Everybody, Chill: The Mariners Are Just Fine

mariners-fan-catches-foul-ball-in-beer-then-chugsYou people are insatiable.

Three games into a 162-game season and you’re flipping out like Drake just walked in the room wearing your favorite team’s jersey. It’s goddamn ridiculous. Get ahold of yourselves.

There are precisely four possible outcomes for a team’s win-loss record after three games – 0-3, 1-2, 2-1, and 3-0. And because the Seattle Mariners haven’t achieved the very best outcome, we’re out here losing our shit on a Wednesday night because THE SEASON IS RUINED.

First of all, cool your tits. There is still 98.15-percent of the 2015 campaign left to play, so I think time is on the Mariners’ side.

Second, this has happened before. The 1997 Seattle Mariners, for one, began the year with a 1-2 record. The ’97 M’s then went on to notch 90 wins, conquer the American League West, and make the playoffs. This isn’t new. This isn’t earth-shattering. Get over it.

Third, here’s a look at Seattle’s record through three games over the past four years:

2014: 3-0

2013: 2-1

2012: 2-1

2011: 2-1

What do those four seasons have in common? They each failed to result in a postseason berth. And the Mariners’ combined record over those four years? A less-than-robust 300-348, good for an unimpressive .463 winning percentage. Fans were losing their minds for entirely different reasons after strong starts in recent years and it ultimately meant nothing.

A pair of losses over the course of an entire baseball season is the veritable equivalent of drinking a pair of beers on your thirtieth birthday. Sure, you know those beers aren’t good for your overall health and well-being. But they aren’t going to kill you. And when you’re on your deathbed decades from now, are you seriously going to look back and wish you hadn’t drank those two beers? What about all the other beers? Why are those two beers so special? And what about all the drugs? And the weird sex? And that time you developed a rash after a one-night stand and let it go unchecked?

I’m rooting for the M’s. Just like always. No matter how often this organization may irritate me or let me down, I flat-out love this team, love baseball, and love Seattle. We’re star-crossed lovers living in a modern-day Verona.

But at the same time, I want this ballclub to win so you and I don’t have to hear from the crazed lunatics who will tie themselves to train tracks every time the team can’t eke out a victory.

I want this club to win so we don’t have to read masturbatory, thousand-word essays from fanboys who want nothing more than to fill the internet with pompous I-told-you-sos in order to combat their own personal self-loathing.

I want this team to win so we can do stupid, goofy shit at Safeco Field all season long and not feel bad about it.

I want them to win so we can turn on our television sets every night and tolerate a ROOT Sports broadcast together, as one, while polluting social media with our emotions as every moment passes.

But most of all, I want the Mariners to win so we can all be sucked into the compelling nature of the underdog in sports as we passionately and unabashedly celebrate a team we’ve waited on for so long.

With each and every victory, the Mariners can lead us to all of this.

The fact is, the Mariners, like every other team in Major League Baseball, may or may not suck this year. They may or may not be great, as well. After a trio of contests, we know nothing. We have no idea which teams will suffer and which will succeed. The sample size is minuscule to the point of being near-irrelevant.

There are 159 games left to play in what should be an exhilarating season. Relax. Enjoy the ride. It’s going to be a great summer.

Go M’s.

One thought on “Everybody, Chill: The Mariners Are Just Fine”

  1. Still feel the same way you idiot. Been a Mariner fan since 1977 so don’t blow smoke up my ass. You obviously know nothing about baseball if you thought this team would do anything this year. Just read your article and even on April 8th this was one of the dumbest and uneducated articles I’ve read. Next time do some homework use your head and not your heart. Someday I hope to see a World Series hell I’ll take the playoffs right now. But none of this will happen until this organization stops living in 1995 and 2001 and get a GM who can build something and a manager who isn’t a yes man. Lou was the only good manager we’ve ever had and he left because the M’s only care about $ or the bottom line. Don’t give two squirts about the fans or winning.

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