Tag Archives: steroids

What’s Up With Mark McGwire’s Neck?

For those you of who witnessed all or part of Bob Costas’ interview yesterday with Mark McGwire (broadcast originally on MLB Network, but clipped on nearly every media outlet), you were likely wondering the same thing as me: What’s up with Big Mac’s neck?

Like a human lava flow gone terribly awry, McGwire appears to be disintegrating between the shoulders and head, and you have to wonder if this has anything to do with steroids.

The rest of McGwire looks fine, normal even, and his face shows no sign of melting. Back in the day, McGwire was plagued by an acne problem, but that seems to have subsided for now.

To help brainstorm possible causes of McGwire’s skin issue, I’ve created this short list of explanations:

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Steroid use in cycling is comedy gold

You have no idea what you're incapable of.
You have no idea what you're incapable of.

You’re a man.

The first thing you do when you wake up in the morning is scratch your balls, then pee standing up. You may or may not shower after that.

You consume a breakfast that is primarily composed of last week’s steak dinner, yesterday’s chicken wing fiesta, and a Twinkie, just so you can get one of your daily servings of the bread/grain food group. You drink orange juice….okay, orange drink, with added sugar and carbonation. But it’s 5% juice, so that counts.

You get dressed. You leave. You work. You play. You return home. You poop. You sit down and watch TV, play XBox, eat, sleep, and repeat.

You are a man. Your day is done, your life is complete.


You’re a cyclist.

The first thing you do when you wake up in the morning is grab your syringe and inject yourself with Winstrol. You try to scratch your balls, but they’re nowhere to be found, a result of the aforementioned steroids and the fact that you spend hours a day slamming those jewels against your banana seat.

You shower for posterity, then shave your entire body for speed. No hair means faster to the finish line. You look like a skinner, dorkier, less-endowed version of a male pornstar, but you’re okay with that.

Continue reading Steroid use in cycling is comedy gold

ESPN’s Rick Reilly accuses Beltre of steroid use

beltreRemember when Rick Reilly was good at his job?  He used to find stories, research them, and make powerful, well thought out arguments on the back page of Sports Illustrated.  Then he left for ESPN, and likely a bigger paycheck.  Since then, Reilly has become the Shaun Alexander of journalism, cashing in on his payday and subsequently falling off the face of the earth with his production.  Reilly’s recent ineptitude came to a head today, with an article condemning baseball’s steroid era by lazily ripping on any player associated with performance-enhancing drugs.  Hence our surprise when amongst the likes of Barry Bonds, Alex Rodriguez, Ken Caminiti, and Jose Canseco whose name should appear but….Adrian Beltre?

Continue reading ESPN’s Rick Reilly accuses Beltre of steroid use


Danica’s tat taken out of latest SI bikini shoot.  I know.  I read that wrong the first time too.

Selig: Don’t blame me for steroids.  Bud: Don’t blame me for telling you to go f*ck yourself.

Nats prospect Esmailyn Gonzalez falsified name, age.  He said he was 19.  He’s actually 23-year-old Carlos Lugo.  My first clue would have been “Esmailyn.”

Nate Robinson goes for 32 and 10 against Spurs.  Boo.  Yah.

Texas Tech’s Leach could be fired for not signing extension.  File that away under “Problems Tyrone Willingham Will Never Have.”

Hornets trade Tyson Chandler to Thunder.  Welcome to Hell!  The locker room is down the hall, right next to the Fiery Pit of Eternal Doom.  Remember New Orleans?  Remember Chris Paul?  That was fun, wasn’t it?  Well, that’s all over now, allow me to introduce you to Earl Watson….

Saints cut McAllister.  ESPN didn’t have the balls to title this “Saints Drop a Deuce.”

Someone inject A-Rod with truth serum

arodpcWorst.  Press conference.  Ever.

That about sums up Alex Rodriguez’s meeting with the media this morning.  It was Godawful, and A-Rod did nothing to repair his image in any way, shape, or form.  In fact, if you didn’t walk away from that joke of a press conference hating Alex Rodriguez even more than before, you might be stricken with an illness of some sort that you should probably have looked at by a doctor.

Let’s recap some of the highlights of the media session, shall we.

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Ortiz wants juicers to face one-year ban. Boston Red Sox designated hitter (and former Mariner farmhand) David Ortiz says he wants those baseball players who test positive for steroids to be suspended for one year.  This means that a) Ortiz doesn’t use steroids b) Ortiz used to use steroids, but no longer does (possible, considering a drop in production the last few years) c) Ortiz uses steroids, but is confident that his piss is clean (very possible, considering modern technology and the advancement of drugs) or d) wants Alex Rodriguez to miss the ’09 season (most likely).

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SSN Fantasy Baseball League: Both Nate and myself will be hosting a Seattle Sportsnet fantasy baseball league for the coming season for those of you interested. We will be setting up a free, 12-team league through ESPN, and this will be your chance to take on the pseudo-experts. If you’d like to join, send us an email at seattlesportsnet@gmail.com and we’ll hook you up with all the info.

Continue reading to hear about Google PageRank, Bud Selig, and more…
Continue reading Digressions