Category Archives: NCAA Football

Tennessee’s Hostesses: Redefining The Oral Commitment

Thought about going with “NCAA Probing Tennessee’s Hostesses,” but ESPN already alluded to that in their article.

Yeah so anyways, the University of Tennessee is employing female students to attract high school recruits to the football program. I think they call that ‘robbing the cradle.’

It’s not like this is anything unprecedented. We saw it go down in uncensored fashion in He Got Game. This kind of thing happens everywhere.

I’d imagine, however, that it puts things into perspective for the females in question when they’re labeled ‘hostesses.’ They likely see themselves as jersey-chasing fans of the football program, out to catch an athlete and secure a future with an accidental pregnancy. The NCAA doesn’t see it that way, though. They view them as escorts, ladies of the evening, harlots, sex objects.

Continue reading Tennessee’s Hostesses: Redefining The Oral Commitment

Chip Kelly Unveils Waffle Soul To Rival Nike

chipkellyChip Kelly is weak.

First he drops the hammer on his star running back, suspending the volatile LeGarrette Blount for the remainder of the college football season.

Then, barely one month later, the head coach of the Oregon Ducks backtracks on his honorable defense of good character by stating that Blount could be back playing by November 7th, enough time to get in four regular season games.

What happened to your balls, Chip?

Kelly’s immediate reaction to Blount’s attack on Boise State defensive lineman Byron Hout, however severe, was one made with conviction and a seemingly rational digestion of the events that took place during the season’s first week.

Continue reading Chip Kelly Unveils Waffle Soul To Rival Nike

Dear BYU: You Need To Recruit This Kid

mercadoThe look on his face says he’d be perfect for your school.

This article also shows his willingness to do whatever it takes to kick.

It’s not every day we hype up prep athletes with bright futures.

But this kid, Cameron Mercado, looks like perfect BYU material. Just gotta get that crazy look in his eye out of there. And whatever it is he’s storing in his cheeks.

*Special thanks to Jeremy for passing along the linked article.

Join The Employ Paul Wulff Forever Campaign On Facebook

Washington St Stanford FootballGood news, everyone! The Employ Paul Wulff Forever Campaign is now a reality, and you can join our cause on Facebook.

Simply click here or follow the link on the left-hand sidebar to find the fan page for The Official Employ Paul Wulff Forever Campaign on Facebook. From there, you can become a fan of the campaign, engage in intellectual conversation with other fans of the campaign, and stay updated on the crazy mixed-up world of Washington State University head football coach Paul Wulff.

If you want to see Paul Wulff coaching football forever and ever and ever, then make sure you join the campaign today!

Employ Paul Wulff Forever!

Washington St UCLA FootballOver the past year and two weeks, it has become painfully clear that Paul Wulff has no idea what he’s doing. The head coach of the Washington State University football program is overmatched as a play caller in the Pac-10, and on top of all that his team is virtually talent-less. It’s a bad situation.

That said, I took the liberty of Googling the phrase “Fire Paul Wulff,” to which I received nine individual search results. Either nobody cares about Wulff, or people don’t want him fired, but I’m going with the former.

Next, I Googled “Employ Paul Wulff Forever,” whereupon I received zero, zilch, nil, no results. I broadened my search by eliminating “Forever” from the text, and simply searching “Employ Paul Wulff.” Still no returns. That’s job security right there.

Continue reading Employ Paul Wulff Forever!

Moments/Quotes From The Oregon-Boise State Game That Have Made Me Laugh So Far

Oregon Boise St FootballI will continue adding moments/quotes as the game goes on. Please feel free to add moments/quotes of your own in the comments section.

-“In the WAC, we strive to be champions.” –From an advertisement for the WAC. Keep striving.

-The Boise State return man stiff-arming an Oregon defender to the ground with authority.

-A Boise State defensive back wagging his finger Dikembe Mutombo style at an Oregon receiver.

-“Who would have thought that the Oregon offense would be SO inept?” –The broadcast crew.

-Rece Davis saying something about the “O” on Oregon’s helmet being a scorekeeping device for their fans.

-Lou Holtz talking/spitting.

-Mark May’s trendy white-guy glasses.

Continue reading Moments/Quotes From The Oregon-Boise State Game That Have Made Me Laugh So Far

College Football Season Starts NOW!

espn-college-football-300x287It’s 4:00 PM PDT which means that the moment is upon us: college football season is officially underway!

ESPN is broadcasting the first big game of the year as we speak, between South Carolina and NC State. Okay, so “big” game is being used loosely. But at least it’s not Wofford vs. San Diego State or anything like that.

