Tag Archives: Jerry Brewer

Athletic Supporters Send Jerry Brewer to Bullets

shvxAs the owner, general manager, and sometimes point guard of a rec team of increasingly unathletic amateur basketball players, I’m here today to formally announce the sad news of the departure of a fellow Athletic Supporter teammate of mine.

Jerry Brewer, who supplemented his time as a power shooting center by moonlighting as a columnist for The Seattle Times, has been dealt to the Washington (D.C.) Bullets, ending his tenure with the Supporters. The move will subsequently necessitate a career change for Brewer, who will be leaving the Times for a similar position at The Washington Post.

In his time with the Supporters, Brewer emerged as a favorite of the team’s five or six fans. Recognized for his matching green warmup suits, as well as his inability to corral wayward behind-the-back passes from guard Ryan Divish, Brewer etched himself into rec league lore by successfully bringing back the spectacle sport strap, not seen since Kurt Rambis last played in the NBA.

Brewer may best be remembered in Seattle for his time spent off the court, however.

Occasionally penning stories that geriatrics loved to forward via “the internet mail” to their grandkids, Brew established himself as one of the most respected voices of the sports fan in the Pacific Northwest.

When he wasn’t waxing poetic about athletics for the Times, Brewer seized the opportunity to start a family, seducing a woman, marrying her, spawning a son, and even adopting a kitten. He also made time for his buddies, often showing up to local watering holes in crisp sport coats while everyone else donned tattered t-shirts and worn jeans.

For this scribe, at least, Brewer will be remembered as a friend and confidant who helped foster an ability to piece words together in a captivating way. While anyone can write, Brew would devote entire afternoons to sitting at a bar, discussing life, and inspiring the ideas that materialized into print for a twenty-something lazy-ass. That he once triumphantly captained a mission to get that same lazy-ass to 1,000 followers on Twitter will never be forgotten, either.

As our pal departs for the other Washington, we remember karaoke renditions of Gin and Juice, a knack for incorrectly spelling words that describe acts of human nature, and that one time a whiny kid on an opposing team threw a basketball at Brewer for reasons unknown.

Jerry, no matter what all the internet haters say, we don’t think you’re weird at all. In fact, we’ll miss you. And we wish you well as you depart your adoptive home for a new adventure.

In exchange for Brewer, the Bullets will send 48-year-old forward/center Pervis Ellison, who averaged 20 points and 11 rebounds in the 1991-1992 season, to Seattle.

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The Truth Arrives

*Editor’s note: I have no good opening line, so let me just say this. This is a piece by my good friend Jerry Brewer. You’re probably more familiar with his work in The Seattle Times or on The Brewery blog. We’ll be trading material here and there over the next few weeks, months, years, however long this can carry on. You might also see some other guest spots from my pals in the media every now and then, as well. The goal is to give you, the readers, a different voice, while simultaneously allowing these very funny individuals to branch out from their mainstream confines. Check it out and let us know what you think.

By Jerry Brewer

What the hell am I doing here?

Alex Akita? Love that guy. Love his passion, his humor and his ability to be inappropriate and endearing at the same time. Love that when you talk to him in person you’re amazed that such brilliantly irreverent writing can come from a man so laid back.

He didn’t force me to write that opening paragraph, either. I’m a polite person, but I’m not effusively polite without merit. I think Alex is a great voice for this market, and I hope that he can make money off this site in the future.

But I have a confession: I ignored Alex the entire time he worked at The Seattle Times.

Continue reading The Truth Arrives

Sex In The Kitchen: The Best of Both Worlds Tour

Okay. Think of this website as your bedroom. Think of every other website out there as the kitchen. Think of my writing as sex. Yeah, you can always have sex in the bedroom, but sometimes, you just wanna have sex in the kitchen. It’s exotic, it’s fun, and when you’re done you can make a sandwich.

Today’s sex in the kitchen is a veritable Best of Both Worlds Tour. Like Backstreet Boys meets New Kids on the Block. Not only do you get me (I like to think of myself as the Backstreet Boys in this scenario), but you also get well-respected Seattle Times columnist and Adidas basketball shoe fanatic Jerry Brewer (he’s NKOTB…it’s a generational thing).

The article is posted on Jerry’s blog over at SeattleTimes.com. You can find it by CLICKING HERE.

Continue reading Sex In The Kitchen: The Best of Both Worlds Tour