Category Archives: Seahawks

Seattle’s Savior, Paul Allen

paulallenThere are many of us who still remember the lead news story on one fateful evening in February of 1996. As families turned on television sets across the region, we were informed that a caravan of moving trucks bound for Southern California had hit the road that day, packed to the gills with two decades’ worth of Seattle Seahawks history. Unceremoniously, our football team and all its belongings were gone, destined to become the Los Angeles Seahawks of Anaheim.

Owner Ken Behring, a festering pimple of a human being, was to blame for the heist. A real estate developer by way of the Bay Area, Behring had acquired ownership of the Seahawks in 1988 and proceeded to spend eight miserable years running the ballclub through the turf, beneath the concrete, and well below the surface of the ground.

While Behring, the real-life personification of a bumbling Scooby-Doo villain, acted quickly in shuttling the team out of town, the NFL and King County reacted with even speedier precision to halt the vans and return them to the Pacific Northwest. The shoddy relocation attempt was thwarted, and a humiliated Behring was forced to sell.

Almost immediately, a white knight emerged. He had built his fortune in the software industry, but his passion lay in sports, music, and later, philanthropy. He already controlled one major sports franchise – the NBA’s Portland Trailblazers – but had the bank account to afford another. Unlike his basketball team, this organization would be rooted in his hometown, rather than 173 miles south. With the stroke of a pen and a boatload of cash, Paul Allen committed to buying – and saving – the Seattle Seahawks.

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For the 12s: Houston Texans

Joe Jurevicius, a receiver who played for the Seahawks prior to 2012, scores in a 2005 matchup versus the Texans

For the 12s is a recurring installment at Seattle Sportsnet. Every week we’ll preview the Seahawks’ upcoming opponent, with each gameday primer geared towards those individuals who have been fans of the Seattle Seahawks since no earlier than 2012.

Big news in Seattle!

Your Seahawks made a noteworthy move this week, signing veteran defensive end Dwight Freeney to shore up a defensive front that recently lost Cliff Avril to a season-ending injury. While many 12s may recognize him as a journeyman who bounced around the league throughout the duration of their fandom, Freeney was actually really good prior to 2012!

A seven-time Pro Bowler and a member of the NFL’s All-Decade Team in the 2000s, the 37-year-old established his Hall of Fame career as a member of the Indianapolis Colts. Freeney’s wisdom and unquestioned talent should be a welcome addition to a Seahawks defense that will be facing a tough task this Sunday.

The Houston Texans come to town and are certainly no pushover. Though their brief 15-year history makes Houston the youngest franchise in the league, they are coming off two consecutive division championships and are a perennial power in the AFC, which is a conference in the NFL in which the Seahawks used to play.

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For the 12s: New York Giants

Seattle’s Cortez Kennedy tackling New York’s Rodney Hampton in a game prior to 2012

For the 12s is a recurring installment at Seattle Sportsnet. Every week we’ll preview the Seahawks’ upcoming opponent, with each gameday primer geared towards those individuals who have been fans of the Seattle Seahawks since no earlier than 2012.

The only thing giant about New York’s second-best football team right now is the number of losses they’ve accrued in the season’s first six weeks. At 1-5, the lowly G-men somehow managed to escape their winless start to 2017 with a wholly unexpected road victory in Denver a week ago. The thin air, it seems, must have kept Eli Manning’s passes from being intercepted.

Once upon a time, however, the Giants were quite good! They’ve won a pair of championships in the last decade and are the only thing besides Roger Goodell and fully inflated footballs that seem to slow down the New England Patriots.

Interestingly enough, the rise of New York’s Super Bowl contending teams coincided with the evolution of the Seahawks as we know them today.

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For the 12s: Los Angeles Rams

For the 12s is a new installment at Seattle Sportsnet. Every week we’ll preview the Seahawks’ upcoming opponent, with each gameday primer geared towards those individuals who have been fans of the Seattle Seahawks since no earlier than 2012.

The Rams are back! You may have heard this recently and been thoroughly confused. Where did the Rams go? Were they ever really gone? Haven’t the Rams always been terrible? All valid questions.

Over the course of the past five years, the Rams have indeed been quite bad. While the Seahawks have dominated the NFC West and the 49ers and Cardinals have flirted with the postseason, the Rams have been entrenched at the bottom of the standings. Perhaps the only consistency has been their ability to play Seattle tougher than almost any other opponent during this time; which, in and of itself, is quite admirable.

