Tag Archives: Miguel Batista

Question: Why Is Miguel Batista Still Here?

miguelbatista2Over the past few months, we’ve taken our shots at Miguel Batista.

First, we chastised Miggy’s awkwardly out-of-place facial hair.

Then, a couple weeks ago, we simply let the guy have it based on his continuing bout with ineffectiveness.

Now it’s gotten to the point where we need to start questioning management as to why Batista is still on the roster. Because let’s face it, there’s no good reason for the guy to still be in a Mariners uniform.

There are, however, a number of reasons why Miguel should have already seen his way out of town.

One, you have the fact that he sucks.

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Welcome To The Miguel Batista Freak Show


How is it even possible that Miguel Batista is so anti-clutch.

And yes, you’re right, I’ve improperly punctuated the last two sentences but you know what, I’m not questioning Miguel Batista’s anti-clutchness so much as I’m simply addressing it in words.

If you look up “clutch” in the dictionary, you’ll find a picture of Miguel Batista with a red “X” through it. That’s how unclutch Miguel is. So unclutch that the dudes at Merriam-Webster figured it would make the most sense to remove the definition of “clutch” and replace it with Batista’s likeness and a big red effing “X.

Continue reading Welcome To The Miguel Batista Freak Show

Miguel Batista’s Sideburns Need To Be Addressed

miguelbatistaHow do we feel about Miguel Batista’s budding mutton chops?

Me, I’m up in the air about the whole thing. From a cosmetic standpoint, those flourishing sideburns are absolutely awesome, the epitome of facial hair greatness. From a performance standpoint, those landing strips of hirsutitude may just have to go. It seems that the more those things grow, the shakier Miguel’s outings become.

Let’s examine the evidence.

Batista started the year with three straight outings in which he held opponents scoreless, netting a win in the process. Since those three outings, Batista has allowed four runs (not that bad, all things considered) over 11 innings of work. The bad part comes in the way Batista has been taxing himself through innings, often putting baserunners on (seven walks in those past 11 innings), before finding his way out of trouble.

Continue reading Miguel Batista’s Sideburns Need To Be Addressed