Unwittingly, the lowly Redhawks are about to be victimized by Dawg Pack Alumni Night, one of the few games on the schedule where aging UW alums who once jumped and screamed rowdily in the student section return to yell at an opponent most fans couldn’t care less about.
In honor of the occasion, I’ve decided to compile a special edition of Dawg Pack Dirt, the guerrilla gameday info sheet that long ago made its rounds before every contest.
Below is everything you need to root against the loosely-hated Redhawks (in a good-natured fashion, of course), and be sure to don an old Dawg Pack t-shirt on Tuesday night to receive $10 admission into the alumni student section.
-Seattle Redhawks (5-6) at Washington Huskies (7-3)
-Washington Basketball Competition Facility at Alaska Airlines Arena at Hec Edmundson Pavilion
-Tuesday, December 22, 2015, 8:00 p.m. PT
-Seattle, a member of the vaunted Western Athletic Conference, is currently 5-6 on the season, headlined by a 66-52 signature loss to California.
-Seattle University is located in Seattle’s Capitol Hill neighborhood, where parking perpetually sucks. They have a Chipotle near campus and a number of bars you used to go to when you were desperate to get laid, despite the logistical headaches that go along with such efforts.
-The Redhawks are 4-26 all-time against the University of Washington. They have lost the last 10 matchups between the two programs.
-Seattle is coached by former Washington assistant Cameron Dollar, in his seventh year at the helm. Two of Dollar’s assistant coaches, Lance LaVetter and Darren Talley, are former members of Lorenzo Romar’s staff at UW.
The players :
-A transfer from Big Bend Community College in Moses Lake, Westendorf is Seattle’s leading scorer (11.9 ppg) and top distributor (5.1 apg).
-Westendorf hails from Auburn, home of the SuperMall, and is a graduate of Kentridge High School.
-According to his LinkedIn profile, Westendorf lists his major as Interdisciplinary Liberal Studies and claims to care about the following causes: Children, Education, Environment, Health, and Human Rights. He also possesses skills in Microsoft Office, College Basketball, Team Leadership, Strength Training, and Social Media.
-Westendorf has just two connections on LinkedIn and 263 followers on Twitter, despite alleging skills in Social Media.
-Westendorf is a noted Adele fan:
Adele is the truth
— Brendan Westendorf (@ImNumber_0) October 31, 2015
-Westendorf also lists his favorite movie as the Will Smith classic, Hitch:
Hitch is by far my favorite movie. — Brendan Westendorf (@ImNumber_0) October 7, 2015
-A Federal Way High School grad, Montoya averages 5.8 points and 1.4 steals per game.
-Though he shoots 53.3-percent from three-point range, Montoya is just a 54.4-percent from the free-throw line.
-Montoya, pictured below, bears a striking resemblance to former NBA player and noted crazy person Delonte West:
-Montoya has yet to deactivate his MySpace page. I feel you there, bro. We can bring it back together.
–Montoya’s LinkedIn profile (why do all these guys have LinkedIn profiles?) lists skills in Leadership, Respectful, Communication, Efficient, Goal Oriented, Youth Mentoring, Discipline (kinky), and Strong Work Ethic. We all should be aspiring towards skills in Respectful.
-A quick glance at Montoya’s Twitter timeline seems to indicate he may be lonely and seeking attention:
I haven’t been a MCM for over a year “cough cough” V.F.G 👀😞🚶🏽
— Exclu$iv✊ Hand$o〽️✊ (@WhiteChoc2015) December 22, 2015
-Kavas appears to be redshirting during the 2015-2016 season.
-Cohee, a former Mr. Basketball in British Columbia, averages 7.9 points and 2.5 rebounds per game.
-Cohee has attempted 17 shots from beyond the arc and made just five, good for a 29.4-percent mark on the year. So he’s basically late-career Kobe at just 19 years of age.
#13 G Emmanuel Chibuogwu, 6-7, RS Jr., Seattle, Wash.
-Chibuogwu is a graduate of local basketball powerhouse Shorecrest High School.
-Chibuogwu averages just 9.8 minutes per game, lowest among all active players on the Redhawks roster.
-Chibuogwu’s .273 field goal percentage (6-22) is also lowest among all active players on the Redhawks roster.
-Chibuogwu’s younger sister, Onyie, is a member of the UW track and field team.
-Shaughnessy is the token “guy you want shooting” if you’re an opposing defense. The guard has hoisted 43 shots and connected on just 13 this season (.302 FG percentage), including a cringeworthy 4-of-22 (.182) from three-point range.
-Shaughnessy’s LinkedIn profile boasts skills in Leadership, Social Listening, Quick Learner, Talking Points, and Business Development. In his personal summary, Shaughnessy notes that “being very detailed” is “very important to me,” though this seems to contradict his listed major, “Buisness.”
-Appearing in just four games thus far, Spurgeon has seized his precious moments on the court to shoot 2-of-12 from beyond the arc, good for a .167 mark. Should a blowout ensue on Tuesday, the Lakeridge High School alum may get ample opportunity to drain three-pointer number three.
-The Redhawks’ fourth-leading scorer, Powell averages 9.0 points and 5.6 rebounds per game.
-On his Twitter account, Powell shares insights on “females”:
Lol boy do some females keep stuff started and be in everybody business when it really ain’t got nothing to do with them…. — William Powell (@williampowell22) December 20, 2015
-Powell also appears to be on a mission to obtain a copy of The Lion King. Please help him feel the love tonight if you see him.
Excuse me guys does anybody have the lion king movie on did so I can borrow it? It would be highly appreciated.
— William Powell (@williampowell22) December 3, 2015
#23 G Manroop Clair, 6-2, RS Jr., Vancouver, B.C.
-A transfer from the University of Hawaii, Clair is Seattle’s third-leading scorer at 9.5 points per game.
-With 27 three-pointers made in 60 attempts, good for a .450 percentage, Clair is the Redhawks’ most accomplished long-range marksman.
-The lone senior on Seattle’s roster, Crook leads the team in minutes (32.0) and rebounds (7.5) per game. His 11.3 points per game rank second behind Brendan Westendorf.
-Among other tattoos, Crook is that guy with a permanent Affliction shirt inked on his back. Don’t be that guy:
-A seldom-used reserve, Moore has seen a total of 24 minutes of action in just two games this year.
-Moore is a graduate of Bellevue High School.
-Moore’s Twitter game needs a great deal of work. C’mon, Zack. At least get a current photo up there.
-Menzies is, in all likelihood, the tallest person on Capitol Hill. His numbers are underwhelming in spite of his height. But who cares. He’s tall as shit.