Category Archives: NCAA Football

Beyond Seattle: Tim Tebow and Tyler Hansbrough should mate

I’ve never seen two people more perfect for each other than Tim Tebow and Tyler Hansbrough. If it wasn’t against the laws of nature, I could see the two of them hooking up and bearing eight, maybe nine, beautiful children. Who knows, maybe one day they will be able to reproduce together, at which point the Dukes and Florida States of the world better watch out.

Never have there been two athletes as intense about well, everything, than the Florida quarterback and North Carolina power forward. Their combined intensity is probably just powerful enough to light up Las Vegas for three or four millennia. I’d wager that when the two of them finally do get together and make babies happen that they’ll carry out the ritual in a fashion similar to spiders, with one partner devouring the other immediately after the seed has been planted. It’s not out of the realm of possibility.

For all their prowess in the field of athletics, both Tebow and Hansbrough receive mixed reviews from the pantheon of sports fanatics around the nation. While each is beloved beyond belief at his respective academic institution, bitter rivals would just as soon see either of the two individuals run over by a bus or trampled by a pride of lions before ever putting on a uniform again. If you happen to tune into Sportscenter at any point during the day, chances are you’ll hear about one or both of these guys within 15 minutes of switching to the broadcast. It can be a bit overwhelming if you don’t have a constant hard-on for either member of the Dynamic Duo.

Which is why for all the respect we have with regards to the abilities of both Tebow and Hansbrough, it can be tough to truly enjoy what they do when they each have a fatal flaw that seems to rub so many of us the wrong way. Tebow, for example, is just way too sincere. After his team’s only loss this season, Tebow issued a statement in the post-game press conference apologizing for the defeat. The gesture was touching, but the words seemed almost scripted and made you wonder if this guy was human or sent to earth by a planet of Utopians baiting us into falling for one of their kind so they could take over our world. Here’s the video, you be the judge:


Tim Tebow addresses the media following Florida’s 31-30 loss to Ole Miss on 9/27/08.


Unlike Tebow–who, I might add, spends his offseasons giving religious seminars at maximum security penitentiaries, further adding to his legacy as a non-human alien robot–Hansbrough has quite a few more detractors and seemingly lacks the social grace displayed by his gridiron counterpart. Among other things, the UNC forward has a knack for maintaining a crazy look in his eye at all times. As if possessed by some invisible force, Hansbrough never seems to blink and constantly emits a laser stare that could make Steven Seagal uncomfortable. When put in front of a camera, Hansbrough resembles a deer in the headlights who’s been sipping on PCP-infused Red Bull all day; needless to say it’s a little frightening. Then again, I guess you don’t come by the nickname “Psycho T” by being a normal dude.

I’ll admit, I don’t really like either of these guys too much. I’ve never liked Hansbrough, and Tebow was cool until I saw that post-game apology. They’re both great players, but they just don’t seem like guys you could ever sit down and have a beer with. Hansbrough would probably pound fifteen shots first, then chug his beer, call you a bitch and walk out. Tebow would explain to you the social ramifications of alcohol consumption before ordering a diet Coke instead. All the more reason why I fully expect to see a Junior Tebow-Hansbrough walking around in the next twenty years or so. Medical science has come a long way, and it’s only a matter of time…

Beyond Seattle: Was Penn State trying to lose Rose Bowl?

While I was watching the Rose Bowl yesterday, I couldn’t help but yell at the TV:

“Are you guys even trying to win this game?”

Of course, I wouldn’t normally cheer for a non-Pac 10 team in a bowl game, assuming one of the teams playing in the bowl was from the Pac-10. However, when it comes down to money, all allegiances are off.

I had a good chunk of money riding on the Nittany Lions +10.5. That means all they had to lose by was 10 or less to the Men of Troy. The line was strong–or at least I thought it was. After all the talk of how this was going to be a defensive struggle I was predicting a final score of 17-10 in USC’s favor. Unfortunately USC was just faster on both sides of the ball and I could sense the confusion in Penn State’s secondary (I blame the coaching) which ultimately led to their downfall. For some reason I left the TV on after the 24-point clobbering Penn State took in the 2nd quarter. The look on the face of the fans wearing white told the entire story:

That’s just an awkward pleat in the khakis. Trust me, this guy does not have a boner.