The nightcap of their CFB double-header features a battle of two UW rivals, as the hated Oregon Ducks travel to Idaho to take on the slightly-less-hated Boise State Broncos. Personally, I find rooting for either team to be a tough task in this one.

On the one hand you’ve got Oregon, the arch-enemy of the purple-and-gold. Nike U. is a symbol of all things evil in this world, in spite of the fact that I wear Nike apparel and really like their kicks, but that’s beside the point. The point is the Ducks, to me, are the sweat on the devil’s testicles, the absolute lowest of the low in terms of the scum of the nether world.

Continue reading College Football Season Starts NOW!

Top 11: University of Oregon Pro Sports Busts

pitcrew1Disclaimer: This list is straight propaganda. If you’re a University of Oregon fan, you will absolutely hate it. If you’re an anti-Duck, it will probably bring a smile to your face. You’ve been warned.

Kick ’em while they’re up, that’s what I say. Just make sure if you’re gonna do it, you aim right for the testes.

No college athletics program is more up right now than the University of Oregon.

Their football team is everyone’s sexy pick to oust USC and win the Pac-10.

Their basketball team went as far as the Elite Eight just a few short years ago.

Their track program is one of the best in the nation.

And on top of all that, they just added a baseball team after more than two decades without one.

Yeah, I’d say the Ducks are flying high, which is why it’s time we bring them down a bit.

That’s why we’ve devoted an entire Top 11 to the pro sports busts who have emerged from the UO. It’s an impressive list, and one worthy of your time. If you hate Oregon, you’ll love this.

(For each entry, we have listed the player’s name, the league he was a part of, and the year he turned pro.)

11. Samie Parker, NFL, 2004

Continue reading Top 11: University of Oregon Pro Sports Busts

Coach’s Son Leaves Shaky WSU Football Program

jtlevensellerWhen your own son turns his back on you, you know things aren’t going well.

That’s exactly what happened in Pullman over the weekend, as sophomore quarterback J.T. Levenseller announced that he would be transferring from the Washington State University football program. Levenseller is the son of WSU receivers’ coach Mike Levenseller.

J.T. Levenseller, who was slated to redshirt during his freshman season, played in four games in 2008 due to a litany of injuries that ravaged the Cougar quarterback corps.

Entering fall practice, Levenseller sat third on the team’s depth chart, but dropped to fourth after freshman Jeff Tuel began to show promise in recent days.

Continue reading Coach’s Son Leaves Shaky WSU Football Program

Why We Love Steve Spurrier (Hint: Because We Hate Tim Tebow)

stevespurrierSimply put, we love Steve Spurrier because he didn’t vote for that attention whore of a bastard Tim Tebow for All-SEC preseason first team QB.

Spurrier claims it was a mistake, but I’d say it was his subconscious coming through to make the right decision.

And now Americans everywhere are in an outrage. Especially ESPN, which cannot BELIEVE, cannot FATHOM, cannot COMPREHEND why someone, ANYONE, would not vote for Lord Tebow for any award that he could capture. This is quite possibly the gravest injustice in the history of mankind.

Now Bristol’s finest are forced to take the airwaves in absolute solemnity, as if someone has just died or something.

There’s Robert Flores shaking his chubby face in pure disdain for Spurrier’s actions.

Now here comes Jay Harris with a torch, ready to burn Spurrier’s home to the ground.

Here’s Tony Kornheiser so irate over Tebow-Votegate that he just invented a new word to fully express his anger as he talked over PTI co-host Mike Wilbon for the one-billionth time: “Frumbobulated.”

Hell hath no fury like ESPN on a day when Tim Tebow has been wronged.

We need to get King Tebow’s take on this slight ASAP. Where’s Erin Andrews when you need her? Oh, right.

Leaf Posts $45K Bond, Apparently Hasn’t Blown All Of Signing Bonus Yet

Uh-oh. He's got that crazy look in his eye. (Bellingham Herald)
Uh-oh. He's got that crazy look in his eye. (Bellingham Herald)

If there was ever a town that Ryan Leaf would be willing to pay $45,000 to exit, it would have to be Bellingham. The former Washington State University quarterback did just that yesterday, shortly after being arrested crossing the U.S.-Canada border in Blaine.

By posting bond, Leaf agreed to turn himself in to Texas authorities by a Thursday afternoon deadline. The ex-first round draft pick is wanted in Texas for drug and burglary charges.

Leaf has fallen on hard times recently, what with his drug addiction, job loss, and home invasion tactics, but that hasn’t kept him from saving a few pennies for a rainy day.

