Tag Archives: Seahawks

Karate Emergency Ep. 2.14: The Force Awakens

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It’s Star Wars week, and once you get past the first five minutes of Slickhawk nerding out to his favorite movie series, you’ll find we discuss things you might actually care about.

The Seahawks have a tailback conundrum so severe that Christine Michael is back. And to make matters more interesting, Ray Rice rumors even popped up for a day or two, leading us to debate whether Rice deserves another shot at the NFL or not.

The story of the Great Basketball Ban is fully revealed, Alex is involved in a Twitter scandal, and Kelly has some terrible news for all the meerkats.

May the force be with you.

Karate Emergency Ep. 2.13: Women in Sports

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Oh, hey, a borderline insane, entirely sexist article about women faking an interest in sports was published in Seattle Weekly this week, so we discuss it on today’s episode.

But wait, there’s more.

The Mariners continue to make headlines with a flurry of moves, the Seahawks are suddenly fielding a capable offense, and UW basketball is stomping lesser opponents thanks to one of the least heralded, yet most accomplished Huskies of all-time.

All of that, plus a segment in which Kelly goes on a rant about undergarments and freely offers up her own wardrobe preferences. Enjoy it, meerkats.

Karate Emergency Ep. 2.12: You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out

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Slickhawk returns after a few days spent with a murderer, and the crew has lots to discuss.

The Huskies put a whooping on the Cougars in the Apple Cup, the Seahawks have more questions than answers in the wake of a critical injury, and Jerry Dipoto is out to save the Mariners by dealing everyone he comes in contact with.

On top of that, Kelly has a new meerkat, this one more famous than his constituents, and Alex got shot in the face.

Happy listening!

Karate Emergency Ep. 2.11: Slick’s Dating A Serial Killer

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Sans the dramatic intro music, the gang is back to discuss the Apple Cup, Husky Basketball, Russell Wilson’s personality problems, and the standard dose of grumpiness.

Amidst it all, we reveal that Slick may be dating a serial killer and we welcome in a special guest to help us break down the Husky/Cougar rivalry.

 

Know Your F@#%ing Opponent: Arizona Cardinals

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After a brief hiatus, KYFO is back on what we’ll call a Wolf Grey Friday. This week’s Sunday Night Football showdown pits your Seattle Seahawks against the mildly-hated Arizona Cardinals. Know them, learn them, loathe them.

There’s a new sheriff in town. And he looks like an aging version of Ralphie from A Christmas Story.

Bruce Arians is the type of progressive thinker who transcends the game of football. He is to the NFL as the inimitable Joe Maddon is to Major League Baseball. Just look at him. Even if you know nothing about his philosophy, you can tell by his trendy eyewear that stat nerds will be whacking off to every decision he makes until the next bespectacled Kangol-hat-sporting savant comes along. Arians understands all the advanced metrics and really, really gets it because JUST LOOK AT THOSE HORN-RIMMED GLASSES, YOU NEANDERTHALS!!!

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Karate Emergency Ep. 2.10: Where Do Broken Hearts Go

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A critical bet is resolved with a winner and a loser, despite being predicated by a situation that ended in a virtual tie.

Russell Wilson went to Mexico with Future Junior and Future Junior’s mother, UW football needs two wins in three games to become bowl eligible, and the excitement of college basketball is finally upon us.

But mostly, we talk about sex parties, strip clubs, Whitney Houston, and what you can learn about a man through pickup basketball. Thanks for sticking with us through all of this debauchery.

Karate Emergency Ep. 2.9: The Band’s Back Together

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Original Karate Kid Ryan Divish makes his triumphant return to the show, as our trio expands to a foursome for a night.

We explore the Mariners with Divish, talk some Seahawks, and even touch on UW football.

Most importantly, though, we delve into the world of fans being fans of fans and annihilating other fans, blast local news organizations for jumping on the Seahawks bandwagon to their own self-serving benefit, dissect petitions started by the 12s, give #AllCreditToGee, and break down Kelly’s upcoming date with a soccer personality.

We cap it all off with a rousing edition of America’s favorite game, You Can Only Have One, in the rowdiest episode of the year. Enjoy the aural pleasure.

Karate Emergency Ep. 2.8: Don’t Make Drunken Bets

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Bad news is revealed, as Slickhawk has sabotaged the show by making a drunken bet that will ultimately force us to talk about something truly awful. Until that day comes, however, we can still focus on the present.

The Seahawks have an upcoming battle against the hated Dallas Cowboys, who happen to field one of the world’s worst human beings in Greg Hardy.

The NFL is a money-making machine that has found new, horrible ways to bring in more revenue.

The Mariners hired a new manager, Scott Servais, but is he the right fit for a team in perpetual disarray?

And grumpiness reigns supreme as the NBA season kicks off for the eighth time since Seattle lost its Supersonics.

Eight episodes in, eight weeks down. If we were a high school couple, this would be quite the milestone.

