For the past two months, one of my friends has been telling me all about the Princess Jasmine costume she’s planning on wearing for Halloween. She’s been hinting about this costume, teasing about this costume, to the point where everyone who knows about this costume is anxiously awaiting its arrival. She also happens to be ridiculously attractive, making the whole getup that much more appealing. At the same time, all this anticipation has kept the idea of All Hallows’ Eve fresh in my mind.
Halloween costumes are never an easy thing. October 31st seems to sneak up on you every year. Without proper preparation, you end up dressed as a hobo, a monster, or Dracula, all of which are ill-advised counterparts to the Princess Jasmines of the world.
That’s why I’m here to help. I’ve come up with 11 costume ideas you might find useful. As a Seattle sports fan, most of these should resonate with you. And if you manage to pull any of these looks off, you’ll be more successful at your Halloween party than any of our teams have been in 2011.
So without further ado, let’s get in the holiday spirit and start the trick or treating…
Continue reading Top 11: Halloween Costumes for Seattle Sports Fans
Uniforms are a hot topic in sports these days. Thanks to schools like the University of Maryland, it seems that everyone has an opinion on the advent of the athletic jersey.
Here at Seattle Sportsnet, we have our own thoughts on uniforms. Namely, we seek to improve them. Which is why we’re here today with 11 ways in which we plan to do that.
Because it starts with a plan and ends with action. We just happen to be lazier than most of you, so we’ll take care of the plan as long as you act on it. Are we good? Okay, cool.
Let’s do this.
11. Wear more pink
Unless we’re fighting breast cancer or honoring one of the Care Bears, it seems like pink is completely jettisoned from all uniform designs. My question: Why?
Continue reading Top 11: Ways To Improve Your Team’s Uniforms
Because this was the steroid era of American sitcoms.
11. Zack Morris, Saved By The Bell
Zack Morris wasn’t the greatest athlete in the world, but he had his moments. As a freshman, he placed third at a cross country meet, then later starred on the track team in the mile, earning himself the nickname “Running Zack” in the process. In later years, Morris would injure himself as a member of the school’s basketball team, propose the construction of a domed stadium for his teammates on the baseball squad, lead a group of misfits to victory in a week-long set of physical challenges sponsored by the U.S. Army, prove to be a talented beach volleyball player, and even organize a charity wheelchair basketball game for a paraplegic girl he wanted to sleep with.
Continue reading Top 11: Sitcom Athletes of the ’90s
It already happened for Isaiah Thomas thanks to this game-winning bucket. But shouldn’t we all be lucky enough to land on the receiving end of a Gus Johnson play-by-play?
He’s arguably the greatest announcer on the planet and his passion is unrivaled. So why not let him be a part of some of your most passion-filled life moments?
Here’s to wishful thinking…
11. Your wedding day.
“They’ve got the rings…they’ve said their vows…it comes down to this…annnnd…I do! I do! HOLY MATRIMONY!!!!”
10. That time you ate the best sandwich ever.
“It’s got pickles, onions, lettuce, mustard, mayo, six different kinds of meat, there might even be an endangered species in there! He’s got the bread between his fingertips, he’s leaning in for the bite…TASTE EXPLOSION!!!!”
9. The last day of school.
“Time is running down…just a few seconds left on the clock now and this teacher is gonna need a miracle. She’s up there at the white board controlling the tempo, but I’m starting to hear a few zippers now, some murmurs in the crowd…and THE BELL HAS RUNG! GAME OVER!!!!”
Continue reading Top 11: Moments In Life You Wish Gus Johnson Was There To Call
Ah, Twitter. If this little social networking website has done anything over the past couple years, it’s proven to us that high-profile athletes are almost real people, too.
Back in the day, our favorite athletes were enigmatic badasses that patrolled the playing surface and never said much more than a few words to the press. Now, though, those same athletes are staking their reputations on a keyboard and 140-character quips of intelligence (or, in many cases, a lack thereof).
No one ever said the internet was easy. In fact, some of us even fail at it. Athletes are no exception.
That’s why we present to you a list of the Top 11 Ways That Athletes Fail Twitter. Because success is so overrated.
11. They misspell almost everything.
Continue reading Top 11: Ways That Athletes Fail Twitter
In 2010, the Mariners asked you to Believe Big. You did as told. And you were betrayed.
So what do they have in store for you in 2011? Hopefully something more honest, something more straightforward. That’s where we come in.
Whether or not the team chooses to employ any of these suggestions for 2011 is irrelevant. All 11 of these catch-phrases are not only unique, they’re apt. That’s right. Apt. Meaning spot-on, truthful, correctly utilized.
Without further ado, we present to you the Top 11 2011 Seattle Mariners Team Slogans. Because we aren’t all blessed with a job in marketing.
11. Chicks Dig The Ground Ball
Which totally explains why most members of our team are still getting laid.
Pitching, hitting, doesn’t matter. We are a ground ball MACHINE!
10. Twenty-percent of the time, we win every time.
Continue reading Top 11: 2011 Seattle Mariners Team Slogans
Everyone likes do-overs.
The fact is, we don’t always get it right the first time. No one’s perfect. Hence, we dream about nailing our attempts on take two.
That’s why this list has been put together for your enjoyment. It’s an in-depth look at how I would do things differently if I could go back to my youth and give it another shot. With all the knowledge I have today at my disposal, of course.
So without further ado, let’s get on with the show. Because it’s only a matter of time before DeLoreans can fly and wormholes set the world on fire.
*Editor’s note: When visualizing me carrying out these scenarios, please picture a roly-poly young buck who looks a lot like the kid from the movie Up, as displayed to your right. Thank you.”
If I could go back in time, I would…
11. …have a chat with parents who felt it was their duty to bring healthy snacks to Little League games.
Continue reading Top 11: Things I Would Do If I Could Go Back In Time