Imagine, for a minute, that I am a pimp boss. I run this town. I oversee all the pimps on these streets and offer them my protection. I also coordinate their hos. Here ho, go to this pimp, he’ll treat you real nice. That’s how I do it.
Now imagine that you are my top pimp. You’re damn good at what you do. You take your hos out to the track on Pacific Highway South and pull in thousands of dollars every single night. I don’t know how you do it, I just know that I get my biggest cut from you, so in turn, I like you. We get along, you and I. I’m a fan of yours. You’re good to me, I’m good to you, it works.
Now let’s pretend that we just got this new chick. She’s fine. Real fine. She probably shouldn’t be doing this, but we don’t tell her that. This girl could be a model if she wanted to be. But for some reason she wants to turn tricks. So whatever, it’s cool. We can help her out. We’ll call her Brandy.
Continue reading Understanding The Economics of Seattle’s New Arena Using the Analogy of Pimping
The NBA likes to pretend we don’t exist. That we don’t care about them and as a result they, in turn, don’t have to care about us. Seattle? Where’s Seattle? Is that a village or something? What is that?
We had our basketball team stolen from us and relocated a thousand miles away in the middle of God-knows-where. That was bad enough, certainly. But it was made worse by the fact that we were repeatedly slandered after the pillaging. That the thieves made off with our prized possession, then tried to convince the masses that we didn’t care about being hijacked. Seattle fans are apathetic, they said. Seattle fans don’t deserve our product. Seattle fans haven’t been showing up to games, or cheering for their team, or even giving a damn about what happens on the court with their Sonics. Seattle fans weren’t good enough, they claimed.
Continue reading The Lovingly Incensed Fan Base of the Seattle Supersonics
The best dunker in the NBA right now…has a perm. If this were a matter of determining who the best dunker in NBA history with a perm was, then by all means Blake Griffin would win. He would edge out Paul Mokeski by a landslide. In fact, it might be a unanimous decision in Griffin’s favor. But sadly for the Clippers’ young forward, greatness is not determined by the hair upon one’s head.
If greatness were, in fact, determined by the hair upon one’s head, then Shawn Kemp would not only be the best dunker of all-time with a tilted flattop fade, but also the best dunker of all-time, period. End of story. You know he was the greatest. It goes without saying. And that fade? It was filthy. F-I-L-T-H-Y. How many people have you ever seen with a tilted flattop fade? One. Shawn F**kin’ Kemp. Nobody else has ever dared to do that with their ‘do. And if they tried? People would just laugh and call them Shawn Kemp imposters. Because Kemp was that prolific. Pro-effing-lific.
I like Blake Griffin. I do. For a guy who looks like the offspring of Cory Matthews and a Monstar, he’s pretty good. He plays a decent game. He fields lob passes nicely. He can navigate a Kia with the best Korean drivers in the world. He’s even made me a part-time Clippers fan (full-time Sonics fan, however…that will never change). But when it comes to dunking, he is the senpai to Kemp’s sensei. Bow to your sensei, Blake Griffin. Bow to him!
Continue reading Shawn Kemp: The Greatest Dunker in the History of the World
The NBA is in the middle of a lockout and you don’t care. No one can blame you for that. In fact, I’d like to go ahead and reinforce your decision to remain apathetic.
Why don’t we care about the lockout? It seems like we should, right? Wrong. There are just so many reasons why we shouldn’t. And I’m here to give you all of them.
In no particular order, here we go.
There are no heroes
Continue reading All The Reasons No One Cares About The NBA Lockout
As you already know, we need a professional basketball team in this city. Ours was stolen from us like a pair of kicks from Foot Locker. This is where you come in.
Now as you may have heard, the NBA is seizing the New Orleans Hornets franchise, as their owner is basically a delinquent malcontent (okay, malcontent is a little strong of a word, but you get the point). The league is more or less foreclosing on the organization, looking to flip it at a discounted rate to the highest bidder. Being one of the richest men in the world, you’re as ideal a candidate as any to own this basketball team.
Of course, there’s the matter of an arena. I actually feel kind of bad asking this of you, but do you think you could go ahead and foot the bill for a state-of-the-art venue in the Greater Seattle area? Because that’s what it will really take to land the Hornets here in the Emerald City. The cost of the team is petty cash. It’s the new multi-purpose facility that will really set you back.
Continue reading An Open Plea To Steve Ballmer
I, for one, am of the belief that basketball would be a much better game if it was self-officiated.
We grow up playing self-reffed pickup games and it only fuels our competitive desire, while simultaneously teaching us to know right from wrong.
If we travel, we call our own travel.
Continue reading Proof That Basketball Does Not Need Referees
I miss the NBA. I love the NBA. I’m not going to lie, and tell you that the NBA means nothing to me since it left Seattle. The NBA still means a lot to me, in spite of the pain it has caused.
I grew up with the NBA. Watched it every Saturday morning on NBC. Watched Sonics games on KSTW, channel 11. Watched All-Star Weekend religiously. Even watched NBA Inside Stuff with Ahmad Rashad, who, if you’re my age or younger, is better associated with basketball than football.
I love the NBA enough to watch Portland Trailblazers games as often as possible, whenever they happen to be broadcast in the Seattle area. And I like the Blazers on top of that. Been to a few games in person, in fact. I know that’s absolute blasphemy to some Sonics fans, but it’s generational.
Back in the ’70s and ’80s it was impossible to root for both the Sonics and Blazers. But from about 1990 on, the I-5 rivalry lost its luster. Neither team was particularly great at the same time as the other. When the Blazers were up, the Sonics were down, and vice versa. And now the Sonics are gone. So what’s left to hate, really?
Continue reading What The NBA Means To Me