Below is a response to a letter penned to Seattle by The Oklahoman columnist Jenni Carlson. Read at your own risk.
Dear Oklahoma City,
Truce? I don’t think so.
Here in Seattle, we’ve been watching your basketball team and its slobber-knocking run to an inevitable playoff ouster. We see the joy our former Sonics have created. We see the passion your fans have for this championship-losing bound bunch. We see the arm-waving, cousin-banging Thunder-up insanity of it all.
And we wonder if it’s time you went and fucked yourselves.
You’ve got a great, albeit unaccomplished basketball team.
We’ve got a great football team.
Can we all just agree that you’ll go fuck yourselves?
Sure, there will probably always be some people in Oklahoma City who want to get along with Seattle because they need validation and have a strong desire to be liked and accepted by all of society. They watched a couple years ago when the Thunder lost in the NBA Finals and felt that a future of fateful title defeats might be avoided if a bit of good karma was extended the Pacific Northwest’s way.
Continue reading Hey, Oklahoma City: Can you stop being passive-aggressive jerkoffs now?
There will come a day that we have the Supersonics back.
There will come a day that our Supersonics triumph over the Oklahoma City Thunder.
There will come a day that those beloved Supersonics, Seattle’s own, will win this city its second NBA championship.
But until then, we just sit here. In pain, mostly. Because for every ounce of effort we pour into building a brand new facility that will host those days that will come, for every speck of energy we devote to rallying the masses to call out the name of a temporarily-inconvenienced basketball team, for every shred of our collective hearts we exhaust on emotion for those memories the past has given to us, we often find ourselves at the mercy of the reality of the here and now.
Continue reading A Testament to Seattle’s Pain
There are some people you just don’t like.
For example, today I was playing pickup basketball when a dude that I don’t really know all that well kept fouling me. Every shot I took, he’d run beneath me, undercutting my follow-through so that I landed awkwardly. It’s one of the dirtiest moves in sports. You just don’t undercut people on the basketball court. It’s like hitting below the belt in boxing. It’s a no-no.
It’s not just that he was fouling me today that bugged me. This was the second week in a row that dude had performed these annoyingly dangerous little tactics. I had asked him to stop last week and he didn’t. So this week I didn’t ask him. I just hit him. And I told him never to do it again. Sometimes you just gotta hit people. Let that be a lesson, kids: Always keep it real.
Continue reading I Hope Clay Bennett Gets Sh*t On By A Condor
Oh hey, what do you know, it’s the NBA.
This is the third time that the NBA has kicked off a season without the Sonics, and every time it happens, a wound is opened in the middle of my heart.
Now we could sit here and reminisce about the good ol’ days if we wanted to. Talk about our childhood memories of Gus Williams and Jack Sikma, Gary Payton and Shawn Kemp, or for the younger fans, Vladimir Stepania and Jelani McCoy (heh), but why get all nostalgic like that?
Continue reading There’s A Special Place In Hell For Schlutz, Bennett, and Stern
Our first ten gifts can be found here and here. Also, we’ve added this week’s poll on our first ten gifts and we’re asking you to choose your favorite. The poll can be found on the left side of your screen in our sidebar. And now here’s our number one Seattle sports-related gift for this holiday season.
1. Clay Bennett brand luggage. So you happen to be going away for awhile. You’re going to need luggage to carry all of your belongings, and Oklahoma City Thunder owner Clay Bennett wants to help you out. Clay is an expert when it comes to long-distance travel, which is why he has released a new line of luggage featuring his namesake for the holiday season.
Clay Bennett brand luggage is made from the highest quality materials on earth. Whether you’re looking for a briefcase made of albino panda skin, an orca-lined suitcase, or an American bald eagle feather fanny pack, Clay Bennett offers it all. The Clay line will make no sacrifices and cut no corners when it comes to doing what’s best for Clay’s supporters.
And Clay Bennett brand comes in a variety of shapes and sizes as well. Whether you want to tote a laptop or heck, maybe even a whole basketball team, the Clay collection can handle it all!
We’ve surveyed thousands upon thousands of Oklahomans to see how they feel about the new Clay Bennett luggage collection and here’s what they had to say.
Tulsa native Johnnie Rae Jenkins, plumber: “With Clay Bennett, I was able to pack enough luggage for a two-week vacation to visit my aunt and bruncle (brother-uncle) up north. My eight kids and fifteen-year-old wife came too!”
Piedmont native Darby Hootengrass, restaurateur: “Clay Bennett brand luggage helped me pack up my single-wide and move it up the highway to a new spot where I now make my home.”
Fairview native Esther Clumpett, candy shop owner: “At Clumpett’s Candy, we specialize in making fudge. It used to be so difficult for me to transport my fudge to all our locations around the state, but with my new luggage it’s become so much easier. Now I’m able to take as much fudge from store to store as I want. With Clay Bennett, fudgepacking has never been so easy! Thank you, Clay!”
You see! Clay Bennett brand luggage can do it all! Don’t miss out on the number one gift for this holiday season. Act now and Clay Bennett luggage can be yours!