Tag Archives: Oregon Ducks Football

Chip Kelly vs. John Canzano: The Only Winner Here Is Everyone Else

Click here for the radio interview.

I don’t know how anyone could listen to this and not come away feeling like a better person.

The war of words between egotistical, d-bag journalist and embattled football coach produces no winners and two big losers.

Kelly spends 18 minutes of talk time sounding like he’s on the verge of tears.

Canzano seizes the opportunity to tell you about his entire journalistic background, pausing only to iterate and reiterate the same questions over and over and over again.

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Jamere Holland Facebookgate

Of all the problems the University of Oregon has faced with their athletes in the past few months, this one is the best, the most entertaining, and the one you can learn the most from.

Jamere Holland, former wide receiver on the Duck football team, proved over the weekend that updating your Facebook status thoughtlessly can be as egregious an action as DUI, assault, theft, domestic violence, or even animal cruelty (some might call it cannibalism).

Holland, a redshirt freshman with a bad goatee, was dismissed from the program on Sunday after posting consecutive Facebook status updates that more or less destroyed his reputation for the next few years. Worse yet, the 21-year-old had not applied any of the social networking site’s privacy settings to his account, allowing anyone with a computer to view his entire user profile. Whoops.

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Duck Bastards Spiraling Out Of Control

Apparently, losing the Rose Bowl sends your team into complete disarray.

The Oregon Duck football program continued its Lindsay Lohan-like fall with news breaking today that walk-on defensive end Matt Simms has been charged with assault on a man he thought was responsible for assaulting teammate Rob Beard. Beard, a kicker, was sent to the ICU last week when he was beaten unconscious during a campus brawl.

The 6’3″, 207-pound Simms encountered his alleged victim at a party last Saturday night. The alleged victim claims he told Simms he had nothing to do with Beard’s beating, but that didn’t stop Simms from issuing a beatdown of his own.

Police reports state that in spite of the alleged victim’s explanation, Simms punched his target, knocked him to the ground, and continued punching him on the ground. Simms was then taken into custody and charged with misdemeanor assault.

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Most Awesome Moment of the Year Award: LeGarrette Smash

I don’t care who you are. If you didn’t get at least a little excited when Oregon running back LeGarrette Blount socked Boise State’s Byron Hout in the face, you’re not human.

The LeGarrette Punch was absolutely the greatest sports moment of 2009, made even better for those of us living in the great state of Washington. Watching a Duck bastard go apesh*t on a beyotch Bronco is akin to witnessing Saddam Hussain beat up Osama bin Laden. Two figures of our loathing attempting to cancel each other out. Fantastic.

Everything about that moment was perfect. The crap-eating grin on Hout’s face as he talked a little smack. The slightly delayed reaction from Blount. The cold-cocked shot to the grill. The look of pure horror from Hout as he was being drilled. The reaction from Blount as he backed away, practically hopping up and down. The reaction from the surrounding group of players and team personnel. The fact that Hout hit the deck with remarkable aplomb (yes, aplomb).

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It’s Okay, Dawg Fans: The Ducks Are Going To Hell Anyways

Oregon Washington FootballLook, I’m not gonna lie to you guys. I missed the game on Saturday. Didn’t go. First game I’ve missed all year.

I had a wedding to attend and in hindsight I’m glad I went to the wedding and not the massacre on Montlake. I’d much rather be in the presence of true love than that of pure evil, which is exactly what the Oregon Ducks are.

I was able to watch most of the first half on TV before leaving for the wedding. It wasn’t bad. The Huskies played okay and the Ducks only scored on one offensive possession. A pretty good showing.

But when all was said and done, we had lost by a hefty margin. So obviously we sucked in the second half. I don’t know exactly how it all went down, and frankly I don’t care to know. We lost, that’s all that matters.

What we need to remember in losing is that we can’t give the Ducks any credit for the win. I know, that sounds bad, but it’s true.

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30 Reasons To Hate The University Of Oregon

harringtonBecause everyone could use another reason to despise Whoregon.

30. Chip Kelly. What a smug bastard.

29. The mascot. Even he can’t stay out of trouble.

28. Steve Prefontaine. There was something not quite right about that malnourished hippie.

27. Mac Court. An ugly, disease-infested building.

26. Animal cruelty charges. Duck on duck violence. We make an example out of Michael Vick, but give these guys a free pass. That’s messed up.

25. Their plethora of draft busts. If you’re a fan of a pro sports franchise and your team drafts a Duck, you might as well mail in the next five years.

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