Tag Archives: Russell Wilson

Karate Emergency Episode 2.2: Hawk Havoc, Date Updates, and Beer-Chugging Goalies

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Two episodes in and we already have conflict. The Seahawks are in complete disarray, Slickhawk is in need of an intervention after one awful weekend, and Kelly may or may not have cheated at H-O-R-S-E on a date.

But there is good news!

We have an intro and an outro now, so enjoy the crap out of that.

Karate Emergency: The New Class is here to stay. Check it. Plus, find us on iTunes under “Karate Emergency.”

God: Chancellor’s Situation “Not In My Hands”

God-FootballHEAVEN — Refuting comments made Monday by Kam Chancellor in a report from 710 ESPN Seattle, God, Lord of All Things, spoke on the record to inquiring reporters for the first time in several millennia.

“I absolutely, one-hundred-percent do not give a damn,” said God, when asked about Chancellor’s claim that a contract dispute with the Seattle Seahawks was “in God’s hands.”

“Is he planning to part the Red Sea anytime soon? Will he be leading an entire group of people to freedom from religious persecution? No? Then that shit is not in my hands,” proclaimed Our Lord.

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The PTBNL Podcast – Episode 7: Russell Wilson’s Abstinence, Fireworks-Related Injuries, and the Future of the Mariners’ Broadcast Team

If you’ve found yourself wondering what the Seattle Mariners broadcast team will look like in 2016 — Is Dave Sims getting canned? Will Aaron Goldsmith be back? How long can Jay Buhner stay squishy? — we’ve got the inside analysis in this week’s podcast.

In addition, the inimitable Matt Holt joins the show to talk about the hilarity (I mean, tragedy) of fireworks-related injuries among pro athletes, the craziness of the DeAndre Jordan free agency saga, Robinson Cano’s stomach issues, Russell Wilson’s abstinence, and much more!

A Dating Playbook for the Newly-Single Russell Wilson

Russell-Wilson-GQ-2The Seahawks released a peculiar statement on Wednesday announcing the impending divorce of quarterback Russell Wilson from his wife, Ashton. Who knows for sure why the organization deemed this press release-worthy, but they did and now everyone seemingly has an opinion on the biggest news of the Seahawks’ offseason.

It’s anyone’s guess as to why the Wilsons are legally separating, but certainly none of our business to speculate. Regardless of the how or the why, though, you have to respect the decision of two young adults who married fresh out of college and have made the difficult decision to move forward with their lives individually.

All things considered, we now progress into a world where Russell Wilson has become Seattle’s most eligible bachelor. This is both good and bad for the Super Bowl hero, as enterprising young women across the Puget Sound will immediately begin vying for Wilson’s attention (good), but may be doing so without the best intentions in mind (bad).

At the same time, if you’re the signal-caller of a championship football team, how do you prepare yourself to begin dating again? As someone who has always preached that “the separation is in the preparation” – admittedly, not the best quote to pull in this time of imminent estrangement – the 25-year-old may need some help. Hence, we’ve created this handy dating playbook full of questions and answers.

Question 1: Is she only into me for my money?

Most of us don’t have to worry about this because we’re poorer than shit. But for Wilson, who stands to make millions upon millions of dollars in the coming years, this is a real problem.

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The Seahawks Need Their Opponents to Start Playing Up To Them

Pete Carroll, Marshawn LynchThe national media will have you believe two things about the Seahawks. One, they like to run up the score on their hapless opponents. And two, those very same hapless opponents are playing down to the Seahawks. It doesn’t seem to make much sense. You can’t have it both ways, America. Are the Seahawks running up the score? Or are their opponents playing down to them? Which is it? Make up your damn minds.

Either way, it’s clear that the nation hates the Seahawks. This team doesn’t get proper credit for their own success. They’re either winning by too great a margin, with too little class, or winning simply because the guys on the other side of the field are having an off day. It doesn’t help that our roster is filled with unheralded, unsung superstars. That your average football fan can’t identify with the badasses in our locker room because they don’t endorse Ugg boots or Gillette shaving products. They don’t know us, so they fear us, and in turn dislike us.

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