In fact, you might say that Varnado’s Mississippi State team is on a losing streak.
The 19th-ranked Bulldogs lost their first game of the year Friday night to unranked Rider. They also lost their last game of last year to the mighty Washington Huskies. That’s two losses in a row. That’s called a losing streak.
Scratch that. Jarvis Varnado likely preceded Jesus in his earlier life, kicked Jesus’s ass when Jesus was a mere kindergartner, grew up to be savior of the world, died, then came back to life as Jarvis Varnado.
Let’s get one thing straight. Jarvis Varnado doesn’t block shots. Shots are merely pulled into Jarvis Varnado’s tractor beam orbit, then repelled by the same hands that have parted the Gulf of Mexico on two separate occasions, once to save a child from drowning, the other to rescue an endangered species of whale that was nearly killed by poachers. When he was a mere adolescent, Jarvis Varnado practiced his water-parting skills on the Red Sea. He was able to pull that feat off before his balls dropped. Take that, Moses.