Tag Archives: Sabermetricians

“Moneyball’s” Lewis has a small penis, proving what we already knew

michaellewisEven Michael Lewis’ own daughter is out to sabotage him.

In his new book on fatherhood, the author of Moneyball describes how his daughter would, on occasion, announce to her preschool class that, “Daddy has a small penis!”

This is news to no one, of course. But just proves what we already suspected about the godfather of sabermetric journalism. Sorry, sabermetricians.

Somewhere, Steve Balboni is laughing smugly.

New York Post, Forbes.

Violent, Holier Than Thou Sabermetricians Plot Physical Retribution On Dissenting Minds

You will appreciate our statistics! Or we will hurt you!

That’s the message sabermetricians have been trying to send as I peruse the internet in search of the ever-increasing amount of feedback to our whimsical piece on the over-perpetuation of baseball statistics.

Of course, there are the vocal members of the online minority (aka real-life majority) who catch the humor in what we’re trying to say about the people behind sabermetrics. And we appreciate them for their support.

Unfortunately, the folks who live and die through the quantification of a sport that we all should be able to enjoy won’t have it that way. Just to play it safe, you better bring your scoresheet and pencil to the next baseball game you attend, lest you get accosted in the parking lot by a math guru.

I hear that sabermetricians support Michael Vick’s abuse of pitbulls and hate newborn kittens, too. What is this world coming to?  *Head-shaking emoticon.*

Holier Than Thou Sabermetricians Rain On Our Parade

Uh, yeah, you smell like corn chips and poo.
Uh, yeah, you smell like corn chips and poo.

Sabermetricians. Ugh. It’s like Major League meets Revenge of the Nerds, except the nerds aren’t fun and they think they’re better than you. And Bob Uecker isn’t there to keep things interesting with the occasional witty one-liner.

I can’t say that sabermetrics as a statistical form of analysis isn’t effective, because in many cases it is (on-base percentage, for example). I just really don’t like the guys behind the numbers. Poindexters from Ivy League schools who lack the social skill to relate to other people, but can explain the value of a ground ball by drawing a diagram and involving advanced mathematics (and they say baseball is boring).

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