Interestingly enough, the Rams haven’t always struggled! In fact, prior to 2012, the Rams, at times, excelled. Believe it or not, they even won a Super Bowl in the 2000 season behind a high-flying offense dubbed “The Greatest Show on Turf” – a moniker earned due to the team playing its games on AstroTurf, an artificial surface that has since been replaced by Field Turf.

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What’s Eating Richard Sherman?

shermannEight weeks ago, right before Halloween, a six-foot-three-inch, dreadlocked Harry Potter stepped to the podium at the Seattle Seahawks’ practice facility and delivered a weekly press conference on behalf of defensive back Richard Sherman. From the cloak to the spectacles to the wand he carried in his hand, the costume was convincing enough that onlookers couldn’t help but laugh.

How many professional athletes could have this much fun with their obligatory meeting with the press? How many celebrities would subject themselves to the silliness of a holiday for children by dressing up as a character from their favorite fantasy novel? This was Richard Sherman at his most human and his very best – charming, hilarious, witty, and fun.

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Mr. Walsh’s Wild Ride

walshThere was no doubt in anyone’s mind that Blair Walsh would nail that kick.

It was a chip shot, a 27-yard attempt from the left hash, an absolute gimme.

The field goal would give the Vikings a two-point lead. The Seahawks would get the ball back with a little more than 20 seconds remaining in the contest. The Vikings might squib the ensuing kickoff, force the Hawks to field the football in the frigid cold, attempt a return, and take time off the clock. Or they might blast it to the back of the end zone for a touchback, as they had routinely been doing, in spite of the conditions. Either way, Russell Wilson wouldn’t have much time to lead the offense down the field in search of a victory.

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Karate Emergency Ep. 2.12: You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out

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Slickhawk returns after a few days spent with a murderer, and the crew has lots to discuss.

The Huskies put a whooping on the Cougars in the Apple Cup, the Seahawks have more questions than answers in the wake of a critical injury, and Jerry Dipoto is out to save the Mariners by dealing everyone he comes in contact with.

On top of that, Kelly has a new meerkat, this one more famous than his constituents, and Alex got shot in the face.

Happy listening!

Know Your F@#%ing Opponent: Arizona Cardinals

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After a brief hiatus, KYFO is back on what we’ll call a Wolf Grey Friday. This week’s Sunday Night Football showdown pits your Seattle Seahawks against the mildly-hated Arizona Cardinals. Know them, learn them, loathe them.

There’s a new sheriff in town. And he looks like an aging version of Ralphie from A Christmas Story.

Bruce Arians is the type of progressive thinker who transcends the game of football. He is to the NFL as the inimitable Joe Maddon is to Major League Baseball. Just look at him. Even if you know nothing about his philosophy, you can tell by his trendy eyewear that stat nerds will be whacking off to every decision he makes until the next bespectacled Kangol-hat-sporting savant comes along. Arians understands all the advanced metrics and really, really gets it because JUST LOOK AT THOSE HORN-RIMMED GLASSES, YOU NEANDERTHALS!!!

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Know Your F@#%ing Opponent: Cincinnati Bengals

17Happy Blue Friday, 12s, and welcome once again to another installment of Know Your [Bad Word] Opponent. This week we bring to you the least exciting undefeated team in football, the Cincinnati Bengals. Enjoy.

If you’re a child of the ’90s, as I am, you may remember going to pizza parlors throughout your youth and depositing quarters into machines that dispensed fun, enjoyable crap.  You put a quarter in, you spun a handle, and crap came out. Think of all the things you would never need, the things you couldn’t pawn off at your mother’s garage sale for a nickel. These were the very things kids like you and I were getting out of the veritable money pits polluting the entryways of Godfather’s, Shakey’s, Azteca, Red Robin, and more. Sticky hands, super balls, flimsy keychains made in China — a plethora of junk that could entertain a group of 10-year-olds for two or three hours, at most.

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Know Your F@#%ing Opponent: Detroit Lions

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The bluest of Fridays to all 12 of you reading this! We’ve reached Week Four of the NFL season, and this week’s Seahawks opponent you need to know about is… the Detroit Lions.

Golden Tate is back! The guy who is absolutely, unequivocally, 100-percent responsible for Russell and Ashton Wilson’s divorce is returning to Seattle this weekend to wreck some homes, jack a few doughnuts, and maybe make a catch or two.

