Those homewrecking charlatans. Those self-indulgent jerks. Those bastard sons of bitches.
We were in a relationship once, you know. For 41 years. Happily married. We entrusted them with our hearts and our souls. And then one day they ripped them to shreds.
But they didn’t just stop there.
The divorce was bitter. They took everything and left us with nothing but memories. They had all they needed, but still wouldn’t quit. They spun a dirty narrative: that we weren’t any good to them, that we didn’t do enough to keep them around, that it was our fault, that we were the bad guys.
What had we done besides faithfully devote ourselves to them? We showed up en masse, filled an arena to its gills, lived and died through the good seasons and the bad. They weren’t satisfied with leaving, though. They needed the rest of the world to scorn us, too.
We’re in mourning over the death of Sonics Arena this week, at the hands of the evil Seattle City Council. In the aftermath of the execution, reaction has been decidedly negative. Is the vitriol warranted?
Seattle’s favorite quarterback weighs in on the arena news, but does he really deserve praise for backing the movement?
And the first place Mariners, winners of 14 of their last 19 games, are finally refusing to lose. What’s next for the hometown nine?
All of that, plus Slickhawk tries his hand at glamping on this week’s Karate Emergency!
Here in Seattle, we’ve been watching your basketball team and its slobber-knocking run to an inevitable playoff ouster. We see the joy our former Sonics have created. We see the passion your fans have for this championship-losing bound bunch. We see the arm-waving, cousin-banging Thunder-up insanity of it all.
And we wonder if it’s time you went and fucked yourselves.
You’ve got a great, albeit unaccomplished basketball team.
We’ve got a great football team.
Can we all just agree that you’ll go fuck yourselves?
Sure, there will probably always be some people in Oklahoma City who want to get along with Seattle because they need validation and have a strong desire to be liked and accepted by all of society. They watched a couple years ago when the Thunder lost in the NBA Finals and felt that a future of fateful title defeats might be avoided if a bit of good karma was extended the Pacific Northwest’s way.