Tag Archives: Jake Locker

The Legend of John Timu

A few years ago, something remarkable happened. The Isaiah Stanback jersey that I had been wearing to Husky football games throughout college suddenly changed, and in its place was…a Chris Izbicki jersey. Needless to say, my purple No. 4 replica ended up stashed deep in the back of the closet.

It’s a funny thing about college football. Uniform numbers turn over from year to year, taking a memorable digit to a complete unknown from spring to fall.

In the case of my Stanback jersey, it’s not that I was worried about people mistaking me for a Chris Izbicki fan (which I most certainly wasn’t). It’s that I simply didn’t want to invite the jokes that would come along with the number. Stanback wasn’t legendary enough to be recognized as the one and only No. 4. And Izbicki, as it turned out, wasn’t even mediocre enough to dispel memories of Stanback. So it was that No. 4 faded into the mist.

Which brings us to No. 10.

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UW, Media Share Blame For Heisman Flop

I don’t know Jake Locker.

I don’t know Locker’s state of mind after a 4-for-20 passing performance against a dominant Nebraska football team on Saturday afternoon.

I don’t know how Locker is reacting as fans and media members debate his future following one miserable outing.

And I certainly don’t know how Locker feels about certain words like “hype” and “Heisman.”

But I do know two things.

One, Jake Locker is a better quarterback than he appeared to be just a few short days ago.

And two, it was wrong of the University of Washington to concern Locker with the unenviable curse of the Heisman propaganda machine when wins — yes, wins, those elusive outcomes that have been hard to come by for the Huskies as of late  — were at stake.

Face it. A Heisman trophy winner typically plays for a team that records at least nine wins in a 12-game season. The Washington Huskies are a ballclub that logged all of five victories a year ago. A four-game improvement would be an absolute task, one that would require a Herculean effort from not just the quarterback, but all of his teammates as well. Is it really fair to expect that from a program that, entering 2010, had won just nine games over the entire course of Locker’s three-year playing career? That’s asking a lot from a leader who has given everything to the purple and gold since arriving on campus in 2006.

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Irrational Game Predictions: BYU vs. UW

The game as it would happen in my dreams. Because my dreams are BANGIN!

Quarter 1

After winning the coin flip and deferring, the Huskies kick off to start the game. As Erik Folk tees up the football, a buzz emerges from the opposite end of the stadium. A streaker darts across the field. Play is momentarily halted as security guards chase after the streaker, who manages to avoid them while running 100 yards untouched to the opposite goal post. He continues running down a tunnel and out of sight. The streaker is later identified as Harvey Unga. Play resumes.

Folk kicks it away and the ball sails five yards deep into the end zone. The BYU return man brings the ball out and is subsequently flattened on the one-yard line by a gang of Huskies who comment on the return man’s sister while they have him pinned to the turf. The return man staggers to his feet, content to repress his anger for the time being.

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The Year That Jake Locker Saves Us All

Admit it. You’ve been waiting for this. You’ve been waiting for Jake Locker’s name to appear in a headline on these pages this summer. You love Jake Locker. Jake Locker turns you on. This sh*t is like porn to you. Or at least literary erotica.

I’ve got a question: Is Jake Locker the greatest quarterback who ever lived? I’ve also got an answer: Yes, he is. End of paragraph.

Next paragraph.

I’m a little different than most guys. I enjoy love. I like weddings. I’ve often thought about how my own wedding would play out. Yeah, you might not give a sh*t, but you know what, I do. If that’s not cool with you, then you can go fornicate yourself. I f**king love weddings, and one of the things I’ve semi-choreographed is the music that will play at my ceremony of wedded bliss. Undoubtedly, one of those songs would have to be Your Song, by Elton John. It’s an emotionally-moving song. It’s one of my all-time favorite songs. And I love it. It’s money in the bank.

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Dear Seahawks: I Need You To Be Awfully Good or Just Plain Awful

The only thing that could disappoint me in 2010 is to witness the Seahawks piece together a mediocre season. Not a bad season. Not a good season. But very specifically, a mediocre season.

Anywhere between, say, five and eight wins would be what I consider a disappointment.

Nine wins or more? Great.

Four wins or less? Fantastic.

As long as we can avoid the uncoveted middle-of-the-road, I’ll be thrilled.

You may ask yourself why I’d be forecasting an entire season this way. It’s simple, really. I either want this team to go to the Superbowl or finish poorly enough to be in position to draft Jake Locker.

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U.S.A! U.S.A!

Hello loyal readers! You’re probably wondering where I’ve been the past few days. Thank you for your concern, but no need to worry. Truth is, I’m on a Caribbean cruise and have been without phone and internet service until today.

At around 3:15 AM PST this morning (6:15 AM ship time, 7:15 AM local time), our cruise ship entered U.S. waters for the first time and T-Mobile came back to life on my phone. I was inundated with five days worth of texts and finally found out about Cliff Lee and Jake Locker and all the other stuff that’s been going on in the real world.

But before I touch on that, let me commend the United States of America for taking control of the isle of St. Thomas in the Virgin Islands. Were it not for St. Thomas, where we’re docked today, I would not be in touch with you now. So way to go, U.S.A. Good work, there.

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