Tag Archives: Safeco Field

Scoring On the Road: How Married Mariners Hitters Differ From Their Unmarried Counterparts

In professional athletics, it’s widely understood that players will often go on the road and engage in sexual relations with ladies who are neither a) their wives, nor b) their girlfriends. This culture of romantic infidelity in sports is nothing new. We’ve been hearing about it for years. If you aren’t onto the shenanigans by now, I urge you to get with the program. This happens in every sport, on every road trip, amongst a wide array of highly-paid infidels. God forbid you’re the poor love interest of an athlete who wasn’t aware this was occurring. It’s occurring, woman. I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

For those athletes who are devoted to wedded bliss, it’s entirely possible that the sexy time they get away from their home city may in fact be better than it is within their own domicile. Instead of one woman who Joe Athlete has gotten used to bumping and grinding with, Joe gets to undress and play with a bevy of chicks who he has absolutely no obligations towards. If nothing else, one has to reckon that these affairs must be quite liberating. No, the ol’ ball and chain won’t let you put it there, but that Annie Savoy wannabe across the country? Oh yeah, she’s all about that.

Continue reading Scoring On the Road: How Married Mariners Hitters Differ From Their Unmarried Counterparts

Critical Critic Criticizes Safeco Field

This guy doesn’t know what he’s talking about. What a dweeb.

You may remember a few months ago when I posted this article about a review that some dude (me) did on Safeco Field. Well, after more than half a year, the website that the review was written for — StadiumJourney.com — is now up and running. You can also find them in the links section of the site over on the lefthand sidebar.

To briefly explain my stance on the review (which was written back in August, by the way), I tried to be critical of the things that most Seattle sports fans are critical of when it comes to Safeco, and likewise tried to embrace the things we tend to embrace.

Continue reading Critical Critic Criticizes Safeco Field

Safeco Field Review

safecofieldAbout two months ago, I wrote up a review of Safeco Field for an upstart website called StadiumJourney.com. StadiumJourney is on its way to becoming the premier destination for ballpark travelers in every major sport across America. Using accredited freelancers to visit and review pro stadiums and arenas across the country, StadiumJourney provides unique insight to the venues that sports fans frequent.

To read my review of Safeco Field and the surrounding neighborhood, click here.

Just an FYU, StadiumJourney is currently in blog format while their website undergoes construction.

Our phone conversation with Safeco Field

safecofieldHello sports fans. Recently, you may have heard certain Mariners commercials on your radio dial involving overzealous M’s fans and the voicemail system for one Safeco Field. In performing our due diligence to the community at large, we called Safeco Field and left the following message.

Hey Safeco Field,

It’s me, Seattle Sportsnet. Just wanted to thank you for the other night, when I penetrated your gates and serviced your concessions for nine innings.

I’m not gonna lie. The evening was intense. The moaning, the screaming….and that was just the twenty minutes I spent firing one out in the men’s room

And you may have noticed that in the fourth inning I got wood. Yep, Russell Branyan sent his bat flying into the stands, and like a champ I reached up and snatched that thing out of midair. Talk about a souvenir.

I have to admit, though, my favorite part of the evening was the climax. The walk-off home run by Jose Lopez in the bottom of the ninth was an explosion of success unlike any I’ve experienced before.

I owe it all to you, Safeco Field. Good times.