24 points! That’s an insurmountable lead! Maybe if I smell my hands things will get better!


The Penn State faithful may not have smelled victory in those hands, but with the second half came new hope. USC’s first drive of the half resulted in a C.J. Gable fumble and Penn State took over. Things look promising when the Nittany Lions actually began moving the ball on their possession.

Unfortunately, hope quickly ended with a serious of questionable decisions that brought the Lions to their knees.

Questionable call #1

4th and 7 with Penn State at USC’s 36 with 6 minutes to go in the 3rd quarter. Sure, a punt here might net you 16 yards. But was a 54 yarder out of range for Kevin Kelly who owns the Penn State school record with a field goal from 53 yards out? To me, a field goal from this distance is less of a risk than a dump off play that nets you 10 yards less than a punt would have. Of course, a field goal also doesn’t make much sense here, until you compare it with…

Questionable call #2

After giving the ball back to USC on QC#1 where the only open player I saw was Jordan Norwood (poor coaching again) USC runs some more time off the clock but amazingly Penn State’s defense stops them. We start the 4th quarter with the teams exchanging touchdowns and the margin is still 24 points. Penn State now has the ball in the red zone with 8 minutes left, 4th and 2 at USC’s 7 yard line. Can someone tell me why they go for it on QC#1 but bring the kicker out this time? They can’t QB sneak it 2 yards for the first down? Or run the same play in QC#1 which netted them 6 yards? What are the coaches thinking here? You’re down by 24 points within 7 yards of getting 6 of those back and they go for 3? Imagining their thought process makes me sick: “Well we’re going to need the the points sooner or later.” Yes, you will. But first you have to get 21 points, then hold USC’s offense which has been cutting you apart to zero points and then your three points actually makes sense.

It was almost as if they were doing some favor to the senior kicker, getting him out there for a field goal for his last game. I think a big fat “W” in the Rose Bowl would count more to him when he looks back on his storied kicking career at Penn State than a pointless 25-yarder.

Questionable Call #3

I can feel the momentum shifting. USC goes 3 and out after the field goal, Penn State scores another touchdown. Margin down to 14. Penn state gets the ball back again after another USC three-and-out with three minutes to go and suddenly QC#2 isn’t looking like such a terrible move. Unfortunately on the first play from scrimmage Daryll Clark gets popped and throws up a duck that gets picked off. First of all, three minutes is enough time to possibly get two scores. Penn State given the same field position had just previously closed the gap with another touchdown in a little over a minute-and-a-half. Sure the odds were long (it would have required a successful onside kick), but did they really need to go for the 25-yard pass play on first down? Aren’t crunch-time drives filled with quick out routes? I have to blame this one on the coaches again because there were TWO Penn State receivers in the middle of the field waiting for that duck, when Clark should have only been looking to the sidelines.

So with that interception the game was basically over. But wait! On fourth down following the interception, USC, unaccustomed to punting late in games, loses 37 yards on a very long snap from their seldom-used long snapper. Penn State recovers the ball at the USC 14-yard line with 45 seconds to go.

Maybe I can still win my bet. All I need is a touchdown…

Four chances. All they do is waste time. And the best part of it? They spike the ball on 3rd down with seconds left to stop the clock and regroup, only to have a delay of game called on them which moved them backwards from the seven-yard line to the 12. Isn’t the whole point of spiking the ball to figure out what you’re doing next in a timely fashion? For some reason I think Penn State was thinking they were down by seven instead of 14 and were playing to tie the game. The next best thing during this “drive” happens when Clark throws up another duck on fourth down to absolutely no one to pad USC’s defensive stats and the game is over.

All I needed was four points.

Penn State could have won this game. They let the game get away from them in the second quarter, then when it seemed like things started going their way the players either made mental mistakes, or the coaches set them up to fail. I’m sure there were plenty more questionable calls during this game, but in the end what matters is what was on the scoreboard…and in turn my wallet.

