Tag Archives: Oregon Trail

Playing Oregon Trail With Loathed Seattle Sports Figures

If you haven’t heard the big news, The Internet Archive recently released over 2,000 classic MS-DOS games to play for free online. One of the free games available is seminal childhood favorite, The Oregon Trail.

Because I’m still a 10-year-old at heart, I seized the opportunity to play one of my all-time favorite computer games once again.

Knowing I might not immediately possess the proper skill to conquer the Trail after a two-decade layoff, I opted to feel my way through the linear, two-dimensional world of middle America with a party of Seattle’s least-favorite sports figures. That party consisted of:

1. A young’n named “Cyler.”

2. Another young’n named “Ayala.”

3. An adolescent named “Figgins.”

4. An older fellow named “Chone.”

5. A leader named “Wakamatsu,” who we can only imagine would often fight with Chone and Figgins.

OREGONTRAIL

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Seahawks Deserve Ass-Kicking Tyrant For Next Head Coach

If the Seattle Seahawks were the classic computer game Oregon Trail, I would put the pace on “grueling,” the food rations on “bare bones,” and tell the players, “Shut the hell up and play, or you’re gonna get dysentery and die.”

Loaded with prima donnas from top to bottom, the 2009 edition of the Hawks were coddled by their head coach, Jim Mora, who lost his job as a result. Consider him Zeke, the kid who was always first to pass in your Trail caravan.

The problem with Mora isn’t that he simply lost too many games; much of it has to do with his reputation as a player’s coach.

The term “player’s coach” is code for, “I want to be your friend and, while you’ll want me to stick around so you don’t have to do much work, I will probably get fired without ever accomplishing much since, deep down, you don’t respect me.” That’s a long-ass code, but you get the idea.

Continue reading Seahawks Deserve Ass-Kicking Tyrant For Next Head Coach