This hasn’t happened yet, as far as I know. But I figure if our favorite French-Canadian fireballer can get sidelined by stiffness in his shoulder, there are a handful of other stiffness-related ailments that could prevent Monsieur Bedard from taking the mound.

I don’t mean to make light of Erik Bedard’s situation — he is recovering from serious shoulder surgery, after all — but come on. You gotta come up with something better than “stiffness” to miss a start. I’m pretty sure the M’s front office has exhausted an entire thesaurus trying to find nice ways to describe the southpaw’s relative softness.

Remember a couple years ago when the guy was dealing with “impingement” in that same throwing shoulder? I just Googled “impingement synonyms” and here are a sampling of the words that associate themselves with this painful ailment: “kiss,” “thrusting,” “unlawful entry,” “whomp,” “ramming,” “rub.” So Bedard experienced a shoulder kiss. And went to the disabled list.

I don’t know, folks. As much as I want to believe Bedard, as much as I want him to succeed (and I do), and as much as I sincerely wish he’d turn himself into a bona fide ace, I just don’t see the boy who cried wolf ever becoming a fixture in a Mariners uniform. A fixture on the team’s training table, perhaps, but in a jersey? Not so much.

Continue reading Bedard Wakes With Boner, Heads To DL →

The Mariners might bring Erik Bedard back.

I might learn how to fly.

Rosie O’Donnell might not be gay.

Magnum P.I. might one day return to primetime television.

These are all things that might happen. Or might not. I mean, there’s a chance. But there’s also no chance. Who really knows for sure?

The fact is, we’re blowing this Erik Bedard rumor way out of proportion. Sure, it’s fun to talk about, but in reality it’s basically just water-cooler fodder.

Let’s think about this for a minute.

Continue reading This Whole Erik Bedard Thing Is Getting Out Of Hand →

Erik Bedard sees the sixth inning about as often as a fat guy sees his penis.

This, of course, brings to mind a scene from Family Guy in which Stewie Griffin walks amongst a crowd of fat guys shouting, “Find your penis! One dollar, find your penis, here!”

Here’s a challenge to Erik Bedard: find the sixth inning.

“Find the sixth inning, don’t be a wimp now, find the sixth inning, here!”

This isn’t a beer league softball contest.  We don’t call games after five innings have been played.

This is the Major Leagues.  We go a full nine here, and we like it when our starters can last for two-thirds of a game, at the very least.

Continue reading M’s impose Little League restrictions on Bedard →