Category Archives: Uncategorized

Seattle Sportsnet’s Morbidly Obese Game of the Week

These days it seems like every media outlet has a high school football Big Game of the Week. TV stations, newspapers, radio shows, the ice cream man, your next door neighbor, pedophiles. Everyone but local yokels like Seattle Sportsnet.

Well, that’s it! It’s time we had a Big Game of the Week, too. But our Big Game of the Week can’t be like everyone else’s. Oh no. They’d be expecting that. Our Game of the Week must be…bigger, much bigger. Obese! NO! Morbidly obese. Can’t get much bigger than that.

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Vacation Time

Technically, it’s a stay-cation. Because I’m not going anywhere. Nor am I actually taking any time off from my real job. In fact, it’s not really a vacation. I just need a break from writing for a little bit. And since there’s a bit of a lull over the next week on the local sports landscape, I’ll seize this opportunity to give myself some time away.

I’ll be back in a few short days. You won’t even know I’m gone.

If, for whatever odd reason, you want to subject yourself to my opinions during this brief hiatus, feel free to connect with me on Twitter or Facebook. The links to all my accounts are over there to your right (this way ————>) and I’ll be updating all the social networking venues with the usual regularity. I tend to be better in 140 characters or less, anyway.

Thanks, as always, for reading, and I’ll talk to you guys in a week.

The Day Osama bin Laden Died

I don’t really have much to say. I just wanted to commemorate this moment on my website, and also offer these brief thoughts:

1. America is awesome.

2. Regardless of your political views, every man and woman in the United States Armed Forces deserves our recognition, our thanks, and our eternal gratitude for protecting this nation and stopping the bad guys. It’s that simple.

3. This morning, while hanging out at Green Lake, my Hero of the Day was the person who invented yoga pants. While I truly appreciate his or her contribution to society (and it’s a big one, let’s be honest), Mr. or Mrs. Yoga Pants has taken a back seat to whomever that individual is that pulled the trigger and delivered the fatal blow.

4. I hope they shot that bastard square in the balls before finishing him.

Continue reading The Day Osama bin Laden Died

The Obligatory Heartfelt Reaction

In the past five days, over 1,100 people have shared the Welcome To Motherf**king Seattle article on Facebook. That’s ridiculous. That means over 1,100 people have not only taken the time to read the article, but also share the link on their Facebook profiles. Those are numbers that major media outlets would kill for. I just gotta tell you that I spent two full minutes pledging my love to all of you on this week’s episode of Karate Emergency. I’ve never felt so humbled in all my life. You have no idea how lucky I am. Seriously.

Generally, when I write something that blows up like this, I hate it. I write it because someone else asked me to, or I knew that it would sell on a national level. That’s why it takes off. On the flip side, when I write something I’m happy with, it seems like few people pick up on it. It sits there and stagnates, makes no impact whatsoever. But this article? This is the first thing I’m proud of that’s truly blown up. You have no idea how happy I am. Let me put it to you this way. Let’s say you have a kid. Then let’s say you go around showing off pictures of your kid. Now imagine that 1,100 people are showing off pictures of your kid at the same time. How happy would you be? That’s how happy I am. Words can barely explain it.

Continue reading The Obligatory Heartfelt Reaction

Break Time

It’s been quite a while since I’ve taken some time off from this site, and with a million different things going on that demand my attention these days, now seems as good a time as any to take a break. On top of that, there haven’t been too many positives to discuss on the local sports landscape, and negativity gets old fast.

So Seattle Sportsnet will be away for a few days, but rest assured we’ll be back. While we’re gone, take some time to visit some of our partner sites or revisit some of the articles from the past. It’ll be like looking through your high school yearbook, only not quite as awkward.

Here’s hoping the M’s sweep the homestand and Terrence Jones signs with Washington!

NFL Draft Live Thread

Because we’re looking for things to do.

4:38 PM: With the first pick in the 2010 NFL Draft, the St. Louis Rams select QB Sam Bradford. Anyone else think he looks like Phil Nelson on steroids? This might just be me. Anyways, moving on to whoever gets to be the next Lions bust…

4:44 PM: Detroit surprises no one by selecting the guy with the first name that means “House of spears” in whatever language they speak in Cameroon. Seriously. But with a last name like Suh, I’ll be honest — a few months ago I thought he was at least half-Korean. Of course, the real task here will be for Suh to try his hardest to fail in the NFL. These are the pressures of being a Lions draft pick.

Continue reading NFL Draft Live Thread

Friends of SSN Hand-Deliver Help To Haiti

If you frequently check out the site and enjoy what we do, I urge you to read this post and help make a difference.

