Category Archives: Sonics

Four Years, Two Months, and Nine Days

If you would have told me on July 2nd, 2008 that in four years, two months, and nine days, Seattle would be celebrating the Supersonics, I would have laughed at you. The Supersonics were gone, taken from us on that very day. And September 11th, 2012? It was a date so distant, so irrelevant to anything more than, well, you know, and so seemingly non sequitur to NBA basketball that it would have made absolutely no sense to me whatsoever.

If you would have told me on July 2nd, 2008, that four years, two months, and nine days in the future, I’d be celebrating along with a community of passionate, tight-knit, basketball-loving, Sonics freaks, I’d have scoffed. Because on that day, way back when, we weren’t that. None of us. We were just…individuals. Who had been hurt. Badly. And didn’t know what to do with our introverted pain.

If you would have told me on July 2nd, 2008 that our community would grow closer over those four years, two months, and nine days, I wouldn’t have believed you. Seattle sports fans had scattered amidst the wreckage of a professional basketball franchise departing our region, distanced ourselves from one another as nearly every one of our local teams staggered to finish their respective seasons of misfortune, and grown apart while losing divided us. We didn’t know what to do with ourselves. Our situation was miserable. We were miserable. And nobody wants to share misery with the equally miserable. So we wallowed alone, miserably.

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Where There’s A Wheel, There’s A Way (or, Overcoming Doubts About An Arena, a True Underdog Story)

Seattle has a knack for approving stupid municipal projects. It’s basically our forte. Take, for instance, the Great Wheel. The Great Wheel, for those of you who don’t know, is a brand new Ferris wheel located on Seattle’s Pier 57. It’s huge and it’s stupid.

Sure, the Great Wheel might very well be a lot of fun. I suppose if you’ve spent the $13 — yes, THIRTEEN American dollars — to ride the Wheel, you’ll probably enjoy your trip up and around its axis. But for the rest of us, the Wheel serves as an example of this city’s utter idiocy when it comes to making decisions.

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Let’s Hear It For The 2012 NBA Runner-Up Oklahoma City Thunder!

Seriously. Heckuva season. No shame in almost winning it all. Lots of people to acknowledge here, so let’s not waste any time.

First off, congratulations to Clay Bennett and Aubrey McClendon, owners of the coveted second-place trophy. That’s fantastic.

Second, to my man Brian Davis, former Seattleite and employee of Fox Sports Northwest who left to become Oklahoma City’s play-by-play guy — stay true, Big Dawg.

Third, to all the players who tried really hard: good effort, good job.

Fourth, shout out to the kids in Africa rockin’ the 2012 Oklahoma City Thunder NBA Championship gear. Enjoy that shit.

And finally, to all the fans out there who don’t know what it feels like to win a title, I give you this:

That’s how it’s done.

Thank you, Miami Heat.

Go Sonics.

Give us our team back, David Stern.

We Are All Heat Fans

The following is a piece I was graciously asked to write for allucanHEAT.com, a Miami Heat site on the FanSided.com network. You can check out the article on allucanHEAT by clicking here, or simply read on…

First of all, I don’t give a damn about the Miami Heat. The Big Three, in particular, annoys me.

LeBron James? He’s an aloof weirdo incapable of normal social interaction. Sure, he’s athletically gifted. But ask him to tell you something honest and he’ll likely panic and jump out the window instead. You can’t trust a guy like that. When he said he was taking his talents to South Beach, he didn’t mention anything about interpersonal skills.

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F**k You, Thundah!

This is an actual scene from Seth MacFarlane’s soon-to-be-released feature film, Ted. It is absolutely glorious. Especially if you’re a Sonics fan.

 

Ted is MacFarlane’s first feature film. He’s best known as the creator of such television shows as Family Guy, The Cleveland Show, and American Dad.

The comedy stars Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, and MacFarlane as the voice of the title character. It premieres nationwide in theaters on Friday, June 29th.

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A Testament to Seattle’s Pain

There will come a day that we have the Supersonics back.

There will come a day that our Supersonics triumph over the Oklahoma City Thunder.

There will come a day that those beloved Supersonics, Seattle’s own, will win this city its second NBA championship.

But until then, we just sit here. In pain, mostly. Because for every ounce of effort we pour into building a brand new facility that will host those days that will come, for every speck of energy we devote to rallying the masses to call out the name of a temporarily-inconvenienced basketball team, for every shred of our collective hearts we exhaust on emotion for those memories the past has given to us, we often find ourselves at the mercy of the reality of the here and now.

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We Don’t Need Your S***, Oklahoma

Smug Yankees Player: We just wanna say, you guys played a good game. And we treated you pretty unfair all season, we want to apologize. We still don’t think you’re all that good a baseball team…you got guts, all of you.

Tanner Boyle: Hey, Yankees! You can take your apology AND your trophy and shove ’em straight up your ass!

In a perfect world, a sinkhole would open up directly beneath Oklahoma City and the entire municipality would just fall right in. There. I said it. And no, I’m not sorry. We’ve all thought it before. We just never say it. Because we’re taking the high road, after all. That’s who we are. We turn the other cheek. Oh, you want our basketball team? Well, alright. We don’t like this one bit. But we won’t speak ill of you so much as we’ll just petition the league for a new team. Because that’s what it’s all about, right? Everyone should get a team. This is Utopia. Teams for all!

F**k that shit.

