In case you missed it, the University of Oregon just hired former Creighton head basketball coach Dana Altman (pictured, at right) to assume the same position in Eugene. While Altman is a decent enough guy with an above-average coaching pedigree, he was probably the school’s tenth or eleventh choice for the vacant post previously held by the infamous Ernie Kent.
The Ducks began their well-chronicled search for a strong basketball mind over a month ago when they fired Kent after 13 seasons at the helm. After attempting to lure a plethora of big-name coaches with large sums of money (Mark Few, Tom Izzo, Tubby Smith, Jamie Dixon, just to name a few), the university was forced to adjust their qualifications for the ideal job candidate. We came across their most recent want ad a few days ago on CraigsList. Take a look.
Head Basketball Coach (Eugene, OR)
Date: 2010-04-20, 12:00 PM PDT
Reply to: email@example.com [Errors when replying to ads?]Semi-prestigious university based in Eugene, Oregon is seeking a head coach for its men’s basketball program.
Today is a sad day. It marks the end of a beautiful relationship that we shared together. The University of Washington students and you, Ernie Kent, head coach of the Oregon Ducks and our greatest adversary.
A foe unlike any other, you proved yourself worthy of our animosity, our scorn, our jokes, and our begrudging respect all at the same time.
You were a stubborn man, but not without conviction. Our tumultuous working relationship, in fact, began as a result of your headstrong attitude.
Back in 2005, you decided you wanted our student section relocated to your personal liking. The Dawg Pack, you argued, should not breathe down the necks of opposing ballclubs. The Dawg Pack, you reasoned, would be better situated across the court, or at least along the baselines.
You even went so far as to petition the Pac-10 with your proposal. Unfortunately for you (and fortunately for us), they shot you down. Legend has it that then-Arizona head coach Lute Olson stood up on our behalf, praising the Washington student section and insisting that we not be moved.
In case you haven’t checked your pocket schedule lately, the University of Oregon men’s basketball team is coming to town on Saturday, which means one thing: Mexican Fiesta Night.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking this gag has run its course. WRONG! If there is any gag that will never fully run its course, it’s this one, otherwise known as Ernie Kent’s nightmare.
Fact: The Huskies have won eight straight home contests against the Ducks, dating back to 2002. You think that has anything to do with Mexican Fiesta Night? Absolutely, it does. Which is why we must continue the tradition for as long as Kent is in command.
Woke up this morning remembering every detail of my dream in complete clarity. To call this the greatest dream ever is an understatement. At the very least, we need to refer to it with unnecessary capitalization of letters (EVER!).
So here’s the premise.
I’m stuck in Eugene, Oregon for whatever awful reason and find my way into a basketball arena where I’m quickly trapped along with about 20,000 or so other people.
Unbeknownst to everyone else (but beknownst to me, even though beknownst isn’t a word) we are here to be killed. Killed by none other than University of Oregon basketball coach/diabolical genius bent on world domination Ernie Kent.
Using Detroit Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford as a robot weapon of mass destruction, Kent has plotted to have us all murdered for his pure enjoyment (his motive is not made entirely clear to me, though at this point in my dream I’m in that “act first, ask question later” mode).
You’ve seen ESPN’s Not Top 10. This is a lot like that, except it’s one better and has a different name. The Bottom 11 is the foil to our Top 11, a list of the 11 least awesome things to happen over the course of the past week in sports. Enjoy.
11. Alex Rodriguez lies while trying to clarify the truth. Remember those steroids A-Rod allegedly ingested? The ones that are illegal here, but as he claims, legal in the Dominican Republic? Apparently, the D.R. has no idea what he’s talking about, since the performance-enhancers he came clean about are, in fact, illegal in the mother land as well. When does the lying stop?
10. Texas Tech QB Graham Harrell runs a 5.07 40-yard dash time at NFL combine. No one ever accused the former Red Raider of being quick, but 5.07? That’s a bad high school time. Out of the way Graham, the senior citizen walkathon needs to pass you.