Tag Archives: 950 KJR

Update: The Seattle Times Bans Sportswriters from Local Radio, TV

*Updated 8/31/17

In what is sure to be hailed as a brilliant public relations maneuver by absolutely no one, The Seattle Times has decided to prohibit their entire sports writing staff from appearing on local radio and television for the foreseeable future.

Beginning September 5th, Times sportswriters will be barred from the Seattle airwaves at the behest of management, preventing reporters and columnists from fulfilling previous commitments to local sports radio stations and television outlets. Once imposed, the ban will primarily have an impact on entities like Sports Radio 950 KJR and 710 ESPN Seattle, where many of the Times’ stable of writers would often appear.

Citing “competing forms of media” as the reason behind the embargo, the Times seems willing to sacrifice much-needed exposure for… ego, perhaps? Because make no mistake about it, this decree comes straight from the top and is a direct result of hurt feelings and a bruised manhood.

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The Unofficially Official 2014 Sports Radio KJR Dance Preview

13_kate-upton_27Once again, we’ve reached that point in the year when sports take a back seat to women, as they so often tend to do. In this instance, however, you have the opportunity to win a trip to any sporting event in the world by accurately selecting the hottest women on the planet.

Because the stakes are so high, we’ve decided to help you out on your way to the rugby World Cup in Australia, the Jai Alai championship in Malaysia, or the Beer Olympics in Europe. At the same time, you’re more than welcome to play along with Seattle Sportsnet and a number of our closest friends by filling out a bracket at SportsRadioKJR.com, then navigating here, clicking “Join,” and entering the password, “sonics.”

Below you’ll find projections for all 64 matchups in this year’s tournament. We’ve done all the dirty work for you because we care. And also because we got to scour Google Images for pictures of these women. But mostly because we care.

FIRST ROUND

Region 1: Your Fortune Awaits

Katy Perry vs. Rihanna

For the second year in a row, Perry and Rihanna are matched up against one another in the tournament’s opening round. A season ago, it was Perry who triumphed over her Barbadian foe and there’s no reason to believe the outcome will be any different in 2014. Take a bow, Rihanna, it’s over. Winner: Perry.

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The Unofficially Official 2013 Sports Radio KJR Dance Preview

pinderIt’s that time of year again. Dance time. Formerly “Bigger” Dance time. But then some blowhard decided “Bigger Dance” was too close to “Big Dance” for the comfort of some asshole’s lawyer, so here we are with “The Dance.” As if this is like the shindig of the year at a local high school or something.

Anyway, enough about that. You need to fill out a Dance bracket and you’re looking for some help. That’s where I come in. I’m not an expert, but I do pride myself on being judgmental. As we’ve done here in the past, we’ll go through every single Dance matchup and give you a winner. From Game 1 to Game 64.

Right about now if you either a) need to fill out your Dance bracket at Sports Radio KJR or b) are just plain confused as to what all this is really about, please click here and achieve both a) and/or b). If you’d also like to join the SSN Dance pool, please navigate here and enter the following:

Pool Number: 678

Password: sonics

To your left you’ll see a picture of a beautiful woman. That’s Lucy Pinder. She won this competition last year. There will be more pictures of beautiful women as you scroll down. Enjoy that. Maybe don’t read this at work, but enjoy it nonetheless. Without further ado…

FIRST ROUND

Region 1: Chelada

Sofia Vergara vs. Alicia Keys

Just the other day I happened to be watching BET (they show reruns of Family Matters in the afternoon, in case you were wondering why) when I caught a showing of the movie Soul Plane. I’d never seen Soul Plane before, but wouldn’t you know it, one of the flight attendants for NWA Airlines was played by Sofia Vergara. So not only has she captured the Latino vote (naturally) and the white vote (Modern Family), but she also has the black vote. Even Alicia Keys isn’t that omnipresent. Winner: Vergara.

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Out of Gas

mikegastineauWhen I was a freshman in high school, I had a friend, Stephen, whose older brother would frequently give me a ride home after class. Every afternoon, without fail, Stephen’s brother had the AM dial tuned to 950 KJR. And every afternoon, as the three of us rode home, we listened to Dave Grosby and Mike Gastineau talk about sports.

Prior to that point in my life, I hadn’t really been exposed to much sports talk radio. Sure, I listened to games and postgame shows and the like. But the rest of the time, I lent my ears to music. R&B, hip-hop, and goofy soft rock that years later would somehow work its way onto my iPod and become a novelty of sorts. Sports radio, back in those days, just wasn’t my thing. Until those rides home my freshman year.

