Tag Archives: Fantasy sports

The Fantasy Life


You will spend your Monday reading about the Sunday performances of real-life NFL teams, led by real-life NFL players, coached by real-life NFL coaches. You will consume and digest information about coverage schemes, reads, options, read-options, all of it. You will nod and you will agree with what you’ve taken in, not knowing what it all truly means. And then you will head on over to ESPN or Yahoo or NFL.com or CBS, log in, and check your fantasy team for the seventy-fifth time in the past three days.

This is reality. There was once a time many years ago when fantasy football was the sports equivalent of Dungeons and Dragons, a guilty pleasure that bordered on hidden obsession, the counterpart to viewing porn for hours on end. You played it, sure. But you didn’t talk about it with anyone you knew. Your leagues were limited to random counterparts across the broad spectrum of the world wide web or your very closest friends, no one else. And god forbid you got caught checking your team. Checking your team on any day, at any hour, differed in no way from adjusting your testicles in public. It looked all sorts of weird, awkward, and offensive, simultaneously. So silently, you played.

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When Draft Chat Gets Weird

The highlight of the Husky Legends Mario Bailey/Seattle Sportsnet fantasy football league draft:

Federal Way DAWGS (M. Parrott) 10:03pm: i love you ashley..
Rent’n Rascals (A. Ryan) has left the draft 10:03pm

Ah, yes. No one ever said draft chat was an easy thing to navigate. And it’s always nice to see a teenager get his one, legit shot with a radio personality.

What Happens When You Lose A Bet…

A year ago I hosted a fantasy football league in which the grand prize was the opportunity to write an article on whatever the hell you wanted and have it posted on these pages. Lucky for all of you, my friend Pete won the league. He has a tendency to rant and rave a little bit, while occasionally making no sense at all. I’d also wager that it took him all year to write this article, as it’s the longest piece of prose in the history of the world. If you get through the entire thing and learn something, I commend you on your work ethic.

I’ve edited certain parts of his work, but also left some especially entertaining parts unedited for your reading pleasure. Included in-text are italicized parentheticals with my notes and translations of what the hell this guy is talking about. Best of luck with this.

An Untitled Masterpiece On Fantasy Football And Some Other BS

(Editor’s note: The editor came up with the title.)

By Peter Lawrence

So your first question is probably, “Who the heck is this guy?” Some random dude got to write an article and have it put up on Seattle Sportsnet and you didn’t. Well this dude right here won the 2009 Seattle Sportsnet fantasy football league, while also claiming the illustrious and vaunted 2009 Pearce Fantasy League trophy.

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Top 11: Fantasy Football Players We Love To Hate

anthonygonzalez2Every year around this time, millions of Americans kick off fantasy football season. After months of scouting, drafting, adding, and dropping, all the blood, sweat, tears, and hand cramps that go along with preparing for a new year of fake football become absolutely worthwhile.

Amidst all the pomp and circumstance of the moment is a group of real-life football players that are seemingly brought to this earth to torment the fictional locker rooms of our made-up ballclubs. They may be superstars who absolutely murder the opposition, big-name Pro Bowl-types who can’t get it done on paper, or the projected fantasy studs that can’t step their game up.

No matter who they are, we all can agree that they are deserving of our hatred. Which is why we’ve narrowed the group down and present for your enjoyment a list of the Top 11 Fantasy Football Players We Love To Hate.

*Editor’s Note: This list only includes active NFL players. So sorry, Shaun Alexander, but you don’t qualify.

11. Anthony Gonzalez, WR, Indianapolis Colts

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