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The Official Seattle Sportsnet Arena Poll

There has been a lot of misinformation surrounding the general public sentiment towards Chris Hansen’s Seattle arena project. Much of that misinformation has stemmed from poorly-worded and what many consider to be biased — yes, biased — polls.

To clear up any confusion, we here at Seattle Sportsnet have decided to issue a poll of our own. We want to see how local citizens really feel about this new arena that could one day house our beloved Supersonics, as well as an NHL team, concerts, conventions, other sporting events, parties, and other fun things that make life worth living.

This is a simple poll. It’s multiple choice. You can either vote “Yes” or “No.” It’s that easy. Here you go:

Oklahoma Still Sucks

Take a look at this ESPN poll. Anything seem weird there?

The first time the Zonics come to town to face the Sonics, I plan on blowing this photo up, sticking it on posterboard, and writing YOU PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS underneath. Keep it simple, right?

Bring back our Sonics.

Understanding The Economics of Seattle’s New Arena Using the Analogy of Pimping

Imagine, for a minute, that I am a pimp boss. I run this town. I oversee all the pimps on these streets and offer them my protection. I also coordinate their hos. Here ho, go to this pimp, he’ll treat you real nice. That’s how I do it.

Now imagine that you are my top pimp. You’re damn good at what you do. You take your hos out to the track on Pacific Highway South and pull in thousands of dollars every single night. I don’t know how you do it, I just know that I get my biggest cut from you, so in turn, I like you. We get along, you and I. I’m a fan of yours. You’re good to me, I’m good to you, it works.

Now let’s pretend that we just got this new chick. She’s fine. Real fine. She probably shouldn’t be doing this, but we don’t tell her that. This girl could be a model if she wanted to be. But for some reason she wants to turn tricks. So whatever, it’s cool. We can help her out. We’ll call her Brandy.

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Screw It, Seattle: It’s Time To Get Excited

I’m wearing a Sonics sweatshirt today. It’s green, it has a hood, it zips up, it’s nice.

I wore a Sonics t-shirt yesterday. Grey. It’s my favorite shirt. I wear it every week. There’s a faded stain underneath the screen print that most people don’t notice. I get a little self-conscious about blemishes on my clothing, but this one doesn’t bother me so much.

I have a trash can in my room. It’s a Sonics trash can. Right now it’s lined with a plastic shopping bag from Target. This morning, I noticed the bag was obscuring the green-and-gold logo on the exterior. I rearranged the bag. I want people to see that logo when they walk in.

I have a hoop on my bedroom door. When I dunk on it, I’m Shawn Kemp. When I shoot jumpers, I’m Detlef. When I kiss it off the glass, I’m G.P. When I miss, I’m Sene.

I like to search “seattle sonics” on YouTube and see what comes up. I like to mutter “Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuupersonics” quietly under my breath when no one else is around. I get a little excited when I overhear names like “Eddie Johnson” in casual conversation.

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The Lovingly Incensed Fan Base of the Seattle Supersonics

The NBA likes to pretend we don’t exist. That we don’t care about them and as a result they, in turn, don’t have to care about us. Seattle? Where’s Seattle? Is that a village or something? What is that?

We had our basketball team stolen from us and relocated a thousand miles away in the middle of God-knows-where. That was bad enough, certainly. But it was made worse by the fact that we were repeatedly slandered after the pillaging. That the thieves made off with our prized possession, then tried to convince the masses that we didn’t care about being hijacked. Seattle fans are apathetic, they said. Seattle fans don’t deserve our product. Seattle fans haven’t been showing up to games, or cheering for their team, or even giving a damn about what happens on the court with their Sonics. Seattle fans weren’t good enough, they claimed.

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Shawn Kemp: The Greatest Dunker in the History of the World

The best dunker in the NBA right now…has a perm. If this were a matter of determining who the best dunker in NBA history with a perm was, then by all means Blake Griffin would win. He would edge out Paul Mokeski by a landslide. In fact, it might be a unanimous decision in Griffin’s favor. But sadly for the Clippers’ young forward, greatness is not determined by the hair upon one’s head.

If greatness were, in fact, determined by the hair upon one’s head, then Shawn Kemp would not only be the best dunker of all-time with a tilted flattop fade, but also the best dunker of all-time, period. End of story. You know he was the greatest. It goes without saying. And that fade? It was filthy. F-I-L-T-H-Y. How many people have you ever seen with a tilted flattop fade? One. Shawn F**kin’ Kemp. Nobody else has ever dared to do that with their ‘do. And if they tried? People would just laugh and call them Shawn Kemp imposters. Because Kemp was that prolific. Pro-effing-lific.

I like Blake Griffin. I do. For a guy who looks like the offspring of Cory Matthews and a Monstar, he’s pretty good. He plays a decent game. He fields lob passes nicely. He can navigate a Kia with the best Korean drivers in the world. He’s even made me a part-time Clippers fan (full-time Sonics fan, however…that will never change). But when it comes to dunking, he is the senpai to Kemp’s sensei. Bow to your sensei, Blake Griffin. Bow to him!

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41 Reasons Seattle Deserves To Have The Sonics Back

One for every f**king year of history we have.

1. We’re the Seattle Supersonics, the only team in NBA history to have the word “Super” in our nickname. That’s not by accident. We’re super awesome.

2. We used to play our games in the Coliseum, which is so highly thought of that the Romans named their ancient structure after our much more modern one.

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