Tag Archives: Other Sports

Athletic Supporters Send Jerry Brewer to Bullets

shvxAs the owner, general manager, and sometimes point guard of a rec team of increasingly unathletic amateur basketball players, I’m here today to formally announce the sad news of the departure of a fellow Athletic Supporter teammate of mine.

Jerry Brewer, who supplemented his time as a power shooting center by moonlighting as a columnist for The Seattle Times, has been dealt to the Washington (D.C.) Bullets, ending his tenure with the Supporters. The move will subsequently necessitate a career change for Brewer, who will be leaving the Times for a similar position at The Washington Post.

In his time with the Supporters, Brewer emerged as a favorite of the team’s five or six fans. Recognized for his matching green warmup suits, as well as his inability to corral wayward behind-the-back passes from guard Ryan Divish, Brewer etched himself into rec league lore by successfully bringing back the spectacle sport strap, not seen since Kurt Rambis last played in the NBA.

Brewer may best be remembered in Seattle for his time spent off the court, however.

Occasionally penning stories that geriatrics loved to forward via “the internet mail” to their grandkids, Brew established himself as one of the most respected voices of the sports fan in the Pacific Northwest.

When he wasn’t waxing poetic about athletics for the Times, Brewer seized the opportunity to start a family, seducing a woman, marrying her, spawning a son, and even adopting a kitten. He also made time for his buddies, often showing up to local watering holes in crisp sport coats while everyone else donned tattered t-shirts and worn jeans.

For this scribe, at least, Brewer will be remembered as a friend and confidant who helped foster an ability to piece words together in a captivating way. While anyone can write, Brew would devote entire afternoons to sitting at a bar, discussing life, and inspiring the ideas that materialized into print for a twenty-something lazy-ass. That he once triumphantly captained a mission to get that same lazy-ass to 1,000 followers on Twitter will never be forgotten, either.

As our pal departs for the other Washington, we remember karaoke renditions of Gin and Juice, a knack for incorrectly spelling words that describe acts of human nature, and that one time a whiny kid on an opposing team threw a basketball at Brewer for reasons unknown.

Jerry, no matter what all the internet haters say, we don’t think you’re weird at all. In fact, we’ll miss you. And we wish you well as you depart your adoptive home for a new adventure.

In exchange for Brewer, the Bullets will send 48-year-old forward/center Pervis Ellison, who averaged 20 points and 11 rebounds in the 1991-1992 season, to Seattle.


Five Signs Your Sports Fanaticism Is Actually Legitimate Craziness Trying To Get Out

You sick, sick bastard. You’re not a fan. You’re more than a fan. In your own mind, at least. To the rest of us, you straddle the line separating sanity from lunacy. You probably shouldn’t be allowed near a computer. It might not be a good idea for you to interact with other human beings, or even set foot outside your house. Yet you keep perpetuating your craziness on anyone who will give you half a second of their time. You’re a danger to society. But you don’t see that at all.

It’s time someone clued you in to your manic nature of insane proportions. You need help. We can’t get you that help you need, but we can at least present you with a few warning signs. If you suffer from any of the following symptoms, seek medical attention immediately. Don’t wait another day. You might kill someone, and in this country, that’s against the law. Do not be that guy that kills someone. No one wants that.

Anyway, without further ado, here are five ways to tell if you’re a certified nut job or not…

1. You texted a recruit.

You crazy f**king a-hole. You should NEVER be texting recruits! You should not know their phone numbers! You should not be texting ANY teenagers! You should not be making ANY contact with them WHATSOEVER! You are an adult. They are kids. Kids and adults live in separate worlds and frankly, things are better that way. Don’t be talking to kids unless they’re your own. Don’t be talking to kids recreationally. Matter of fact, don’t talk to kids at all.

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SI Gives Local Hoops Hotbed Some Love

A feature article in the current edition of Sports Illustrated, just released today, pays homage to Seattle’s established basketball scene.

For years, the Emerald City has produced some of the nation’s finest basketball talent, and that talent is finally being recognized on a national level in this piece.

Basketball lovers and Seattle sports fans alike should get a kick out of reading about the hometown kids making it big in college and the NBA, and there’s even a chunk of the article devoted to the up-and-comers in the prep ranks.

