Tag Archives: Other Sports

Athletic Supporters Send Jerry Brewer to Bullets

shvxAs the owner, general manager, and sometimes point guard of a rec team of increasingly unathletic amateur basketball players, I’m here today to formally announce the sad news of the departure of a fellow Athletic Supporter teammate of mine.

Jerry Brewer, who supplemented his time as a power shooting center by moonlighting as a columnist for The Seattle Times, has been dealt to the Washington (D.C.) Bullets, ending his tenure with the Supporters. The move will subsequently necessitate a career change for Brewer, who will be leaving the Times for a similar position at The Washington Post.

In his time with the Supporters, Brewer emerged as a favorite of the team’s five or six fans. Recognized for his matching green warmup suits, as well as his inability to corral wayward behind-the-back passes from guard Ryan Divish, Brewer etched himself into rec league lore by successfully bringing back the spectacle sport strap, not seen since Kurt Rambis last played in the NBA.

Brewer may best be remembered in Seattle for his time spent off the court, however.

Occasionally penning stories that geriatrics loved to forward via “the internet mail” to their grandkids, Brew established himself as one of the most respected voices of the sports fan in the Pacific Northwest.

When he wasn’t waxing poetic about athletics for the Times, Brewer seized the opportunity to start a family, seducing a woman, marrying her, spawning a son, and even adopting a kitten. He also made time for his buddies, often showing up to local watering holes in crisp sport coats while everyone else donned tattered t-shirts and worn jeans.

For this scribe, at least, Brewer will be remembered as a friend and confidant who helped foster an ability to piece words together in a captivating way. While anyone can write, Brew would devote entire afternoons to sitting at a bar, discussing life, and inspiring the ideas that materialized into print for a twenty-something lazy-ass. That he once triumphantly captained a mission to get that same lazy-ass to 1,000 followers on Twitter will never be forgotten, either.

As our pal departs for the other Washington, we remember karaoke renditions of Gin and Juice, a knack for incorrectly spelling words that describe acts of human nature, and that one time a whiny kid on an opposing team threw a basketball at Brewer for reasons unknown.

Jerry, no matter what all the internet haters say, we don’t think you’re weird at all. In fact, we’ll miss you. And we wish you well as you depart your adoptive home for a new adventure.

In exchange for Brewer, the Bullets will send 48-year-old forward/center Pervis Ellison, who averaged 20 points and 11 rebounds in the 1991-1992 season, to Seattle.


Five Signs Your Sports Fanaticism Is Actually Legitimate Craziness Trying To Get Out

You sick, sick bastard. You’re not a fan. You’re more than a fan. In your own mind, at least. To the rest of us, you straddle the line separating sanity from lunacy. You probably shouldn’t be allowed near a computer. It might not be a good idea for you to interact with other human beings, or even set foot outside your house. Yet you keep perpetuating your craziness on anyone who will give you half a second of their time. You’re a danger to society. But you don’t see that at all.

It’s time someone clued you in to your manic nature of insane proportions. You need help. We can’t get you that help you need, but we can at least present you with a few warning signs. If you suffer from any of the following symptoms, seek medical attention immediately. Don’t wait another day. You might kill someone, and in this country, that’s against the law. Do not be that guy that kills someone. No one wants that.

Anyway, without further ado, here are five ways to tell if you’re a certified nut job or not…

1. You texted a recruit.

You crazy f**king a-hole. You should NEVER be texting recruits! You should not know their phone numbers! You should not be texting ANY teenagers! You should not be making ANY contact with them WHATSOEVER! You are an adult. They are kids. Kids and adults live in separate worlds and frankly, things are better that way. Don’t be talking to kids unless they’re your own. Don’t be talking to kids recreationally. Matter of fact, don’t talk to kids at all.

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SI Gives Local Hoops Hotbed Some Love

A feature article in the current edition of Sports Illustrated, just released today, pays homage to Seattle’s established basketball scene.

For years, the Emerald City has produced some of the nation’s finest basketball talent, and that talent is finally being recognized on a national level in this piece.

Basketball lovers and Seattle sports fans alike should get a kick out of reading about the hometown kids making it big in college and the NBA, and there’s even a chunk of the article devoted to the up-and-comers in the prep ranks.

Print edition readers will enjoy a couple insets that give a brief breakdown of some of the impact players from the region. Unless you’re a subscriber, the print edition will not hit newsstands until early next week.

I only have two small gripes with an otherwise well-written story.

One, the writer fails to make a big deal out of Rainier Beach’s Doug Christie (a guy we chose as the No. 2 greatest Seattle-area basketball player of the past 20 years in an article from January of ’09), who was arguably the first player of the current generation to reach the NBA.

And two, SI seems to get the impression that Blaine might very well be a suburb of Seattle. Which it is clearly not. Other than that, a great article. Give it a read!

Not Your Typical Obligatory Winter Olympics Rant

Like a person who still puts the “is” in their Facebook status updates, NBC’s Winter Olympics coverage is ball-itchy annoying. And by ball-itchy annoying, I mean the type of itch you get on your balls that you can’t scratch because you’re in public.

In less than a few hundred characters, NBC’s Winter Olympics coverage IS horrible. Which is kind of like saying that the tetanus shot you received to treat the rust in your system from the knife wound was painful. Because as we all know, the Winter Olympics (the JayVee Olympics, as I call them) are barely tolerable to begin with. And then Bob Costas comes along and makes it worse.

Unless you’re a ski bum or really, really enjoy figure skating, where’s the appeal in the Winter Olympics? Three-quarters of the world couldn’t care less about this two-week event. Snow? What the hell is snow?

I’m a firm believer in the self-righteous nature of individuals, and there is perhaps no greater self-righteous rite of passage than the fan-dom of the Winter Olympic games.

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Floyd Landis: The Worst American Hero

Remember when Floyd Landis was supposed to be the next Lance Armstrong?

Lance pulled a Michael Jordan, embarked on a semi-retirement, and left us with this Scottie Pippen impostor who wasn’t worth the yellow spandex he covered his ass with.

After a victorious ride through the 2006 Tour de France, Landis had his championship stripped due to doping allegations, all but sealing his fate as a fraud.

In a sport tainted by drug scandal in recent years, Landis took the Roger Clemens route to redemption, vehemently denying all charges of steroid use and fighting to clear his name until all circuits of court had been exhausted. Ultimately, he remained a loser, a cheater, and a purported drug user. Shortly thereafter, Landis, like Clemens, disappeared off the face of the earth.

Four years later, Landis’ name has resurfaced in connection with a French computer hacking case that has ties to the drug scandal of ’06.

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Husky Hockey Takes I-5 Cup From Duck Bastards

For those of you Husky fans frustrated by the basketball team’s lack of heart in recent games, allow me to recommend a group of UW students that wear their hearts on baggy, oversized sleeves: the Husky hockey team.

If Lorenzo Romar is looking to breathe life into his struggling ballclub, maybe he should send his players to watch their ice skating classmates in action. These guys play for pride and little else, paying their own fees, raising their own funds, and relentlessly going balls to the wall for nothing but the “Washington” on the front of their jersey.

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The Unique Search Term List

"brian davis is a traitor"

From time to time, we like to bring you some of the more unique search terms to lead readers to Seattle Sportsnet. As always, these are actual search terms entered in by actual people who found their way to our site. Enjoy.

-“curvaceous women”

-“harden asu bong”

-“guys ass” (I should note that this is the second time this search term has made one of these lists. Additionally, this term led people to our site every day for a week straight.)

-“lando calrissian”

-“college nude scandal”

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