Tag Archives: Tim Tebow

The Rant Post

Quiet everyone! An old man is talking.

Rather than bring the hammer down with a handful of articles venting about any number of sports-related topics, I’ve decided to combine all my little gripes into one giant rant post.

Here are the things currently bugging the hell out of me:

Tom Watson’s comments on Tiger Woods

I don’t really like Tiger Woods. He’s fun to watch golf on the back nine of a nail-biting tournament, I suppose, but I’ve never found myself rooting for the guy, per se.

Which is why you would think I’d appreciate Tom Watson’s recent comments on the embattled golf superstar. Take a look at what Watson had to say:

“I’ll let the cat out of the bag. Tiger has to take ownership of what he has done. He must get his personal life in order. I think that’s what he’s trying to do. And when he comes back, he has to show some humility to the public.

I would come out and I would do an interview with somebody and say, ‘You know what? I screwed up. And I admit it. I am going to try to change. I am trying to change. I want my wife and family back.’

Continue reading The Rant Post

Why We Love Steve Spurrier (Hint: Because We Hate Tim Tebow)

stevespurrierSimply put, we love Steve Spurrier because he didn’t vote for that attention whore of a bastard Tim Tebow for All-SEC preseason first team QB.

Spurrier claims it was a mistake, but I’d say it was his subconscious coming through to make the right decision.

And now Americans everywhere are in an outrage. Especially ESPN, which cannot BELIEVE, cannot FATHOM, cannot COMPREHEND why someone, ANYONE, would not vote for Lord Tebow for any award that he could capture. This is quite possibly the gravest injustice in the history of mankind.

Now Bristol’s finest are forced to take the airwaves in absolute solemnity, as if someone has just died or something.

There’s Robert Flores shaking his chubby face in pure disdain for Spurrier’s actions.

Now here comes Jay Harris with a torch, ready to burn Spurrier’s home to the ground.

Here’s Tony Kornheiser so irate over Tebow-Votegate that he just invented a new word to fully express his anger as he talked over PTI co-host Mike Wilbon for the one-billionth time: “Frumbobulated.”

Hell hath no fury like ESPN on a day when Tim Tebow has been wronged.

We need to get King Tebow’s take on this slight ASAP. Where’s Erin Andrews when you need her? Oh, right.

ESPN Goes Balls Deep With Tim Tebow During Softball Game

What time is it? Tool Time!
What time is it? Tool Time!

How do you ruin an otherwise-great sporting event? Have a phone conversation with Tim Tebow, of course.

Demonstrating an incessant desire to get in the sack with the Gators QB, ESPN had their softball announcers conduct a phone interview with Tebow in the third inning of the Washington-Florida Women’s College World Series championship game.

Tebow, proving once again that he’s still the most unlikable likable guy in America, iterated and reiterated the fact that Florida’s softball players “love each other.” Not unlike the way Tim Tebow loves the cock.

Continue reading ESPN Goes Balls Deep With Tim Tebow During Softball Game

Top 11: All-Laminated List Team

We could have called this the “Top 11: Athletes You’d Let Your Significant Other Sleep With” but the heading was too long, and not exactly catchy. So we cut some words, came up with a creative title, and boom, you have your All-Laminated List Team. The Laminated List, as many of you I’m sure are aware, is a compilation of people (usually celebrities) who your average man or woman could fornicate with, without any repercussions whatsoever, regardless of a prior, binding relationship.

What we’ve decided to do is count down 11 athletes who are worthy of your wife’s or girlfriend’s lists. Guys who you would have no qualms about turning your lady over to for an evening. The only condition we’ve installed is that these athletes be current, active players in either the college or professional ranks (so no Michael Jordan, for instance). Without further ado, onto the list.

Mad-Dog woos the ladies.
Mad-Dog woos the ladies.

11. Mark Madsen, Forward, NBA, Minnesota Timberwolves.

Vital stats: 6’9″, 255 lbs, 33 years old, 0.3 PPG (’08-’09), 1.1 RPG (’08-’09).

Reason you’re cool with him boning your lady: There is no harder worker in the NBA than Mad-Dog. You know–and I mean, you really effing know–that if he gets your lady into bed, he’s going to give her 110% maximum effort before he calls it quits. No player on this list will treat your girl better, and when he’s done with the one-night stand, he’ll gladly return Ms. Right back to your waiting arms exactly as he found her.

Reason he’d make her list: Madsen is a Stanford alum, so he’s pretty intelligent. Plus he’s got the intensity that a passionate woman could appreciate.

Continue reading Top 11: All-Laminated List Team