Tag Archives: Angry Rants

The Top 35 Twitter Personas We Love To Hate

mackdaddywonkaTwitter. A haven for self-aggrandizing mini-stories. A place for all of us to get together and meet without ever having to see an actual human being. For all the reasons we love Twitter, there are an equal number of reasons we hate it. The following 35 personas are the main contributors to our loathing.

35. The Mack Daddy

Sample tweet: “@HotGirl1 You look beautiful today ;)”

Forty-seven years of life has yielded no spawn for this man. E-Harmony has failed him, while Match.com sadly yielded no matches. He friend requested everybody on Facebook, but only 64 people reluctantly confirmed his acquaintanceship. The last time he had sex was during the Bush administration…Bush Senior, that is. With nowhere left to turn, The Mack Daddy has opted to spread his virtual seed on Twitter. The benefactors of his admiration? Every woman he deems beautiful. Maybe even you. Check your DMs, pretty lady…

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Five Signs Your Sports Fanaticism Is Actually Legitimate Craziness Trying To Get Out

You sick, sick bastard. You’re not a fan. You’re more than a fan. In your own mind, at least. To the rest of us, you straddle the line separating sanity from lunacy. You probably shouldn’t be allowed near a computer. It might not be a good idea for you to interact with other human beings, or even set foot outside your house. Yet you keep perpetuating your craziness on anyone who will give you half a second of their time. You’re a danger to society. But you don’t see that at all.

It’s time someone clued you in to your manic nature of insane proportions. You need help. We can’t get you that help you need, but we can at least present you with a few warning signs. If you suffer from any of the following symptoms, seek medical attention immediately. Don’t wait another day. You might kill someone, and in this country, that’s against the law. Do not be that guy that kills someone. No one wants that.

Anyway, without further ado, here are five ways to tell if you’re a certified nut job or not…

1. You texted a recruit.

You crazy f**king a-hole. You should NEVER be texting recruits! You should not know their phone numbers! You should not be texting ANY teenagers! You should not be making ANY contact with them WHATSOEVER! You are an adult. They are kids. Kids and adults live in separate worlds and frankly, things are better that way. Don’t be talking to kids unless they’re your own. Don’t be talking to kids recreationally. Matter of fact, don’t talk to kids at all.

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