Tag Archives: Robinson Cano

Karate Emergency Ep. 25: Hashtag Opening Day

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The sun is out and baseball season is upon us, which means the Mariners and their scorching hot start are top of mind. Things are looking up for the hometown nine, but have you seen Dae-Ho Lee in Super-Mo yet? Truly something to behold.

The NCAA National Championship was one for the ages, plus what exactly did the Sounders TV play-by-play announcer do that’s so hilarious?

All that and more on this week’s Karate Emergency!

 

Mariners Rants Unleashed

SEATTLE, WA - JUNE 02:  Manager Lloyd McClendon #21 of the Seattle Mariners throws his hat after being ejected by first base umpire Will Little #93 (rear right) in the third inning against the New York Yankees at Safeco Field on June 2, 2015 in Seattle, Washington.  (Photo by Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images)
SEATTLE, WA – JUNE 02: Manager Lloyd McClendon #21 of the Seattle Mariners throws his hat after being ejected by first base umpire Will Little #93 (rear right) in the third inning against the New York Yankees at Safeco Field on June 2, 2015 in Seattle, Washington. (Photo by Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images)

The following guest article is written by Mariners Rants, who you can follow on Twitter @MarinersRants if so inclined. Be aware that the uncensored commentary below is not safe for work and certainly not for the faint of heart. The views and opinions expressed by Mariners Rants do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the Seattle Sportsnet staff.

What in the holy fuck are you motherfuckers doing out there? I mean, seriously. What in the complete and utter shit is this mess?

Here we are 54 fucking games into this godforsaken season and you assholes have somehow only managed to scratch together 24 fucking wins. Your own goddamn manager told us to be patient until the 50-game mark. Wait for 50 games, he advised, before you judge this ball club. THAT WAS FOUR GAMES AGO! And you guys are shit! It’s not hard to see. You. Are. Shit. You haven’t won shit, you can’t hit shit, your relievers pitch like shit, and everyone watching you play feels like shit because of the backasswards bullshit you’ve put us through. It’s a fucking monsoon of pure, unadulterated shit!

Where does anyone even begin when attempting to sift through all the flaws this team has displayed in the season’s first two months?

Continue reading Mariners Rants Unleashed

The 2014 Seattle Mariners Experience: Weeks 5-7 – Goodbye, Ineptitude

201405181540564464123For the Week 4 recap, click here.

Week 5

Week’s Win-Loss Record: 4-1

Overall Win-Loss Record: 14-15

Winning Percentage: .483

Division Standing: Fourth place

Week’s Opponents: New York Yankees (2 games) – Road; Houston Astros (3 games) – Road

Playoff Status: Not mathematically eliminated

Team Morale: Buoyant

***

Week 6

Week’s Win-Loss Record: 5-3

Overall Win-Loss Record: 19-18

Winning Percentage: .514

Division Standing: Third place

Week’s Opponents: Oakland Athletics (4 games) – Road; Kansas City Royals (4 games) – Home

Playoff Status: Not mathematically eliminated

Team Morale: Fabulous

***

Week 7

Week’s Win-Loss Record: 2-4

Overall Win-Loss Record: 21-22

Winning Percentage: .488

Division Standing: Third place, 6.5 games back

Week’s Opponents: Tampa Bay Rays (3 games) – Home; Minnesota Twins (3 games) – Road

Playoff Status: Not mathematically eliminated

Team Morale: Bipolar

Since the last time I penned a recap column, the Mariners have somehow cobbled together a record of 11-8, meaning they don’t suck nearly as much as they did before. At a single game under .500, the ballclub has been very nearly the definition of average despite serious mood swings in achieving their current level of mediocrity.

Continue reading The 2014 Seattle Mariners Experience: Weeks 5-7 – Goodbye, Ineptitude

The 2014 Seattle Mariners Experience: Week 1

canoYou don’t want to read about the Mariners every single day. It’s not good for your health. For the same reasons, no one really wants to write about the Mariners every single day, either. Frankly, if someone were to chronicle their thoughts on the M’s on a repeating 24-hour basis, the log of emotions would read like a crazy person’s diary. For evidence of this, go scour my Twitter account at any point in time.

To combat the daily bipolarity of the baseball team you and I choose to both love and hate, we here at Seattle Sportsnet have decided to bring you a comprehensive week-to-week recap of the 2014 Mariners experience, which in itself is sure to be a roller coaster ride of emotional proportions. While we’ll fill the remaining days of each week with more pointed discussion of the M’s – trade suggestions, Hector Noesi minor league updates, Top 11 lists, half-brained promotional ideas, et cetera – you can count on this weekly look at the team to quench your thirst for all things Seattle baseball.

