Sports fans are inherently selfish. If it was up to us, rebuilding years wouldn’t exist and every single season would involve a championship pursuit. Money would be no object, and like monopolizing board game tycoons we’d buy everything in sight and kick our competition’s ass all up and down St. Charles Place.
We are never satisfied, sports fans. We want it all and more. We want the rings and the trophies and the gaudy commemorative gear. We want our guys to be the best and your guys to be the worst. We actually yearn for wins with our tangible promotional giveaways, and we crave the taste of success, not sorrow, amidst the bubbles of our ten-dollar stadium beers.
This is the backdrop for our 2016 Seattle Mariners, who have pieced together the type of campaign that warrants a serious decision in the coming days: win now at the expense of later, or win later at the expense of now.
Slickhawk returns after a few days spent with a murderer, and the crew has lots to discuss.
The Huskies put a whooping on the Cougars in the Apple Cup, the Seahawks have more questions than answers in the wake of a critical injury, and Jerry Dipoto is out to save the Mariners by dealing everyone he comes in contact with.
On top of that, Kelly has a new meerkat, this one more famous than his constituents, and Alex got shot in the face.
Bad news is revealed, as Slickhawk has sabotaged the show by making a drunken bet that will ultimately force us to talk about something truly awful. Until that day comes, however, we can still focus on the present.
The Seahawks have an upcoming battle against the hated Dallas Cowboys, who happen to field one of the world’s worst human beings in Greg Hardy.
The NFL is a money-making machine that has found new, horrible ways to bring in more revenue.
The Mariners hired a new manager, Scott Servais, but is he the right fit for a team in perpetual disarray?
And grumpiness reigns supreme as the NBA season kicks off for the eighth time since Seattle lost its Supersonics.
Eight episodes in, eight weeks down. If we were a high school couple, this would be quite the milestone.
Slickhawk kicks off Episode 4 by verbally suplexing another one of Seattle’s most loathed creatures. It’s a Karate Emergency tradition.
We then dispose of your Facebook hoaxes in a raging dumpster fire, analyze all the Golden Tate rumors, theorize about Momma Lynch’s grammatical acumen, weigh in on the Mariners front office, piss on the ashes of Oregon football, and tie it all together with a deep and meaningful conversation on dating one’s ex.
Check it all out in the fourth installment of Karate Emergency: The New Class, and be sure to find us on iTunes!
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