Not a good way to start the new year for me, but kudos to the Pac-10 for going undefeated in the bowl series this year.

Beyond Seattle: Can We Get a BCS Playoff? Pleeeeeeeease??

Everyone knows the BCS is garbage. College Bowls are outdated, anticlimactic, and trivial. It’s a dog and pony show, and in this day and age sports fans need a real champ–a clear, undisputed champ. Even though I agree that the teams in the National Championship game are the two best teams in the country, it’s still not a legitimate way to choose a the champion of 119 teams.

Like I said, we need a clear, undisputed winner. Right now it’s like Joe Louis and George Foreman fighting for the heavyweight crown while Muhammad Ali was suspended for draft dodging–THERE ARE CLEARLY OTHER TEAMS QUALIFIED ENOUGH TO HAVE A SHOT.

A playoff is needed, there’s no doubt about that. The guys at ESPN showed a hypothetical 8 team playoff bracket on College Football Live based on Barack Obama’s proposition. After seeing it, I wasn’t satisfied. 8 teams is nowhere near enough. 16 is the number we’re looking for. With a 16 team playoff, not only can we include the winner of every major conference (something Obama’s 8 team playoff doesn’t do), every undefeated team (12-0 Boise State was not in the 8 team playoff), and as many teams from each conference that are deserving (instead of the current BCS rule that doesn’t allow more than two teams from one conference to be in BCS bowls, causing a weak 10-2 Ohio State team, ranked 10th, to get a bowl birth over 11-1 Texas Tech, ranked 7th, who’s only loss came to #1 Oklahoma).

My proposed 16 team playoff doesn’t eliminate the bowls either. It’s simple: there are four brackets of four teams–the Rose Bracket, Fiesta Bracket, Orange Bracket, and Sugar Bracket. When those brackets get narrowed down to two teams, the two teams qualify to play in the respective bowl. The winner of each major conference automatically gets the top 6 seeds (ranking them based on BCS standing), then the rest of the 16 teams go according to BCS rank (except to make small changes to avoid same-conference teams matching up in the first round). The winner’s of the Pac 10 and Big 10 automatically go to the Rose Bracket, ACC to the Orange Bracket, Big 12 to the Fiesta, and SEC to the Sugar (regardless of rank; these are the current assignments). First round match ups go according to seeding (1 v. 16, 2 v. 15, 3 v. 14, etc.).

Here’s where it gets a little tricky. The at large games, first round games that do not have an automatic qualifier (one game in each bracket except Rose), are assigned based on an invitation system, much like teams are invited to bowls now.

It would only take 4 weeks, meaning if it started Saturday 12/13 it would end the week before the current national championship game on 1/3. That makes the “a playoff would make the season too long” argument void. Here is what the bracket would look like:

(For clearer image go to http://www.facebook.com/note.php?saved&preview&suggest&note_id=53253762848#/photo.php?pid=27582&op=1&view=all&subj=53253762848&aid=-1&oid=53253762848&id=1072633568)

Once the second round is finished (the bowl games have been played), the final four will compete in a BCS Tournament of Champions (cheesy name, but accurate). Whoever comes out of that will be the crowed champion. Based on my predictions, the final four would be USC, Oklahoma, Alabama, and Florida–in other words, the four best teams in the country.

The best part: you can still play those other bowls and the smaller schools can get their cash out. They could even have those first round games be some of the bigger non-BCS bowls. There are a lot of options. Basically what I’m saying is that it would be an easy transition, contractual/sponshorship-wise, from the current bowl system.

Hopefully, someday, the powers at be will reward college football fans for their years of whining by actually putting together a playoff. I would settle for eight teams, but 16 would be way more exciting. Just look at some of those potential matchups; it could become as big of deal as March Madness–brackets, office pools, the whole works. There’s a lot of money that could be made.

If you guys have anything to add or change, or if you have a way to get in contact with President Elect Obama, please comment and let me know.