Category Archives: NCAA Basketball

The Ultimate Lazy Fan’s Guide to Watching the NCAA Tournament

crying2If you’re anything like my good friend Matt and I, you’ll be glued to your couch the next two days watching the opening rounds of the NCAA Tournament. Matt and I have been planning this for awhile. We each took vacation time for no other reason than to watch 48 hours of basketball from my living room.

In order to maximize our TV watching, I’ve composed a chronological schedule of all opening-round games with locations, times, and TV stations and am sharing it with you. So now instead of panicking when one game ends, you can simply refer to this schedule and flip the station without thinking. I’d get you chips and beer if I could, but this will have to do for now. Happy viewing!

*Note: All times listed are Pacific. Because this is Seattle.

Day 1: Thursday, March 21, 2013

No. of games: 16

First game start time: 9:15am

Last game start time: 6:57pm

Approximate viewing time: 12 hours

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A Totally Uninformed NCAA Tournament Preview

Because when you’re uninformed, you can never legitimately be wrong.

East Region

(1) Ohio State vs. (16) Winner of Texas-San Antonio/Alabama State

This will be worse than when Team USA played Iceland for the first time in D2: The Mighty Ducks Are Back. Winner: Ohio State.

(8) George Mason vs. (9) Villanova

Doubting George Mason has never proven wrong in the past. Winner: Villanova.

(5) West Virginia vs. (12) Winner of UAB/Clemson

Continue reading A Totally Uninformed NCAA Tournament Preview

Cameron Dollar Takes His Team To Quiznos Before Tipoff

dollar3Just read this:

My words won’t do it justice.

I mean, we all know that C-Money has put on a few over the years. Maybe we can blame Quiznos for the weight gain.

There is that Quiznos on 45th in the U. District. Just out of walking range, but right inside driving range. Which explains the problem.

Baby Jesus Jarvis Varnado Can’t Save MSU In Loss

jarvis-varnadoRemember Jarvis Varnado?

You know, the guy Jon Brockman wouldn’t be able to handle.

The Mississippi State forward who was unlike anyone any of us out here on the West Coast had ever seen before.

The guy who once flashed gang signs at Venoy Overton.

The second coming of Jesus, Himself, who was the subject of a special Seattle Sportsnet feature back in March.

Well, his team just lost. Again.

In fact, you might say that Varnado’s Mississippi State team is on a losing streak.

The 19th-ranked Bulldogs lost their first game of the year Friday night to unranked Rider. They also lost their last game of last year to the mighty Washington Huskies. That’s two losses in a row. That’s called a losing streak.

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Cougars Don Their Gay Apparel To Promote Hardwood


The WSU basketball team is promoting their annual Hardwood Classic with this festive background image on local websites.

This rivals the Errol Knight Gonzaga Basketball commercial from back in the day for “Worst In-State Athletic Media Publication of All-Time.”

For the record, the Hardwood Classic takes place on December 22nd at that decaying facility in Lower Queen Anne that a pro basketball team used to play at. Get your tickets before this event gets rescheduled for a Miley Cyrus concert or something.

Ernie Kent and the Greatest Dream EVER!

Ernie attempts to calm a riot incited by the chanting of his nickname, Ernesto.
Ernie attempts to calm a riot incited by the chanting of his nickname, Ernesto.

Woke up this morning remembering every detail of my dream in complete clarity. To call this the greatest dream ever is an understatement. At the very least, we need to refer to it with unnecessary capitalization of letters (EVER!).

So here’s the premise.

I’m stuck in Eugene, Oregon for whatever awful reason and find my way into a basketball arena where I’m quickly trapped along with about 20,000 or so other people.

Unbeknownst to everyone else (but beknownst to me, even though beknownst isn’t a word) we are here to be killed. Killed by none other than University of Oregon basketball coach/diabolical genius bent on world domination Ernie Kent.

Using Detroit Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford as a robot weapon of mass destruction, Kent has plotted to have us all murdered for his pure enjoyment (his motive is not made entirely clear to me, though at this point in my dream I’m in that “act first, ask question later” mode).

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