One has to wonder if paying $45,000 for one night of freedom is entirely worth it. Let’s just hope he had a good time. My guess is he went to see The Hangover at Bellis Fair. Good flick.

Tebow opts to stay in school; didn’t want fourth round money, I guess

Oh and in case you were wondering, Tim Tebow is staying in school, opting to return to Florida for his senior season rather than take an early stab at pursuing a backup quarterback job in the NFL. The guy who most experts (and I use that term loosely) have deemed a “bad pro” for his inability to showcase a prototypical skill set for an NFL quarterback, Tebow was projected by many to be a third- or fourth-round pick in the ’09 Draft. That, combined with the fact that he has the opportunity to become a two-time Heisman Trophy winner and three-time National Champion, probably helped nudge Florida’s superman back into his orange-and-blue cape for one more season.

Not that anyone cares or anything. Tebow would have obviously been hard-pressed to justify bolting for a professional career, but that didn’t stop him from making a show of his announcement to come back. Amidst the hubbub of UF’s championship ceremony, Tebow backtracked after finishing a speech on stage, grabbed the microphone, and announced he was “coming back.” Fans cheered, girls squealed, Erin Andrews renewed her contract for one more year, it was great. Good luck with that Tebow. Maybe in your senior season, you can get some reps in at running back or possibly tight end, both positions that guys like Mel Kiper, Jr. (about as reliable as Wikipedia) say you’ll end up at in the pros. Until then, the fourth round of the draft will be waiting for you in 2010.

Beyond Seattle: Tim Tebow and Tyler Hansbrough should mate

I’ve never seen two people more perfect for each other than Tim Tebow and Tyler Hansbrough. If it wasn’t against the laws of nature, I could see the two of them hooking up and bearing eight, maybe nine, beautiful children. Who knows, maybe one day they will be able to reproduce together, at which point the Dukes and Florida States of the world better watch out.

Never have there been two athletes as intense about well, everything, than the Florida quarterback and North Carolina power forward. Their combined intensity is probably just powerful enough to light up Las Vegas for three or four millennia. I’d wager that when the two of them finally do get together and make babies happen that they’ll carry out the ritual in a fashion similar to spiders, with one partner devouring the other immediately after the seed has been planted. It’s not out of the realm of possibility.

For all their prowess in the field of athletics, both Tebow and Hansbrough receive mixed reviews from the pantheon of sports fanatics around the nation. While each is beloved beyond belief at his respective academic institution, bitter rivals would just as soon see either of the two individuals run over by a bus or trampled by a pride of lions before ever putting on a uniform again. If you happen to tune into Sportscenter at any point during the day, chances are you’ll hear about one or both of these guys within 15 minutes of switching to the broadcast. It can be a bit overwhelming if you don’t have a constant hard-on for either member of the Dynamic Duo.

Which is why for all the respect we have with regards to the abilities of both Tebow and Hansbrough, it can be tough to truly enjoy what they do when they each have a fatal flaw that seems to rub so many of us the wrong way. Tebow, for example, is just way too sincere. After his team’s only loss this season, Tebow issued a statement in the post-game press conference apologizing for the defeat. The gesture was touching, but the words seemed almost scripted and made you wonder if this guy was human or sent to earth by a planet of Utopians baiting us into falling for one of their kind so they could take over our world. Here’s the video, you be the judge:

Tim Tebow addresses the media following Florida’s 31-30 loss to Ole Miss on 9/27/08.

Unlike Tebow–who, I might add, spends his offseasons giving religious seminars at maximum security penitentiaries, further adding to his legacy as a non-human alien robot–Hansbrough has quite a few more detractors and seemingly lacks the social grace displayed by his gridiron counterpart. Among other things, the UNC forward has a knack for maintaining a crazy look in his eye at all times. As if possessed by some invisible force, Hansbrough never seems to blink and constantly emits a laser stare that could make Steven Seagal uncomfortable. When put in front of a camera, Hansbrough resembles a deer in the headlights who’s been sipping on PCP-infused Red Bull all day; needless to say it’s a little frightening. Then again, I guess you don’t come by the nickname “Psycho T” by being a normal dude.

I’ll admit, I don’t really like either of these guys too much. I’ve never liked Hansbrough, and Tebow was cool until I saw that post-game apology. They’re both great players, but they just don’t seem like guys you could ever sit down and have a beer with. Hansbrough would probably pound fifteen shots first, then chug his beer, call you a bitch and walk out. Tebow would explain to you the social ramifications of alcohol consumption before ordering a diet Coke instead. All the more reason why I fully expect to see a Junior Tebow-Hansbrough walking around in the next twenty years or so. Medical science has come a long way, and it’s only a matter of time…