In 2009, the Seahawks had the good fortune of selecting a can’t-miss linebacker out of Wake Forest with the fourth overall pick in that April’s NFL Draft. Everyone agreed that Aaron Curry was one of the crown jewels of his class, a run-stuffing, pass-rushing beast of a man who, as multiple “insiders” would put it, was the most talented linebacker to arrive from the college ranks since Lawrence Taylor.
Unlike the Hall of Famer he was being compared to, Curry was considered a gem both inside and outside the confines of his workspace. A God-fearing 23-year-old with a beaming grin on the day he was introduced to fans, the ex-Demon Deacon was far more ministerial than devilish.
The 2009 NFL Draft is fin, meaning Mel Kiper, Jr. has nothing to do. So we’ve gone ahead and come up with a list of 11 activities MKJ can undertake during his offseason in this week’s bonus Top 11.
11. Put together Mel Kiper’s Scripps National Spelling Bee Big Board. Because somebody’s gotta do it. And a quick reminder,Bee Week kicks off May 26.
10. Go back to plotting the hit on Todd McShay. The younger, more knowledgeable, better looking, less annoying version of Kiper is quietly becoming ESPN’s go-to guy when it comes to analysis on the NFL Draft. Think of McShay as Tim Kurkjian, to Kiper’s Peter Gammons.
9. Return to Safeway for his offseason job. “Mel Kiper, clean up on aisle seven…Kiper to aisle seven. Thank you.”
8. Get Lasik surgery to eliminate the perpetual squint. Contrary to popular belief, Mel Kiper is not Chinese.
For lack of better things to do, we’ve come up with this: a Ms. Cleo-esque prediction of the futures ahead for some of the 2009 NFL first-round draft picks. With their corresponding pick in parentheses, we implore you to stick with us as we peek into the coming years. Enjoy.
(1) Matthew Stafford, QB, Detroit Lions. After running out of the end zone not once, but twice for the ’09 Lions, Stafford will set a new rookie record for interceptions in a season and be showered with boos by the ungrateful Lion fans before the final home game of the year. In a post-game interview in late November, Stafford will break down and cry when forced with the notion that he is stuck with Detroit for the next few years.
(3) Tyson Jackson, DE, Kansas City Chiefs. Jackson, who skyrocketed up draft boards in recent weeks, will find unprecedented success in Kansas City not because of his ample talent or ability, but because his last name is Jackson.
One day after hitting a metaphorical grand slam with the first two rounds of the NFL Draft, the Seahawks responded in the final five rounds by striking out. Or getting hit by a pitch, at the very best.
Here’s what went down, in chronological, no bullshit order:
The Hawks kick off the day by trading away a 2009 fifth-round pick, 2009 seventh-round pick, and 2010 third-round pick for the right to move up in the third round and draft WR Deon Butler. Butler is a 5’10”, 180 pound speedster in the mold of a quicker Deion Branch. Good, yes, but not exactly filling a need on this current ballclub.
Already without a fourth-round pick, and having just traded away their fifth-rounder, the Hawks have to wait until round six before their next selection. With that pick, they draft Rutgers QB Mike Teel. Not exactly Mark Sanchez, and again, a seemingly wasted need on this current ballclub. This is David Greene all over again, but worse. Teel will be lucky to secure the third QB slot.
With three compensatory selection in the seventh round, the Hawks draft Rutgers S Courtney Greene, Oregon (ugh) DE Nick Reed, and Cal TE Cameron Morrah. Nothing to write home about.
It’s NFL Draft Day, 2009. The day Mel Kiper, Jr. is proven wrong for hours on end.
Not unlike a Hawaiian meteorologist awaking to a pounding rainstorm, Kiper is forced to sit idly by and witness all his projections go down the crapper as teams metaphorically kick him in the nutsack by selecting players that ESPN’s resident draft guru never saw coming.