What? Don’t pretend like you weren’t consumed by the Golden-Ashton rumors. They may be silly. They may be unsubstantiated. They may not even be true. But don’t deny it: you were sucked into the juiciness like a 40-year-old single woman on Bachelor night.

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Know Your F@#%ing Opponent: Chicago Bears

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Hello 12th People, and welcome to another Blue Friday. Today marks the third installment of our weekly preview on the Seahawks’ 2015 opponents. Our subject on this particular Friday: the Chicago Bears.

The Chicago Bears. My god, are they bad. This might very well be the worst team in the NFL, which may come as a shock to some of you since it wasn’t that long ago the Bears were actually decent. But man oh man, have they found ways to make themselves shitty the past couple seasons.

Let’s start from the top.

Following the 2012 campaign, the Bears fired head coach Lovie Smith, who didn’t totally suck. Rather than hire a better version of Smith to lead them, Chicago panicked and snagged Marc Trestman from the CFL. That’s right, Canada. They hired a quarterbacks guru from football’s minor leagues and expected it to work out. Naturally, it did not.

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Karate Emergency Episode 2.3: Pulling Back the Curtain

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Kam Chancellor is back! But what does it mean for the Seahawks? And how about the 12th Man? Will all the #BlockedByKam fans be vindicated on Twitter? We investigate this and more.

In other news, we check in on Kelly’s dating life and the amazing Zack Morris-esque feat she pulled off on Friday. Plus a little venting on the Chinese president and a news story straight from the Steve Sarkisian school of expense reporting.

Karate Emergency, episode 3: Check it out!

Breakdown Breakdown: Dissecting Video of Bob & Jenks

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Special thanks to The Seattle Times for posting video of our special friends, Bob Condotta and Jayson Jenks, Seahawks beat writers. We’ll periodically review their video breakdowns and provide analysis here. We call it “Breakdown Breakdown.” Enjoy.

0:00 – Bob and Jenks come to you live from a wetland.

0:07 – Jenks doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He’s also holding the mic weird. It’s not a salad fork. You can grab that thing like you mean it.

0:12 – Bob enters the conversation at 12 seconds. He’s the most 12.

Also, he dressed up for this and I’m not sure you people appreciate that enough. He’s sans hoodie, for one thing. What if it rains? Bob is willing to go hoodless and put his hair at risk for the good of this video. He’s usually clothed in weather-adaptable attire, but not today. Today he’s adorned in a charcoal sweater straight from Mossimo’s 1999 boy band music video collection. I own a similar sweater and, when paired with a spritz of PoloSport, it can be quite the aphrodisiac for thirty-somethings.

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Know Your F@#%ing Opponent: Green Bay Packers

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Hello fans, and welcome back to the 12th day of the week, Blue Friday. We have for you today the second installment of previews on your 2015 Seahawks opponents. Our subject on this particular Friday: the Green Bay Packers.

Aaron Rodgers is the best quarterback in the league. There. It’s been said. Everyone get over it. He’s got a rocket arm, the numbers back up his extreme proficiency, and he does it all with regulation footballs, unlike some of his peers. So he’s great, he’s amazing, we all agree.

But is there a more staid human being on the face of the earth than Rodgers? The man is without emotion. He is two droopy eyes, a smile that exudes no real passion, and a voice so monotone that T-Pain couldn’t even vocode it to head-nodding respectability. He is the vanilla in your ice cream, the taupe on your walls, the cardboard on your boxes.

And without a doubt, Rodgers will segue his stellar playing career into a cushy seat in the press box, next to the likes of Kenny Albert or some other schmuck doing play-by-play, then proceed to torment every fan in the NFL by ejaculating overly-agreeable clichés picked up from years of being molded into a social android unto the masses after each and every play. Get ready for that apocalyptic future of football-watching, because it’s coming and you cannot escape it.

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Marshawn Lynch’s Mom is on the #FireBevell Bandwagon

Good news! If you’re one of the many Seahawks fans who would like to see someone other than current offensive coordinator Darrell Bevell calling plays, Marshawn Lynch’s mother agrees with you.

Mama Lynch posted the following diatribe on her public Facebook profile on Monday night:

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I guess it might be time to gas up the #FireBevell bandwagon once again.