maybe Beacon can consider public speaking classes for the celebrities giving their testimonials in the future, but for now the entire Greater Seattle area lives in fear of clogged drains.

marshawn

10. There aren’t enough police officers at CenturyLink Field.

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Top 11: Reasons Cliff Avril Freaked Out on the Sidelines During Sunday’s Game

During Sunday’s game against Atlanta, you may have noticed Cliff Avril going ape shit on the sidelines in the second half of an all-but-secured Seahawks victory. Avril appeared to be passionately berating his teammates for reasons unknown to many, including coach Pete Carroll, who said on Monday that he wasn’t sure why his starting defensive end was so upset.

We may never get to the bottom of the Cliff Avril freak-out, but we can surmise at least 11 reasons why Avril acted the way he did. At the very least, I think we can all relate.

Why was Avril so angry? Well…

11. All those Candy Crush invites on Facebook.

“I don’t want to play Candy Crush, Richard! STOP SENDING ME INVITES! I WILL DE-FRIEND YOU!”

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Top 11: Reasons the San Francisco 49ers Suck

sourdoughsamHere’s a list we narrowed down from one-billion. Enjoy.

11. Frank Gore sucks.

He scored a 6 on the Wonderlic test…out of a possible 50. His showing ranks as one of the worst all-time scores in Wonderlic history.

Rather than calling out coverages, perhaps Seahawks linebackers should pepper San Francisco’s running back with stupid questions before the snap. “Hey Frank! Spell all forms of the word ‘there.’ All forms, Frank! Not just one. And then use each form in a sentence so we know you’re not bullshitting us.”

10. Their mascot sucks.

Did you know that the Niners’ mascot is a cartoonish cowboy named Sourdough Sam? Probably not, since Sourdough Sam is the stupidest name ever. I imagine a cowboy named Sourdough Sam would be the first one to die of dysentery on the Oregon Trail. Or worse, he’d drown in the very first river you forded.

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Top 11: Worst Seattle Sports Jerseys You Can Possibly Own

Men-s-Nike-Seattle-Seahawks-15-Matt-Flynn-Limited-Steel-Blue-Team-Color-NFL-JerseyEvery year, clothing companies mass-produce replica jerseys of some of the biggest names in sports. Every year, sports fans the world around purchase these jerseys. And every year, without fail, a handful of the men who inspire these jerseys fall farther and farther out of relevance, spiraling downward into a pit of despair filled with bitterness and loathing.

We buy the jerseys of players that have been great leading up to this moment or may be great later on. We buy knowing that we’re making an investment in the future that may not pay off. We buy because our fanaticism overtakes our ability to make rational decisions.

Replica jerseys have really only been relevant for about two decades. Prior to the early-’90s, the jersey fad had yet to catch on. But with the advent of cheap polyester and screen printing, lifelike uniforms could be had by the vast majority of us. And thus a movement was born.

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Top 11: Signs You’re A Mariners Fan, Part I

It’s been dubbed “Part I” because there are likely more than 11 signs of your compounded misery. I know for me there are at least 13.5 signs, maybe even 14.

11. You look forward to game days because it means you get to drink excessively.

mariners-fan-catches-foul-ball-in-beer-then-chugs

Sure, lots of people drink. But drinking at Mariners games is more than just a casual affair. You’ll need a few Bud Lights, a couple microbrews, a round of Fireball shots with the gang, and maybe even something a bit fruitier (Mai Tai, margarita) just to get through nine innings.

Instead of wasting their money on paltry-hitting designated hitters, the M’s should really consider an investment in designated drivers. Spare the roadways the hazards of a fan base in complete disrepair.

10. When you travel, you have to explain to people in other parts of the world that yes, we do have a baseball team here.

Continue reading Top 11: Signs You’re A Mariners Fan, Part I

Top 11: Questions Regarding The University of Washington’s Incredibly Stupid Twitter Rule

Earlier this week, we found out that the University of Washington athletic department has imposed an interesting policy regarding sports and Twitter. Basically, media members reporting on any Husky basketball or football game are limited to the number of times they can tweet during a contest. Yep, it’s like that.

As a proud UW alum, I’ve been schooled on recognizing stupidity. And this is about as stupid as it gets.

Putting clamps on those giving you the time of day? Really? If there’s anything we all know, it’s that in America, the media cannot be controlled. You can’t stop the media, you can only hope to contain it. And yet trying to contain it usually doesn’t work out so well.

Knowing that this will undoubtedly spiral into an abyss of long-running jokes and never-ending punch lines, I figured I’d take the opportunity to ask my alma mater why on earth they’d want to censor their guests. I’ve come up with 11 questions. I was allotted no more than that.

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Top 11: Reasons The 2012 Mariners Are Worse Than Your First Sexual Experience (aka, Your Mariners Midseason Failure Analysis)

The 2012 Mariners have been an abomination. They are Paris Hilton acting, combined with Lindsay Lohan singing, mixed with Gilbert Gottfried speaking, blended together with any of the Real Housewives screaming (“You’re supposed to be my friend, Tamra!” Well, you’re a crazy bitch, Vicki.).

Think of the worst things you’ve ever been a part of, then make them more boring than they were at the time. Like, your first sexual experience, for example. That was horrendous, was it not? Trust me, it was. You may not want to believe it was…but I guarantee you, it was bad. Which isn’t to say that you haven’t corrected yourself in the bedroom as time has passed. Frankly, it’s not easy to take what you’ve learned in health class and put it to good use. A two-dimensional vagina looks nothing like a three-dimensional vagina. They don’t tell you that, though. You have to figure that out on your own. On the fly. As a kid.

Anyway, I digress.

My point here is that if you took your frighteningly awful first sexual experience and made it boring on top of what it already was, you’d have the 2012 Mariners. The M’s are the awkward clumsiness of teenage body parts clashing together as one, the requisite forced “I love yous” that follow, the feeling of regret, the saline of tears, and that fear of “OhmygoddidIgetherpregnant?!” – yeah, that fear is real – topped off with all the pizzazz of the Vanilla Sky plot. I hope that sounds as horrible to you as it does to me. Personally, I found “awkward clumsiness of teenage body parts clashing together as one” to be the most horrible line.

Let’s call this midseason report card what it really is: a failure analysis. Not only that, but let’s list out 11 of the reasons the team is failing. We can do this. It’s on par with belting a Hector Noesi 0-and-2 fastball right over the outfield wall. So much easier than it may seem.

11. Steve Delabar is not a Major League pitcher, yet has been tasked with pitching in Major League Baseball.

Continue reading Top 11: Reasons The 2012 Mariners Are Worse Than Your First Sexual Experience (aka, Your Mariners Midseason Failure Analysis)

Top 11: Seattle Sports Fan Profiles

To a professional sports franchise, the best fans are like great pets. They never stray because they lack intellectual curiosity. They never ask for more than a little love and some food. They’re easily distracted by toys and other nonsense. Very simply, they are dumb, happy, and satisfied.

We do have some of those fans here in Seattle. Many, I’d imagine. But we also have a number of other fans. Different types of fans. Unique fans. Good fans, even. It’s time we examined those fans and looked within ourselves to find out who we truly are.

Below is a list of 11 fan profiles for your viewing pleasure. This isn’t just any list, though. It’s a list pertinent to our very region. These are Seattle sports fan profiles. They’re ours. And they’re amazing.

11. Disciples of Geoff Baker

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