Find every episode on iTunes here.

Karate Emergency Episode 2.7: Flying the Coop

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Was Fred Jackson drag racing? Is it possible he jumped the time-space continuum? We take the case to The People’s Court for further deliberation.

Beyond that, there’s a heavy deal of grumpiness with Starbucks (and plastic knives and Halloween costumes, but mostly Starbucks) to kick off the show, we preview the Seahawks-49ers bout, the UW-Oregon debacle is recapped, and we put a nice bow on episode seven with a testament to true love.

 

Karate Emergency Episode 2.6: Steve Sarkisian and the Difficulties of Confronting Substance Abuse

TUCSON, AZ - OCTOBER 11:  Head coach Steve Sarkisian of the USC Trojans on the sidelines during the college football game against the Arizona Wildcats at Arizona Stadium on October 11, 2014 in Tucson, Arizona.  The Trojans defeatred the Wildcats 28-26.  (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)

The Karate kids kick off the sixth episode with thoughts on the upcoming Huskies-Ducks showdown, complete with a wager on the game.

From there, we talk Seahawks-Panthers, then devote the back half of the show to a more serious conversation on Steve Sarkisian and the difficulties of confronting the very real scenario of substance abuse in our everyday lives.

It’s a bit of different show this time around. Check it out.

Find every episode of Karate Emergency free on iTunes by clicking here.

Know Your F@#%ing Opponent: Cincinnati Bengals

17Happy Blue Friday, 12s, and welcome once again to another installment of Know Your [Bad Word] Opponent. This week we bring to you the least exciting undefeated team in football, the Cincinnati Bengals. Enjoy.

If you’re a child of the ’90s, as I am, you may remember going to pizza parlors throughout your youth and depositing quarters into machines that dispensed fun, enjoyable crap.  You put a quarter in, you spun a handle, and crap came out. Think of all the things you would never need, the things you couldn’t pawn off at your mother’s garage sale for a nickel. These were the very things kids like you and I were getting out of the veritable money pits polluting the entryways of Godfather’s, Shakey’s, Azteca, Red Robin, and more. Sticky hands, super balls, flimsy keychains made in China — a plethora of junk that could entertain a group of 10-year-olds for two or three hours, at most.

Continue reading Know Your F@#%ing Opponent: Cincinnati Bengals

Karate Emergency Episode 2.5: Don’t Be A Meerkat

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Kelly’s love life has roped in a number of casual onlookers, including one of Seattle’s intrepid sports reporters. In true NFL pregame style, we break down the chances of finding love for each of these inquiring individuals.

On top of that, we enjoy a spirited discussion on the future of Tom Cable and the Seahawks, plus delve into a full post-mortem on your 2015 Seattle Mariners.

To listen on iTunes and download every episode of the podcast for free, check us out here.

Know Your F@#%ing Opponent: Detroit Lions

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The bluest of Fridays to all 12 of you reading this! We’ve reached Week Four of the NFL season, and this week’s Seahawks opponent you need to know about is… the Detroit Lions.

Golden Tate is back! The guy who is absolutely, unequivocally, 100-percent responsible for Russell and Ashton Wilson’s divorce is returning to Seattle this weekend to wreck some homes, jack a few doughnuts, and maybe make a catch or two.

What? Don’t pretend like you weren’t consumed by the Golden-Ashton rumors. They may be silly. They may be unsubstantiated. They may not even be true. But don’t deny it: you were sucked into the juiciness like a 40-year-old single woman on Bachelor night.

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Karate Emergency Episode 2.4: Taking Down the SeaPimp

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Slickhawk kicks off Episode 4 by verbally suplexing another one of Seattle’s most loathed creatures. It’s a Karate Emergency tradition.

We then dispose of your Facebook hoaxes in a raging dumpster fire, analyze all the Golden Tate rumors, theorize about Momma Lynch’s grammatical acumen, weigh in on the Mariners front office, piss on the ashes of Oregon football, and tie it all together with a deep and meaningful conversation on dating one’s ex.

Check it all out in the fourth installment of Karate Emergency: The New Class, and be sure to find us on iTunes!

Know Your F@#%ing Opponent: Chicago Bears

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Hello 12th People, and welcome to another Blue Friday. Today marks the third installment of our weekly preview on the Seahawks’ 2015 opponents. Our subject on this particular Friday: the Chicago Bears.

The Chicago Bears. My god, are they bad. This might very well be the worst team in the NFL, which may come as a shock to some of you since it wasn’t that long ago the Bears were actually decent. But man oh man, have they found ways to make themselves shitty the past couple seasons.

Let’s start from the top.

Following the 2012 campaign, the Bears fired head coach Lovie Smith, who didn’t totally suck. Rather than hire a better version of Smith to lead them, Chicago panicked and snagged Marc Trestman from the CFL. That’s right, Canada. They hired a quarterbacks guru from football’s minor leagues and expected it to work out. Naturally, it did not.

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