Groz with Gas, as it was called, was an odd show to me. Here were two middle-aged men dissecting the local and national sports scene, all while joking around about nearly every subject they touched on. It was different, unlike anything I’d really experienced before. These two knuckleheads would banter and giggle, and we would do the same. They entertained us with jabs at a Godawful Sonics bench, a floundering Mariners bullpen, a perennially mediocre Seahawks squad. They managed, somehow, to make failure funny. And here we were, as teenagers, enjoying the humor.

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The Furness Show Deserves Better

The Furness Show crew and two of their greatest beneficiaries (clockwise from left: Ryan Divish, Josh Sabrowsky, Ian Furness, yours truly, Jason Puckett, and Ashley Ryan)

I believe in my friends. They’re good people. All of them. If they weren’t, I wouldn’t be friends with them. It’s that simple. Not that I’m some expert on relationships or anything. But I feel like I’m a pretty decent judge of character. And what my friends have is quality character worthy of my faith. There’s no doubt in my mind. As a result, from time to time I use my bias towards these friends of mine to sell the world on the things they represent.

Today is one of those moments I’ve chosen to be selfish about a few of my friends. You may have heard of these particular people in passing before. They are, in no particular order, Ian Furness, Jason Puckett, Josh Sabrowsky, and Ashley Ryan. They all work for Sports Radio KJR (950 on your local AM dial; 102.9 on local FM), they’re all good at what they do, and they all happen to thrive at their jobs from 1:00-3:00 p.m. each weekday. Furness is the lanky Canadian host of the show bearing his name; Puckett is the plucky, wise-cracking everyman sidekick; Josh is the easy-target/producer; and Ashley is the girl who knows sports and has boobs…or something like that.

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The Official 2011 950 KJR (Bigger) Dance Preview

Two years ago, I wrote up a comprehensive preview on 950 KJR’s (Bigger) Dance. It was in-depth, wordy, and fairly popular for how long and drawn out it was. I broke down every matchup in extreme detail, showcasing my knowledge of attractive women and doing my very best to help my readers to victory in everyone’s favorite office pool. Overall, I give it a D-minus. Certainly not my best work, though the photos were worthwhile.

This year, I figured I’d take another crack at it. But in fewer words and with some help. Try to bump the level of quality up to a more satisfactory range.

A firm believer in the power of the opposite sex in this annual celebration of the feminine figure, I enlisted the help of three females in previewing this year’s field. Special thanks go out to Kalisa Beyer, Charmin Flojo, and Zareen Rahman for helping me put this thing together. In addition to their commentary throughout, take a look at their respective Final Fours and champions at the end of the article.

Without further ado, on to the preview…

Continue reading The Official 2011 950 KJR (Bigger) Dance Preview

Prepare Yourself For The (Bigger) Dance

If you don’t know about the (Bigger) Dance, click here. To briefly explain, the (Bigger) Dance was originally created by 950 KJR’s morning show host Mitch Levy back in 1997 and is a tournament in the likeness of the Big Dance which crowns the Queen of the Hardwood.

To make your picks, participate in the bracket challenge, and qualify to win a trip to any sporting event in the world, click the link above or simply navigate to 950KJR.com.

Once your picks have been made, join the Seattle Sportsnet office pool by clicking here (or by selecting “Join an Office Pool” from the Bracket drop-down menu on the site), then type in the unique pool number and password, which are as follows:

Pool Number: 534

Password: seattlesportsnet

In the coming days, we’ll have all the (Bigger) Dance analysis you need right here on these pages, the only place online where you can get such advice. So stay tuned. We’re here to help you win…

Your 7-Step Guide To Calling A Sports Radio Station

You want to call a sports radio station but you need help. Thankfully, you’ve got me. I’m an expert on this sort of thing. Not because I call sports radio stations myself. But because I listen. And listening, as any girl will tell you, is the key.

That’s why I’ve created this step-by-step guide to helping you make that all-important call to voice your opinion on something that, frankly, most people probably don’t care about it. But that’s beside the point. The point is, you’ve been dying to pick up that phone and hear your voice on the airwaves. I’m here to make it easier for you. Let’s go.

Step 1: Tell the call screener that he/she has a sexy voice.

It doesn’t hurt to butter up the person in charge of putting you through to the host. “Hey sexy, you sound hot,” should suffice. In this day and age, it doesn’t really matter if this person is of the opposite gender or not. Most attractive people with sexy voices are used to both homo- and heterosexual attention. Just let it rip. You’ll see immediate results.

For added effect, breathe heavily.

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What Is Karate Emergency?

As loyal readers of Seattle Sportsnet, you have a right to be informed. Which is why I’m here to tell you that it’s on. Next Tuesday night. 8:00 p.m. What’s on, you ask? Karate Emergency.

