Tag Archives: Nick Franklin

The Top 22 Mariners Promotional Ideas Gone Wrong

centerfield

It’s like two Top 11 lists in one!

22. Danny Farquhar Disappointing Growth Chart Day

Guess what, kids. You’re probably not going to grow to be 6’10” like Chris Young, or even 6’3” like Felix Hernandez. More than likely you’ll stand about 5’9” or so, which is both the average height of the American male and the exact listed height of reliever Danny Farquhar. We’re not here to lie to you or falsely inflate your hopes. Instead, we’ll just give you this disappointing Farquhar growth chart and watch you blossom into a really mediocre adult.

21. Cole Gillespie “Guess Which of These Guys Is Actually A Mariner” Night

Continue reading The Top 22 Mariners Promotional Ideas Gone Wrong

Jack Zduriencik’s Ass-Saving Renaissance

mikezunino1-600x404It was bound to happen sooner or later: Mike Zunino had to be called up to the big leagues. The end result was imminent, yet the timing of that end result was a point of contention for pundits and fans alike. It was never about if, but always about when. That “when” hit today, as news broke this morning that the No. 3 overall pick in the 2012 Draft would be making his way to Seattle to take over as the team’s starting catcher (or at least part-time starting catcher, with a nod to Kelly Shoppach).

Almost immediately, opinions on the move flooded the internet. The prevailing sentiment, naturally, is that this promotion was more of a job-saving maneuver than anything else, a way for those on the hot seat — namely, general manager Jack Zduriencik and manager Eric Wedge — to try and salvage employment at season’s end.

Continue reading Jack Zduriencik’s Ass-Saving Renaissance

Escape the Cage: The Mariners’ Quest for .500

boratIn the movie Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, the title character, Borat Sagdiyev, imparts the story of his younger brother Bilo, a tragedy-stricken young man who lives in a cage. For years Bilo is taunted by his sister, Natalya, the No. 4 prostitute in all of Kazakhstan. Natalya, who has even earned a trophy for her whoring efforts, often dances before her confined sibling, flashing her “vazheen,” shouting, “You will never get this, you will never get it, la la la la la la!”

Restricted to a life behind cold, metal bars, Bilo cries. He cries, says Borat, as everybody laughs. And as they laugh, Bilo’s older sister issues a firm decree: “You never get this.”

Continue reading Escape the Cage: The Mariners’ Quest for .500

M’s Build Towards Future With Draft, Morrow

ackleyShortly after pitching phenom Stephen Strasburg was off the board with the first selection in the 2009 MLB draft, the Seattle Mariners made their highest draft pick since 1993, a year in which they selected a shortstop by the name of Alex Rodriguez with the No. 1 overall choice.

Following the Washington Nationals’ pick of Strasburg may have been like following the Cleveland Cavaliers 2003 NBA draft selection of Lebron James, but rest assured the Mariners did their best to come away with someone a little better than Darko Milicic.

Continue reading M’s Build Towards Future With Draft, Morrow