Tag Archives: Cliff Lee

Believe in Moderation

believebig2Remember 2010? It will forever be etched in time as the Seattle Mariners’ “Believe Big” year. Believing big didn’t really work out the way everyone hoped, but the optimism was warranted. Coming off a promising 2009 campaign in which the team posted an 85-77 win-loss mark, the ’09-’10 offseason was full of giddiness and excitement.

Neglecting the various warts in a lineup pockmarked by over-performers and aging veterans, the M’s front office pulled off two major moves that offseason. The first came on December 8th, 2009 in the form of diminutive free agent infielder Chone Figgins. The Mariners inked Figgins to a (ugh) four-year contract that day, then waited just eight more days before pulling off their next big move. On December 16th, the team acquired starting pitcher Cliff Lee from Philadelphia for a hodgepodge of middling prospects. The move was heralded as a franchise-changer, the type that would take the organization from okay to great. With Lee and Felix Hernandez, the Mariners would be unstoppable. Never mind the fact that, assuming both aces stayed healthy, the duo would appear in just 40-percent of the team’s games. This was it! This was the Mariners’ year!

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JUSTIN F***IN’ SMOAK, BABY!

Immediate reaction to the news that Cliff Lee and Mark Lowe have been traded to the Texas Rangers for first baseman Justin Smoak and three others (via Facebook):

The deal is now being confirmed. Which means….F***IN RIGHT! WE GOT JUSTIN SMOAK! HOLY SH*T! HOLY SH*T! WE WIN! WE WIN! JACK Z., I’M HAVING YOUR BABY TONIGHT! LET’S GO! LET’S GO! MARINERS, BABY! MARINERS! THAT’S MY F***IN TEAM RIGHT THERE! THAT’S MY TEAM! BEEN WITH YOU SINCE I WAS BORN! LOVE YOU GUYS! LOVE YOU GUYS! JUSTIN SMOAK BABY! JUSTIN F***IN SMOAK! F*** YEAH!

Justin Smoak, for the win.

I love you, Jack.

Goodbye, Casey.

F*** It: We’re Keeping Cliff Lee

I’d like to start by dedicating this post to the guy who keeps commenting on articles, demanding that I stop writing about the Mariners. Enjoy this, beyotch.

Now let’s address what really matters. Cliff Lee. What a pimp. The dude is insane. He’s arguably the best pitcher in baseball right now and it’s effortless. He’s pitching at a level that no Mariner has pitched at since Randy Johnson was in town. He’s that amazing.

Watching Lee pitch is like watching porn. You realize you’re immersed in fantasy, you sense this is too good to be true, and yet you can’t take your eyes off the action. He’s a freakin’ pornstar. We have a pornstar on the mound.

Just a few hours ago, I was under the impression that the Mariners should swap Lee for prospects as the trade deadline nears. It makes sense. The team is in last place, Lee will be a free agent at season’s end. Why not, right?

But after the left-hander’s most recent complete game, my opinion has changed entirely.

We need Cliff Lee. We need to try to keep Cliff Lee. If we trade Cliff Lee, the only time we’ll see him again is when he’s dominating our hitters. Personally, I don’t think I can handle that.

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Prematurely Grading The M’s Off-Season Acquisitions

Because it’s never too early to hand out progress reports.

*Editor’s note: The following list only applies to players who have logged Major League service time thus far in 2010. Likewise, players who were re-signed to contracts (i.e. Ken Griffey Jr., Mike Sweeney, etc.) are not considered. This report card is solely designed to assess the play of new offseason acquisitions.

Player: Milton Bradley

How acquired: Via trade with the Chicago Cubs, in exchange for pitcher Carlos Silva.

2010 salary: $11,000,000

Grade: D-

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Cliff Lee Wins AL Simulated Pitcher of the Month Award

The Mariners announced this morning that lefty Cliff Lee was the recipient of the American League Simulated Pitcher of the Month Award for April.

Lee, acquired in the offseason from the Philadelphia Phillies, went 4-0 in simulated pitching appearances over the past three weeks. His dominant performance was enough to land him the award with nine days remaining in the season’s opening month.

“It feels great to be recognized,” said Lee in a press conference, “but it’s really all about the championship for me. The individual accolades are nice, but I’m here to help this ballclub win a ring.”

Considered the early front runner for the AL Simulated Cy Young Award, Lee has baffled simulated hitters with an assortment of fastballs, breaking balls, and change-ups that may or may not be real. His ability to work the corners and open the simulated strike zone is lauded by his imaginary coaches, and even opponents recognize what they are up against.

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U.S.A! U.S.A!

Hello loyal readers! You’re probably wondering where I’ve been the past few days. Thank you for your concern, but no need to worry. Truth is, I’m on a Caribbean cruise and have been without phone and internet service until today.

At around 3:15 AM PST this morning (6:15 AM ship time, 7:15 AM local time), our cruise ship entered U.S. waters for the first time and T-Mobile came back to life on my phone. I was inundated with five days worth of texts and finally found out about Cliff Lee and Jake Locker and all the other stuff that’s been going on in the real world.

But before I touch on that, let me commend the United States of America for taking control of the isle of St. Thomas in the Virgin Islands. Were it not for St. Thomas, where we’re docked today, I would not be in touch with you now. So way to go, U.S.A. Good work, there.

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