Tag Archives: Stephen Hawking

Here’s A Boring-Ass Article On The Boring-Ass Mariners

A lot of people think the Mariners might suck this year, and chances are they’re probably right. But you know what, there’s no way to tell how sucky this team may be until the season plays out, which leaves a big gaping hole of doubt right now.

That said, the one thing we do know about your 2011 Seattle Mariners is that they’re currently boring as sh*t. That might even be an understatement. They’re the equivalent of Stephen Hawking reading the nutrition facts off a box of bran flakes while you watch C-Span and wear beige. It’s that mind-numbingly bad.

Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time — one week ago, to be exact — I tried to write an article on this year’s M’s. I sat down and couldn’t do it. Not at all. Being the diligent professional that I am, I went back and took another stab at it the following day. And failed once again. In fact, I’ve been trying to write something about this team for the past seven freakin’ days and I can’t do it. Because there are no story lines there. No exciting story lines, at least.

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