This is Bartolo Colon. You may remember him as a professional athlete who used to more closely resemble a human being.
We haven’t seen Bartolo in a couple years, but it appears that he has now consumed a second helping of whatever it is he consumed the first time he became engorged (probably a small child or a midget).
The Yankees — yes, the New York Yankees — are auditioning Colon for the team’s currently-vacant fifth starter role. Hell of a back-end anchor, this man. Could probably sink an entire ship, in fact.
This is just a reminder to all you Mariners fans out there that it could be worse. We could be shelling out millions of dollars for the post-game spread and a Jabba the Hutt lookalike. But we’re not. So, you know…Believe Big.
A list of things that bother me in the world of sports.
-The Canadian National Anthem at sporting events. Let’s face it, Canada. Without America, you’re nothing. Instead of playing the Canadian National Anthem before games, we should just play the Star Spangled Banner twice. Once for America, and once for our mooching cousin to the north.
-White boy college basketball players that play really, really hard but aren’t that good. These are the same people who will one day follow you home and kick your ass after you accidentally cut them off on the highway. They’re willing to fight you over the answer to a trivia question, and are way too intense about the little things in life, like cupcakes…”THOSE ARE BEAUTIFUL CUPCAKES!!!” Calm down, big fella.
Continue reading Wayne Chism’s headband, and other things that bother me in sports