Without further introduction, let’s get to the update.

Week 1

Win-Loss Record: 4-2

Winning Percentage: .667

Division Standing: First place

Week’s Opponents: Los Angeles Angels (3 games) – Road; Oakland Athletics (3 games) – Road

Playoff Status: Not mathematically eliminated

Team Morale: Decent

What the hell is going on? That’s a question many of us were asking ourselves on Wednesday evening, shortly after the Mariners completed a season-opening three-game sweep of the Angels. The Angels were supposed to be okay. The M’s were supposed to be less than okay. All things considered, a trio of wins for the boys in blue was wholly unanticipated.

Continue reading The 2014 Seattle Mariners Experience: Week 1

Believe in Moderation

believebig2Remember 2010? It will forever be etched in time as the Seattle Mariners’ “Believe Big” year. Believing big didn’t really work out the way everyone hoped, but the optimism was warranted. Coming off a promising 2009 campaign in which the team posted an 85-77 win-loss mark, the ’09-’10 offseason was full of giddiness and excitement.

Neglecting the various warts in a lineup pockmarked by over-performers and aging veterans, the M’s front office pulled off two major moves that offseason. The first came on December 8th, 2009 in the form of diminutive free agent infielder Chone Figgins. The Mariners inked Figgins to a (ugh) four-year contract that day, then waited just eight more days before pulling off their next big move. On December 16th, the team acquired starting pitcher Cliff Lee from Philadelphia for a hodgepodge of middling prospects. The move was heralded as a franchise-changer, the type that would take the organization from okay to great. With Lee and Felix Hernandez, the Mariners would be unstoppable. Never mind the fact that, assuming both aces stayed healthy, the duo would appear in just 40-percent of the team’s games. This was it! This was the Mariners’ year!

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Did You Know The Mariners’ Front Office Is A Raging Dumpster Fire?

dumpster-fire_mediumGeoff Baker, that rascal. He retires from his job as Mariners beat writer to take a new gig as The Seattle Times’ Chief Investigator, Pain In The Ass division. All that stuff he could never say about the M’s when he was an objective reporter? It shall now flow onto the interwebz like champagne in a nightclub frequented by Pacman Jones, splashing liberally onto the breasts of intrigued onlookers who soak up the spillage with smiles on their faces. This is a new era of badassery in local sports media, an era punctuated by whatever Baker shall uncover when he is not sailing the skies in hot air balloons or sampling fine cabernets in exotic locales.

As you may have read over the weekend, Baker’s inaugural foray into the world of sports business reporting (or whatever that title he’s inherited proclaims he does) was a bit of a ground-breaker, an earth-rumbling piece about the Mariners’ front office and their unique brand of dysfunction, the kind that paralyzes fans everywhere into a veritable dumbfounded/angry/terrified hybrid of a stupor. Sure, we’ve known for years that the Mariners were run by a bunch of bumbling idiots. But Baker’s piece not only highlighted the stupidity of the team’s decision-makers, it got reputable sources to speak on record about that stupidity in expansive detail.

Continue reading Did You Know The Mariners’ Front Office Is A Raging Dumpster Fire?

Welcome to the Top of the World

petersencano

Screw reality. This is everything we’ve ever wanted rolled up into a single moment in time and it’s goddamn beautiful. You want Chris Petersen? You got Chris Petersen. You want Robinson Cano? You got Robinson Cano. You want the best team in the NFL? You got the best team in the NFL. If you have a wish to make, a prayer to be answered, a request you absolutely must have fulfilled? Today is your day.

You and I, we aren’t conditioned for this. This is sleet in November, triple-digit temperatures in July. We aren’t used to what this feels like. Happiness? Euphoria? This is Seattle. Seattle. When it comes to sports, we’re the perennially disappointed, the consistently underwhelmed. We live in a snow globe where it simply rains all the time. We fall short of expectations, come up empty-handed at year’s end, tank the off-season, blow the big game, flub every opportunity at every single turn, and wallow, miserably, wretchedly, in the cynical aftermath of the emotional nuking our psyches continually endure.

They’ve called us the Worst Sports City in America. On multiple occasions, no less. It sucks to be us, they’ve pointed out. And for the most part, they’ve been right. It has sucked to be us. We haven’t done shit. We haven’t won shit, we haven’t achieved shit, we haven’t been shit. We’ve been nothing. Some cities fly under the radar; we haven’t been on the radar.

Continue reading Welcome to the Top of the World