Tag Archives: Jake Locker

The Legend of John Timu

A few years ago, something remarkable happened. The Isaiah Stanback jersey that I had been wearing to Husky football games throughout college suddenly changed, and in its place was…a Chris Izbicki jersey. Needless to say, my purple No. 4 replica ended up stashed deep in the back of the closet.

It’s a funny thing about college football. Uniform numbers turn over from year to year, taking a memorable digit to a complete unknown from spring to fall.

In the case of my Stanback jersey, it’s not that I was worried about people mistaking me for a Chris Izbicki fan (which I most certainly wasn’t). It’s that I simply didn’t want to invite the jokes that would come along with the number. Stanback wasn’t legendary enough to be recognized as the one and only No. 4. And Izbicki, as it turned out, wasn’t even mediocre enough to dispel memories of Stanback. So it was that No. 4 faded into the mist.

Which brings us to No. 10.

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UW, Media Share Blame For Heisman Flop

I don’t know Jake Locker.

I don’t know Locker’s state of mind after a 4-for-20 passing performance against a dominant Nebraska football team on Saturday afternoon.

I don’t know how Locker is reacting as fans and media members debate his future following one miserable outing.

And I certainly don’t know how Locker feels about certain words like “hype” and “Heisman.”

But I do know two things.

One, Jake Locker is a better quarterback than he appeared to be just a few short days ago.

And two, it was wrong of the University of Washington to concern Locker with the unenviable curse of the Heisman propaganda machine when wins — yes, wins, those elusive outcomes that have been hard to come by for the Huskies as of late  — were at stake.

Face it. A Heisman trophy winner typically plays for a team that records at least nine wins in a 12-game season. The Washington Huskies are a ballclub that logged all of five victories a year ago. A four-game improvement would be an absolute task, one that would require a Herculean effort from not just the quarterback, but all of his teammates as well. Is it really fair to expect that from a program that, entering 2010, had won just nine games over the entire course of Locker’s three-year playing career? That’s asking a lot from a leader who has given everything to the purple and gold since arriving on campus in 2006.

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Irrational Game Predictions: BYU vs. UW

The game as it would happen in my dreams. Because my dreams are BANGIN!

Quarter 1

After winning the coin flip and deferring, the Huskies kick off to start the game. As Erik Folk tees up the football, a buzz emerges from the opposite end of the stadium. A streaker darts across the field. Play is momentarily halted as security guards chase after the streaker, who manages to avoid them while running 100 yards untouched to the opposite goal post. He continues running down a tunnel and out of sight. The streaker is later identified as Harvey Unga. Play resumes.

Folk kicks it away and the ball sails five yards deep into the end zone. The BYU return man brings the ball out and is subsequently flattened on the one-yard line by a gang of Huskies who comment on the return man’s sister while they have him pinned to the turf. The return man staggers to his feet, content to repress his anger for the time being.

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The Year That Jake Locker Saves Us All

Admit it. You’ve been waiting for this. You’ve been waiting for Jake Locker’s name to appear in a headline on these pages this summer. You love Jake Locker. Jake Locker turns you on. This sh*t is like porn to you. Or at least literary erotica.

I’ve got a question: Is Jake Locker the greatest quarterback who ever lived? I’ve also got an answer: Yes, he is. End of paragraph.

Next paragraph.

I’m a little different than most guys. I enjoy love. I like weddings. I’ve often thought about how my own wedding would play out. Yeah, you might not give a sh*t, but you know what, I do. If that’s not cool with you, then you can go fornicate yourself. I f**king love weddings, and one of the things I’ve semi-choreographed is the music that will play at my ceremony of wedded bliss. Undoubtedly, one of those songs would have to be Your Song, by Elton John. It’s an emotionally-moving song. It’s one of my all-time favorite songs. And I love it. It’s money in the bank.

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Dear Seahawks: I Need You To Be Awfully Good or Just Plain Awful

The only thing that could disappoint me in 2010 is to witness the Seahawks piece together a mediocre season. Not a bad season. Not a good season. But very specifically, a mediocre season.

Anywhere between, say, five and eight wins would be what I consider a disappointment.

Nine wins or more? Great.

Four wins or less? Fantastic.

As long as we can avoid the uncoveted middle-of-the-road, I’ll be thrilled.

You may ask yourself why I’d be forecasting an entire season this way. It’s simple, really. I either want this team to go to the Superbowl or finish poorly enough to be in position to draft Jake Locker.

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U.S.A! U.S.A!

Hello loyal readers! You’re probably wondering where I’ve been the past few days. Thank you for your concern, but no need to worry. Truth is, I’m on a Caribbean cruise and have been without phone and internet service until today.

At around 3:15 AM PST this morning (6:15 AM ship time, 7:15 AM local time), our cruise ship entered U.S. waters for the first time and T-Mobile came back to life on my phone. I was inundated with five days worth of texts and finally found out about Cliff Lee and Jake Locker and all the other stuff that’s been going on in the real world.

But before I touch on that, let me commend the United States of America for taking control of the isle of St. Thomas in the Virgin Islands. Were it not for St. Thomas, where we’re docked today, I would not be in touch with you now. So way to go, U.S.A. Good work, there.

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Why Jake Locker Stays For His Senior Season

Most experts seem to think that Jake Locker has already played his final game for the University of Washington football program. A surefire first-round pick at quarterback, Locker would undoubtedly earn millions of dollars were he to turn pro in time for the 2010 NFL Draft.

Me, however, I tend to disagree. I think Locker sticks around for his senior season on Montlake. You could make the argument that he’s better off leaving early for the NFL, but I’m here to tell you why the Huskies’ signal-caller will be back under center next fall.

1. Ready or not?

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Two BIG Things We Learned From Watching The Apple Cup

Kevin Lopina

Neither team is what you would call “good.” But on Saturday, it was very clear that the Washington Huskies were flat-out better than the Washington State Cougars.

That’s not the only thing we learned while watching the Apple Cup, however. Each team presented us with information about who they truly are in Washington’s 30-0 victory over their in-state rival. We break down those two BIG things right now.

1. The Cougars possess the most fragile QB corps in history.

You may remember a short time ago when I made a ridiculous prediction in our Super Megapost regarding the status of the Washington State quarterbacks for Saturday’s game. Here’s a direct quote from that article:

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Gutsy Performances Lift Husky Football Back To Relevance

uwusc3Pressed to find a single, solitary word to describe the University of Washington football team and their monumental upset over conference rival USC, one would have to give considerable thought to “gutsy.”

Gutsy (adj., slang): marked by courage, daring, or determination in the face of difficulties or danger; brave; spirited; bold.

Gutsy, as in quarterback Jake Locker’s 21-35, 237-yard passing performance, capped off by a legendary fourth quarter march down the field to set up a game-winning field goal. Locker, a junior and arguably one of the best quarterbacks in the nation, rushed four yards for Washington’s only touchdown in the game, late in the first quarter.

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ESPN Goes Balls Deep With Tim Tebow During Softball Game

What time is it? Tool Time!
What time is it? Tool Time!

How do you ruin an otherwise-great sporting event? Have a phone conversation with Tim Tebow, of course.

Demonstrating an incessant desire to get in the sack with the Gators QB, ESPN had their softball announcers conduct a phone interview with Tebow in the third inning of the Washington-Florida Women’s College World Series championship game.

Tebow, proving once again that he’s still the most unlikable likable guy in America, iterated and reiterated the fact that Florida’s softball players “love each other.” Not unlike the way Tim Tebow loves the cock.

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