Last year, I had an idea for a Mariners commercial featuring Richie Sexson and Raul Ibanez. It actually made sense, had a beginning, middle, and an end, and would have been fairly enjoyable to watch. I actually considered acting it out and posting it on YouTube, but that’s juvenile. So to be more adult about the whole matter, I’ve written out the script and posted it here, for you to enjoy.
TITLE: “Richie Strikes Out”
Scene #1: Peoria Sports Complex, under the lights, the big game. We’re led to believe that this is a real, regular season game, despite the fact that it’s being held at the team’s Spring Training facility, but that’s cool. Mariner first baseman Richie Sexson is up to bat with the game on the line, bottom of the ninth, two outs. The pitcher delivers, Sexson swings and misses for strike three, and the game is over. As Sexson walks back to the dugout, fans boo mercilessly at the failing slugger.
Fans (in unison): BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Fan #1: You suck, Richie!
Fan #2: I tore the head off your bobblehead and stuck it on my Barbie because you hit like a girl!