I do this every year. People know about it. It’s kind of a big deal. It warms the cockles of so many hearts. Sometimes, people that read this analysis even do well in the tournament. Mostly, though, I’m here to help my fellow man. Or, perhaps, fellow woman.
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Without further ado…
Region 1: Original
Meagan Good vs. Carrie Underwood
Carrie is a perennial favorite. She gets the guy vote, of course, but also the highly underrated female vote. She’s a national treasure. You can’t pick against her. She once took a Louisville Slugger to both of Tony Romo’s headlights. Can Meagan Good claim any of that? No. No, she cannot. Winner: Underwood.
Paula Patton vs. Kate Upton
I’ll be honest. I don’t know who Paula Patton is. That said, Paula is not a name often associated with hotness. You don’t see a hot chick running Green Lake in yoga pants and think to yourself, Damn, I bet that girl’s name is Paula. No one’s ever thought that before. Not ever.
Kate Upton (pictured above, right), on the other hand, is this year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition cover model and has big boobies. If we know anything about this tournament, it’s that a strong frontcourt and the ability to really take it to the rack trumps everything else. I’ve also been told that she is not related to B.J. Upton, which means she’s not burdened by inherent suckiness. Winner: Upton.