Tag Archives: Fantasy Football

The Worst Fantasy Football Team Ever Assembled

The official team logo of the Compton Honkies: Rick Astley.
The official team logo of the Compton Honkies: Rick Astley.

As much as it pains me to write this article, I am the owner and sole proprietor of the worst fantasy football team ever. In the history of the world. And I know it. And it sucks.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking there’s no way that my team could be worse than your team from back in the day. At some point in time we’ve all been victimized by some bad fantasy teams. Maybe we pooched the draft, or started the wrong guys, or simply were plagued by bad luck or injuries. We’ve all had our ups and downs from season to season, but no one — I assure you, nobody — has had a season as bad as the 2009 Compton Honkies.

It’s not for lack of trying. Heck, some guys realize their teams suck early on and abandon them like a newborn Chinese daughter. They fail to respond to trade offers, refuse to update their lineup, and generally bring down the entire league with their lack of participation.

I’m the complete opposite of that. I’m in a league with 11 of my friends (it’s a keeper league, as well, so we retain three players from year-to-year) and we treat our teams with the same care and precision as real-life NFL owners.

Continue reading The Worst Fantasy Football Team Ever Assembled

Top 11: Signs Your Fantasy Football Team Sucks

Have you seen this man? Neither have I.
Have you seen this man? Neither have I.

In this era of fantasy athletics, there are always going to be fantasy winners and fantasy losers. You strive to be a winner, but more often than not you lose. And you don’t know why.

Lucky for you, we’ve got your answers.

From sleepers to sure-things, we all make mistakes. The first step towards success is admitting we’ve made mistakes, correcting those mistakes, and moving forward from those mistakes.

Nobody is perfect and we all have our flaws. Together, we can overcome just about anything. Even Tarvaris Jackson.

On to the list…

11. Your sleepers are still sleeping

The “experts” told you to take chances on guys like Josh Morgan, Derrick Ward, and Nate Washington. Whoops. Guess they were wrong.

Continue reading Top 11: Signs Your Fantasy Football Team Sucks

It’s Just A Sweet, Sweet Fantasy, Baby

Slaton couldn't even rush for his jersey number in Week One
Slaton couldn't even rush for his jersey number in Week One

Week one of the NFL season is less than 24 hours from being in the books, which means it’s time to talk fantasy football. Because if there’s one thing I know and want to talk about, it’s what I like to call The Three F’s: Fantasy F*cking Football.

You’re probably wondering why you should trust anything I have to say about fantasy when there are guys out there like Matthew Berry (nerd alert) and Brandon Funston (he works for Yahoo, which is the Detroit Lions of sports info websites) who make a living out of talking about fake football. The difference between guys like that and guys like me is that I can tell you the truth, while they have to worry about the repercussions of pissing off real-life football players who might eat their children if anything bad about said player is published.

Me, I’ve got two legs to stand on and eight fantasy teams, plus one survivor pool, and one Pac-10 league to worry about. If Steve Slaton is upset with me because I need his ass to put up numbers, then so be it. Bring it, Steve.

Continue reading It’s Just A Sweet, Sweet Fantasy, Baby

The Seattle Sportsnet Premier Fantasy Football League

adrianpetersonGood news, fake sports fans!

Seattle Sportsnet is debuting a free fantasy football league for loyal readers who think they have the potential to be champions.

We are now accepting applications for the 12 coveted spots in our league. You can apply by sending us an email, or simply contacting us via Facebook.

In order to garner admission to the league, we will need three pieces of information:

1. Your contact info: First and last name, and email address.

2. Your experience (in years, months, weeks, or days) playing fantasy football.

3. Your favorite NFL player.

At the end of the season, the winning franchise will be garnered an automatic slot in next year’s league and be given the glory of a post on this site devoted to his or her achievements. There may also be a yet-to-be-determined prize. This is entirely pending, however.

Finally, we will have a live, online draft which will take place at some point next week at a date and time that works for the league members.