Print edition readers will enjoy a couple insets that give a brief breakdown of some of the impact players from the region. Unless you’re a subscriber, the print edition will not hit newsstands until early next week.

I only have two small gripes with an otherwise well-written story.

One, the writer fails to make a big deal out of Rainier Beach’s Doug Christie (a guy we chose as the No. 2 greatest Seattle-area basketball player of the past 20 years in an article from January of ’09), who was arguably the first player of the current generation to reach the NBA.

And two, SI seems to get the impression that Blaine might very well be a suburb of Seattle. Which it is clearly not. Other than that, a great article. Give it a read!

Not Your Typical Obligatory Winter Olympics Rant

Like a person who still puts the “is” in their Facebook status updates, NBC’s Winter Olympics coverage is ball-itchy annoying. And by ball-itchy annoying, I mean the type of itch you get on your balls that you can’t scratch because you’re in public.

In less than a few hundred characters, NBC’s Winter Olympics coverage IS horrible. Which is kind of like saying that the tetanus shot you received to treat the rust in your system from the knife wound was painful. Because as we all know, the Winter Olympics (the JayVee Olympics, as I call them) are barely tolerable to begin with. And then Bob Costas comes along and makes it worse.

Unless you’re a ski bum or really, really enjoy figure skating, where’s the appeal in the Winter Olympics? Three-quarters of the world couldn’t care less about this two-week event. Snow? What the hell is snow?

I’m a firm believer in the self-righteous nature of individuals, and there is perhaps no greater self-righteous rite of passage than the fan-dom of the Winter Olympic games.

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Floyd Landis: The Worst American Hero

Remember when Floyd Landis was supposed to be the next Lance Armstrong?

Lance pulled a Michael Jordan, embarked on a semi-retirement, and left us with this Scottie Pippen impostor who wasn’t worth the yellow spandex he covered his ass with.

After a victorious ride through the 2006 Tour de France, Landis had his championship stripped due to doping allegations, all but sealing his fate as a fraud.

In a sport tainted by drug scandal in recent years, Landis took the Roger Clemens route to redemption, vehemently denying all charges of steroid use and fighting to clear his name until all circuits of court had been exhausted. Ultimately, he remained a loser, a cheater, and a purported drug user. Shortly thereafter, Landis, like Clemens, disappeared off the face of the earth.

Four years later, Landis’ name has resurfaced in connection with a French computer hacking case that has ties to the drug scandal of ’06.

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Husky Hockey Takes I-5 Cup From Duck Bastards

For those of you Husky fans frustrated by the basketball team’s lack of heart in recent games, allow me to recommend a group of UW students that wear their hearts on baggy, oversized sleeves: the Husky hockey team.

If Lorenzo Romar is looking to breathe life into his struggling ballclub, maybe he should send his players to watch their ice skating classmates in action. These guys play for pride and little else, paying their own fees, raising their own funds, and relentlessly going balls to the wall for nothing but the “Washington” on the front of their jersey.

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The Unique Search Term List

"brian davis is a traitor"

From time to time, we like to bring you some of the more unique search terms to lead readers to Seattle Sportsnet. As always, these are actual search terms entered in by actual people who found their way to our site. Enjoy.

-“curvaceous women”

-“harden asu bong”

-“guys ass” (I should note that this is the second time this search term has made one of these lists. Additionally, this term led people to our site every day for a week straight.)

-“lando calrissian”

-“college nude scandal”

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Jake Heaps Is A High School Anomaly

When you think of a talented high school quarterback, you probably picture an all-around athlete. The type of kid who plays multiple sports, is versatile, and pulls chicks like a Christmas sale at The Gap. And then there’s Jake Heaps.

I’ve had the pleasure of watching the Skyline High School quarterback play on three occasions this year. Twice against Bothell, once against Oaks Christian of California. He’s an incredibly gifted pass-thrower who is worthy of all the accolades he has received, without question. He tosses an accurate deep ball, makes good reads, and spreads the ball around to all his receivers.

That said, the kid defies our image of a high school quarterback. To be perfectly honest, I’ve never seen a less athletic-looking prep quarterback who was this good until Heaps came along. Which makes him an absolute anomaly in terms of his prowess on the gridiron.

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Basketball With Yours Truly, Coach Noah Chang

If you haven’t seen this yet, you need to. It’s amazing. So amazing that we’ve embedded the video below. The linked article is simply an overview of the video via Deadspin for those of you too lazy to watch the actual video.