As you all know, everything we do here comes with no benefit to us at the back end. We work for free, we enjoy it, and we never ask much of you guys. But every now and then, there comes a time when we need your help, and with the devastation currently ongoing in the nation of Haiti, now is that time.

A close friend of Seattle Sportsnet will be leaving on Monday to hand-deliver aid to the people of Haiti. So far, he and two friends have raised close to $20,000 to help pay for food, medical supplies, electricity, and most importantly, water.

Continue reading Friends of SSN Hand-Deliver Help To Haiti

Source: M’s Sign Felix Hernandez To Contract Extension!!

According to ESPN, the Seattle Mariners and starting pitcher Felix Hernandez have agreed to terms on a multi-year contract extension that will keep the right-hander in a Mariners uniform beyond 2011.

Terms of the deal have not yet been announced, but the extension will undoubtedly cover Hernandez’s final two arbitration years (2010 and 2011) under his current contract.

On a side note, this is the best news of the offseason so far for the M’s, with all due respect to Chone Figgins, Milton Bradley, Cliff Lee, and the rest of the signees, of course.

More details on this story as they become available. For now, praise Jackie Z!

Go M’s!

Happy New Year!

Let’s hope 2010 is just as great a year in Seattle sports as ’09 was!

Now let’s go kill some Ducks.

And remind Ernie Kent why he should have thought twice about taking a booster’s daughter to Mexico out of wedlock. Yep.

Go Dawgs, M’s, Hawks, Sounders FC!

And R.I.P. Sonics (pour one out…respect).

Happy Holidays!

Still on vacation in South Carolina, so updates have been limited as a result. With Christmas almost here, we’ll hold off on any big posts until the weekend, at least, and we’ll be back in full swing by Monday.

Hope everyone is having a good holiday season so far, and that your Christmas Eve and Christmas go wonderfully. Looking forward to getting back to Seattle, I feel like I’m missing out on a lot of sports action right now.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Sometimes, There Are More Important Things Than Sports

On a day we should be celebrating — wins by the Husky football team, Husky men’s basketball team, and the Seahawks were the highlights of this victorious sports weekend — tragedy has struck our region in horrific fashion.

Those of you in the area are likely aware, by now, of the murder of four local police officers, gunned down while sitting in a coffee shop early Sunday morning. Officers Mark Renninger, Tina Griswold, Ronald Owens and Greg Richards — all a part of the Lakewood Police Department — were randomly targeted while going about their daily activities, then shot and killed in a violent act of cowardice.

Law enforcement agents are currently in the process of arresting a person of interest in the quadruple murder, and we can only hope that there will be closure in the near future for all those close to this situation.

A senseless, malicious act that comes not one month after a Seattle police officer was murdered in similar cowardly fashion while sitting in his squad car on an otherwise routine evening.

Tonight we pause from our usual focus and remember four dedicated individuals who gave their lives in the line of duty. Our thoughts, our prayers, and our sincerest condolences go out to the family members, friends, loved ones, and co-workers of the fallen. May justice prevail.

What Is The Super Megapost?

The Seattle Sportsnet Super Megapost is a collection of topics suggested by you, our readers, and addressed by us, the Seattle Sportsnet staff. Anything is fair game, so long as it doesn’t cross our fairly lenient decency boundaries, and all the suggested topics will be addressed in the coming days in our Super Megapost.

This is your opportunity to be a part of the site and send in your suggestions for our articles.

To participate, you can comment on this post with your suggestions, or contact us through Facebook.

Thanks for your help!

A Note About Commenting

Just a quick note about commenting on articles: You don’t have to enter your email address in the email field. I know some people are wary about providing that info, even when it says it won’t be published, but no need to worry because you don’t have to.

Really, you don’t have to fill anything out to comment, you can leave all the info fields blank if you like. So go ahead and fire away. Let your opinion be heard.

Also, one more quick thing. If you’re watching Monday Night Football, you may have heard Jon Gruden just say this about San Diego receiver Malcolm Floyd: “They call him M-80, ’cause he can explode in your face if you’re not careful.”

Kanye West Emerges From Helium Balloon, Declares Beyonce’s Video As “Best Of All Time”

heliumballoon“Look, I’mma let you finish with your news reporting on this crazy ass balloon thing here in a minute, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time.”

At least that’s how I heard it.

Here’s the full story.

And for the record, if you name your kid Falcon and build giant helium filled balloons as family projects, this kind of thing is bound to happen.