Tag Archives: Garrett Embry

Oregon Football: One Guilty Plea Every Eight Hours

Garrett Embry (left) and Jeremiah Masoli enter guilty pleas on Friday.

In the past 24 hours, three University of Oregon football players have pled guilty to various criminal charges. Running back LaMichael James pled guilty to misdemeanor harassment, while quarterback Jeremiah Masoli and wide receiver Garrett Embry pled guilty to second-degree burglary.

To put this into perspective, when extrapolated, that’s 21 guilty pleas per week, 90 guilty pleas per month, 1,095 guilty pleas per year, and 10,950 guilty pleas per decade.

To further illustrate the sheer magnitude of what this means to the Oregon football program, consider this:

It has been 93 years since the Ducks last won a Rose Bowl. (And frankly, who can forget the 14-0 whooping of Penn State in the 1917 game.) If it takes them another 93 years from this moment to win their next Rose Bowl, they will have already recorded 101,835 guilty pleas. That’s nearly four times more guilty pleas than the number of days the average human lives.

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Duck Bastards Spiraling Out Of Control

Apparently, losing the Rose Bowl sends your team into complete disarray.

The Oregon Duck football program continued its Lindsay Lohan-like fall with news breaking today that walk-on defensive end Matt Simms has been charged with assault on a man he thought was responsible for assaulting teammate Rob Beard. Beard, a kicker, was sent to the ICU last week when he was beaten unconscious during a campus brawl.

The 6’3″, 207-pound Simms encountered his alleged victim at a party last Saturday night. The alleged victim claims he told Simms he had nothing to do with Beard’s beating, but that didn’t stop Simms from issuing a beatdown of his own.

Police reports state that in spite of the alleged victim’s explanation, Simms punched his target, knocked him to the ground, and continued punching him on the ground. Simms was then taken into custody and charged with misdemeanor assault.

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