Tag Archives: Detroit Lions

Know Your F@#%ing Opponent: Detroit Lions

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The bluest of Fridays to all 12 of you reading this! We’ve reached Week Four of the NFL season, and this week’s Seahawks opponent you need to know about is… the Detroit Lions.

Golden Tate is back! The guy who is absolutely, unequivocally, 100-percent responsible for Russell and Ashton Wilson’s divorce is returning to Seattle this weekend to wreck some homes, jack a few doughnuts, and maybe make a catch or two.

What? Don’t pretend like you weren’t consumed by the Golden-Ashton rumors. They may be silly. They may be unsubstantiated. They may not even be true. But don’t deny it: you were sucked into the juiciness like a 40-year-old single woman on Bachelor night.

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Golden Tate and the Conundrum of Replaceable Players

Seattle Seahawks v St Louis RamsThere are more than a few dozen Golden Tates. He is a type. He is not the prototype. He is not Calvin Johnson. You can replace a Golden Tate with another Tate-type. You cannot replace a Calvin Johnson, a prototype, when only one of his kind, a six-foot-five-inch speedster with hands like cocoa butter, exists.

This is the reality of business in the National Football League. Unless you are a unique breed, amongst the elite in the sport, you are replaceable. You’re an after-market iPhone charger, a USB thumb drive, a pair of Levi’s 501s. We can go to the store and easily get more of you. Or in the case of your average NFL player, browse the open market for a viable successor.

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Unhappy Fat Guy Thinks You Suck

Rob Sims hates you.

Seriously.

Assuming you live in Seattle, that is.

The ex-Seahawks offensive lineman was introduced as the newest member of the Detroit Lions today, and he had some choice words for his former city:

“This (Detroit) is a football town. Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Detroit. I mean, that’s football. Football and cars. This is more of what I’m accustomed to. Out there (in Seattle) the stars are Bill Gates and Paul Allen and the people that run Boeing. This here is what being in the NFL is supposed to be about, (standing) up here at the mic talking to reporters and stuff. In Seattle, it’s not like that. It’s drinking coffee, sittin’ down and chit-chatting. This is a change, but it’s a change that I’ve been looking forward to.”

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