The 2009 NFL Draft is fin, meaning Mel Kiper, Jr. has nothing to do. So we’ve gone ahead and come up with a list of 11 activities MKJ can undertake during his offseason in this week’s bonus Top 11.
11. Put together Mel Kiper’s Scripps National Spelling Bee Big Board. Because somebody’s gotta do it. And a quick reminder, Bee Week kicks off May 26.
10. Go back to plotting the hit on Todd McShay. The younger, more knowledgeable, better looking, less annoying version of Kiper is quietly becoming ESPN’s go-to guy when it comes to analysis on the NFL Draft. Think of McShay as Tim Kurkjian, to Kiper’s Peter Gammons.
9. Return to Safeway for his offseason job. “Mel Kiper, clean up on aisle seven…Kiper to aisle seven. Thank you.”
8. Get Lasik surgery to eliminate the perpetual squint. Contrary to popular belief, Mel Kiper is not Chinese.