Tag Archives: Time Travel

Time Traveling with the Mariners: A Chance At Do-Overs

Josh Fields

People need to understand that there is not now, nor will there ever be, the existence of time travel. Think about it. If time travel existed, we’d already know. Someone from the future would have come to inform us. I’m sure of it.

Now I know we all cite Back to the Future as a guide of sorts for navigating the space-time continuum, but that’s a movie. It’s fiction. Sure, Doc Brown says you don’t go back in time and screw everything up by talking to your past self or blowing the secrets of time travel, but come on. Look at Marty McFly. The dude nearly had an aneurysm trying to play by the rules in 1955. And I consider him a unique human being. You really think your average time traveler would be able to go back and forth without effing everything up? No. No freakin’ way.

Personally, I’ve already made a pact with myself that if time travel does exist at any point in my lifetime, I’ll come back from the future at precisely fifteen seconds from now and let myself know. You’re probably wondering if I’m kidding. I am not. And guess what, I didn’t show up. So time travel doesn’t exist. At least not in my lifetime. Because if it did, I’d be talking to Future Me right now. Unless I die young. Like Tupac. In which case, I better start writing future-dated articles to be released posthumously. I want that weird, cryptic, he’s-still-alive-somewhere-I-just-know-it legacy. We should all want that. It freaks people out. And what better feeling is there than the one you get punking people from heaven? I imagine there’s nothing greater.

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Top 11: Things I Would Do If I Could Go Back In Time

Everyone likes do-overs.

The fact is, we don’t always get it right the first time. No one’s perfect. Hence, we dream about nailing our attempts on take two.

That’s why this list has been put together for your enjoyment. It’s an in-depth look at how I would do things differently if I could go back to my youth and give it another shot. With all the knowledge I have today at my disposal, of course.

So without further ado, let’s get on with the show. Because it’s only a matter of time before DeLoreans can fly and wormholes set the world on fire.

*Editor’s note: When visualizing me carrying out these scenarios, please picture a roly-poly young buck who looks a lot like the kid from the movie Up, as displayed to your right. Thank you.”

If I could go back in time, I would…

11. …have a chat with parents who felt it was their duty to bring healthy snacks to Little League games.

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