But trust me, you want to watch the video. Where else are you going to get basketball tips from a little Chinese kid whose parents are equally committed to the insane dream?

This is pure gold.

NBA Tipoff Is A Painful Reminder Of What Our City Had

sonicsoldlogo2I’ve already tried like five different times to write this article and it’s next to impossible. Sometimes you just have to stop trying and speak from the heart, and that’s what I intend to do.

I miss the Sonics. The NBA season starts tomorrow and it means nothing to me. Nothing.

I could care less who wins a championship, could care less whether LeBron has an MVP-type season, could care less what happens as the season transpires.

I’ve been reading this week’s Sports Illustrated, the NBA preview edition, and everything rings hollow. The articles are empty, the words are meaningless, the pictures are gray, the entire thing barely occupies my consciousness. I read it out of habit more than anything else.

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Soccer Fans Need Your Love, But Don’t Want Your Support

Argentina v USAI like soccer, but it hasn’t always been that way.

As a kid, I used to hate it. Played it when I was in second grade, thought it was boring, quit, and never looked back. It was a lot of running for nothing, a lot of standing in the pouring rain, and a lot of unnecessary shots to the head. It just wasn’t my thing.

As a teenager, I got back into soccer by watching the World Cup. At first it was a nice segue to my afternoon nap, but after a while I actually began to watch the games.

Played at its highest level, soccer was compelling. As is the case with most spectator sports, I found myself rooting for one team over the other in spite of my initial inhibitions about the game. Before long, I could sit through a full 90 minutes without falling asleep.

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Professional Ticket Scalper Wants You To Take Him Seriously

No. You need a job.
No. You need a job.

Have you ever been to a sporting event of any kind and not been harassed by ticket scalpers? It doesn’t happen anymore. What with the crappy economy, the employment crunch, and the fact that lazy people simply don’t want to work, professional ticket scalping is at an all-time high.

Which is why one ticket scalper wants you to respect his profession for what it is: a profession. Sort of. Okay, not really. So it basically borders on panhandling, but whatever.

Anyways, this dude Will Anderson is one of those guys you see outside Mariners games with the laminated “I NEED TICKETS” sign. You know which sign I’m talking about. The one that screams, “I only need your tickets so I can resell them to a family for twice as much as I paid you for them.” That one.

It seems that Anderson has had a few scrapes with the law that were, according to Seattle’s legal code, unjust. In turn, he is suing the city of Seattle for infringing upon his constitutional rights. You can read about it here.

Here’s the thing about Anderson. Legally, he’s in the right. He’s performing a service that is upheld by the municipal law and he should not be subject to scrutiny by law enforcement agents because of that very fact. Based on those grounds alone, he has a right to file a lawsuit against the city.

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Sonicsgate: An Absolute Must-See

sonicsgateIf you haven’t been following Sonicsgate, you need to.

A group of Sonics fans passionate enough to make a movie about the destruction and abduction of our once-proud NBA franchise are set to unveil their completed work to the world in one week.

A sold-out preview screening of the feature film will take place on Friday, October 9th at the Seattle International Film Festival cinema in Seattle.

An encore screening will occur on the following evening, Saturday, October 10th, at 8:00 PM at Pacific Place. Tickets can be purchased for $6.00 apiece by clicking here.

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Delonte West Doing His Best Maurice Clarett Impression

delontewestThe Delonte West saga continues in Cleveland.

The former Seattle Supersonic was absent from the Cavaliers’ first practice of the season today, after an offseason filled with turmoil. His absence was unexcused.

West — who way back when we dubbed one of the weirdest-looking athletes in existence — was recently arrested for carrying half the cheat code set of Grand Theft Auto in his car.

After being pulled over for a moving violation in Maryland, police discovered two handguns and a shotgun, all fully loaded, hidden in a guitar case in West’s vehicle. No word on whether brass knuckles, a baseball bat, a chainsaw, a sniper rifle, or money from hookers could be secured.

Frankly, if you’d ever seen Delonte West up close or simply heard him speak, you might not be all too surprised to find out he’s an amateur gangster. Not to be judgmental or anything.

Continue reading Delonte West Doing His Best Maurice Clarett Impression