I should probably italicize that since it’s the name of a production. Karate Emergency. There. Now it’s official. Let me tell you something. You know you’ve made it when you can italicize the name of something that you’ve created. I don’t even italicize Seattle Sportsnet, so you know how important Karate Emergency is. Parents don’t even italicize the names of their children. So it’s even more important than that. We’re bigger than life itself. Think about that. It’s deep.

Karate Emergency. It’s the name of our goofy-ass podcast radio show. Endorsed (however loosely) by Sports Radio 950 KJR, recorded in a real-life studio, broadcast to the ears of millions, and made just for you, the Seattle sports fanatic.

That’s what this show is destined to be. An outlet for the local sports fan. Think of Seattle Sportsnet on radio, with three more people, wittier banter, and an Almost Live! feel to it. That’s what we’re trying to make Karate Emergency out to be. And it’s gonna be fantastic.

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Two Programming Notes

One, if you haven’t made plans to attend The Athletic Supporters Basketball Showcase this evening, I highly recommend this opportunity for free entertainment (click here for details). It’s not every day that you get to watch a bunch of grown men run around in shorts and tank tops trying to rekindle their glory years. It should be a lot of fun for everyone.

Two, on Wednesday I will be appearing on 950 KJR AM with Ian Furness at 1:20 p.m. for a social media roundtable. Joining me will be Ryan Divish from the Tacoma News-Tribune, Chris Fetters from Dawgman.com, and Jason Churchill from ProspectInsider.com and ESPN. We will be broadcasting live from Dino’s Pub in North Renton (across the freeway from the Seahawks’ practice facility), so stop by if you get a chance.

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It’s A Party! And Everyone’s Invited!

To view this public event on Facebook, please click here.

The Athletic Supporters are arguably the greatest recreational sports franchise in the history of the world, if not the entire universe. If you haven’t yet learned of their greatness, please go to the following audio clip and scroll to the 2-minute mark, followed shortly thereafter by the 11-minute mark: http://bit.ly/c8ibF6

Don’t act like you’re not impressed. The Athletic Supporters’ fame — nay, infamy — has reached the airwaves of mass media. Are they America’s team? Some would say yes, they are. If nothing else, they’re the Greater Seattle Metro Area and Surrounding Suburbs’ team. Indubitably.

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The Legacy of Dick Fain

He is the most underrated play-by-play man in the Lower Queen Anne neighborhood.

His name is Dick Fain.

He used to be Softy’s sidekick on 950 KJR, until they gave him the axe, even though I wrote to program director Rich Moore and told him they needed to keep Dick around.

He is an assistant boys’ basketball coach at Mount Rainier High School in Des Moines.

He can make his voice climb three or four octaves when talking about Sue Bird.

Sometimes, he screams.

He is well-coiffed. He probably uses L.A. Looks on that scalp.

The second Google entry when you search for the term “dick fain” reveals a post from this website.

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Ashley Ryan Wins The Week

We all say things that, when taken out of context, are hilarious. Most of us don’t say those things on the radio, however.

That’s what makes Ashley Ryan special. Not only does she say things that will make you giggle, but she does so unintentionally in front of thousands of listeners.

For those of you who don’t know Ashley, she comes to you live each and every weekday from the State Farm Traffic Center. You might hear her on various ClearChannel stations throughout your radio dial, but she’s arguably most famous for her work with Sports Radio 950 KJR.

That’s where this audio clip comes to us from. I just happened to be tuned in on Wednesday afternoon when Ashley uttered the sentence you just heard in the sound bite. In context, she was speaking directly to my good friend Josh, who was reading a lengthy list of guests scheduled to join host Jason Puckett for the afternoon show. Out of context, she had a Grade-A “That’s what she said” moment.

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Attention, Everyone: They’re Putting Me On The Radio Again…

For real, for real.

Tune in to the Ian Furness Show on sports radio 950 KJR AM Wednesday afternoon at 2:15 to join Ian, Chris Fetters of Dawgman.com, Ryan Divish of the Tacoma News-Tribune, and myself as we discuss blogging, new media, and other fun stuff.

We’ll all be in studio together (so it won’t sound like static-y crap, because let’s face it, we all hate that), plus you can stream the feed live through your computer by going to 950KJR.com.

It’ll be an absolute blast. I hear we’re hiring strippers, KY Jelly wrestling matches will undoubtedly ensue, and by the end of the afternoon we should all be kickin’ it to Notorious B.I.G. as we sit mellowed out sipping on Purple Drank. In the immortal words of Biggie Smalls, it’s all good, baby, bab-ay.

Don’t miss it. You’ll seriously regret it if you do. Seriously.