The thing about going to a Mariners game these days is that after a while, you just get bored. Fact is, you can only witness so many low-scoring affairs before you want to poke your own eyes out. Still, for lack of better things to do, I frequent Safeco Field in the summertime because a) I enjoy baseball, b) I like to chill on summer evenings, and c) I have the green hydro in my fantasy hydro league.
For the six or seven of you out there who happened to watch Wednesday night’s 4-2 slugfest between the M’s and the Angels, you know how insanely boring that game was. Aside from some good defense by Franklin Gutierrez in center field, there was literally nothing memorable from the contest. At one point, my buddy Chris said to me, “God, this is the type of game you want to go run on the field, just for something to do.” We then spent half an inning contemplating the best places to hop the fence and take off, taking special note of areas where the girthier security guards were stationed.
By the seventh inning, we had found our way down to the bullpen and were prepared to trade barbs with any relievers who might want to get witty with us. Instead, however, the first thing we saw was Angels’ setup man Scot Shields tossing a slew of baseballs to some young Mariner fans in the stands, out of the goodness of his heart. “I can’t heckle that guy,” I said to Chris, “he’s a saint.” To which Chris replied, “Neither can I.” So heckling was out.