The Drunk Bracket Challenge
I have a plan. Next year, I will fill out two brackets. This goes against everything I stand for. I usually only fill out one bracket. I don’t have the time or the desire to select the winners of 64 NCAA Tournament games more than once. One bracket entered into multiple pools. That’s how it works for me. Which is why this is so unprecedented.
My plan has a lasting impact, however. I really feel like it could be a game-changer. Two brackets: one filled out while sober, one filled out while absolutely hammered. I’m not talking buzzed or tipsy. Hammered. The kind of drunk you get when you start grabbing body parts and making ridiculously bad jokes. That kind of drunk.
Continue reading The Drunk Bracket Challenge, and Other Weird Sh*t
Sometimes, as human beings, we attempt to mask our disappointment by feigning happiness over an unpleasant turn of events. It’s a method of coping that allows us to repress our true emotions and deal with the reality of the situation by creating a happier state in which to immerse ourselves. Frankly, I think it’s a bunch of crap.
I’m not one to run away from my true feelings, which is why I’m disappointed in the Husky basketball team. I am. I’m not willing to apologize for that, nor am I willing to fabricate satisfaction and congratulate the players or the coaching staff on a season well-done. Don’t get me wrong, they weren’t horrible, not by any means. But clearly the end result of their work was a bit of a letdown and there’s simply no getting around that.
Continue reading It’s Okay To Be Disappointed
As a paid member of the sports media, you have one task: watch sports often enough to speak knowledgeably about it. That is it. That’s all you have to do. You don’t have a tough job like clowns (“I need you to put all this makeup on, along with this ridiculous outfit, then go babysit these kids for the next hour!”), or lion tamers (“I need you to make sure this lion doesn’t kill anyone!”), or even burger-flippers (“I need you to make sure these burgers don’t burn, taste great, and make it safely onto these here buns!”). No, your job is the dream of every sports-loving American ever. So when you suck at it, you deserve to have your ass reamed by punks like me.
I’m talking to you East Coast media. You no-talent ass-clowns, you. Is it so hard to watch sports and talk about them? Huh? Is it? Because I know MILLIONS of Americans that would like to kick you to the curb and take your duties from you. And there have to be hundreds of thousands of us that are capable of doing it, too. Your complacency astounds me and it’s an insult to every sports fan in this great nation of ours.
Continue reading A Rant About East Coast Bias
Thirty-two games in the opening round of the NCAA Tournament (screw you and your “Second Round” designation, NCAA) and I only managed to correctly predict the outcomes of twenty-three of those contests. That’s right. My bracket went 23-9 on Thursday and Friday, good for a measly 71.9-percent accuracy rating. That’s a C-minus in the classroom, but more like the equivalent of an epic fail in March.
It’s no secret that I suck at bracket challenges. I don’t know what it is. I know a lot about basketball in general and spend my winters watching college basketball religiously. And yet when asked to determine a winner between two often-unmatched ballclubs, I can’t do it.
Continue reading March Sadness