Welcome back to An Open Vent, SSN’s recurring segment bashing anything and everything that is truly vent-worthy.
Today we examine a new song you may have heard, as well as a group of people you might just despise. No time for dilly-dallying. Let’s get right to it.
1. Pitbull’s latest single.
If you’ve turned on your radio in the past few weeks, chances are you’ve heard Time of Our Lives, the latest single from esteemed Cuban-American recording artist, Pitbull. Featuring a cameo performance by R&B singer Ne-Yo, who can’t seem to separate himself from underwhelming rappers, the catchy tune could very well be one of Pitbull’s finest pieces of work.
Like much of Pitbull’s recorded anthology, however, the lyrics to this song are completely and utterly ridiculous. Whoever pens the bastardized poetry that comprises this three-minute-forty-nine-second track deserves to scribe verses in a remedial high school English class until he or she is brought to tears by the taunts and jeers of ruthless teenagers who could easily seize this person’s job and perform just as aptly.
Continue reading An Open Vent: Taking Down Statheads and Pitbull’s Latest Single
Happy new year, everyone! While sitting in the bathroom scrolling through the same old boring articles on staid pages run by conglomerations, you probably wondered once or twice how this lovely site would make its 2015 debut. Well, wonder no more.
I’ll admit I considered going a different route. I had pondered a long, lovely, flowing piece on the year behind us and the year ahead. Something beautiful, perhaps, that possibly evoked a tear or two. And in time, that article may come. But then I went back to the gutter and resorted to what it is some say this website does best (or worst, depending on your perspective).
And so, with all the brimming positivity undoubtedly polluting your life these days, we bring you three things that are really bugging the crap out of us, in this, the second installment of our recurring series An Open Vent. Because no matter what other people say, there’s nothing wrong with getting those panties in a bunch sometimes.
1. Funding fanaticism.
Continue reading An Open Vent: Funding Fanaticism, Resolutionaries, and the Ineptitude of Community Centers
You wanted Melky Cabrera. Melky Cabrera signed with the White Sox.
You would have settled for Alex Rios. Alex Rios signed with the Royals.
There are few, if any, starting right fielders left on Major League Baseball’s free agent market. But your Seattle Mariners still happen to be in search of a right fielder, market be damned. And you’re on the verge of freaking out. God forbid the team go to war with a designated hitter manning Safeco Field’s spacious nether reaches. Or worse yet, heaven help them if they bring back the likes of Ichiro.
You’re in full panic mode. But fear not, sports fan: it could be worse.
In the inaugural installment of An Open Vent, we bring you the unbridled rage surrounding three things that are unequivocally shittier than the Mariners’ seemingly futile pursuit of an outfielder. So sit back, relax, and prepare to get even more pissed off than you were before.
1. Mr. Playoffs.
Continue reading An Open Vent: What’s Worse Than the Mariners’ Pursuit of a Right Fielder?