The Goddamn Clusterfuck of a Circus That Is Howard Lincoln and Chuck Armstrong’s Mariners

wedgequittingGod damn it, Mariners. Your manager just quit on you. He quit! That doesn’t fucking happen! This is the major fucking leagues! What the hell are you doing? How on earth can you possibly explain this disaster? What. The. Fuck.

And he isn’t the first. Not at all. Not even the first this decade. Mike Hargrove quit on you in 2007. In the middle of the goddamn season. He just up and left. Got in a pickup truck and literally drove away. He was so aggravated by the crazy shit you pull that he took a road trip through the country and left Major League Baseball altogether.

Do you assholes even understand what is going on here? Major league managers DO NOT QUIT THEIR JOBS. Ever. It doesn’t happen. They’re making ridiculous amounts of money to babysit adults. This is their dream come true. They’re at the pinnacle of their profession. Why the hell would they ever quit? It would be foolish to quit. No one would do it. And yet…and yet…I can hardly believe this…you’ve had TWO managers quit on you in the PAST SIX YEARS! WHAT THE SHIT?!

And if you want to go back just a little bit further, you had ANOTHER manager quit on you in 2002, when Lou Piniella up and decided it was time to leave. You drove away the greatest manager in the history of the organization because you people are CRAZY! YOU’RE CRAZY! You assholes are nuts and you don’t even realize it! You’re the woman on Maury with eight babies by eight different men wondering why you can’t keep no man while simultaneously proclaiming you don’t need no man while holding eight fucking kids you can’t raise to be men while wearing a leather mini-skirt and heels and talking about your job as a ten-dollar-an-hour stripper in the middle of the goddamn ghetto, goddammit look in the mirror, stupid! This is some bullshit! All of it! All of it is bullshit!

This is all your fault, Chuck. You too, Howard. You senile old bastards have to be some of the worst executives in the history of American capitalism. This organization is making money in spite of your wrinkly, decrepit asses. This organization is being carried by the people beneath you, people behind the scenes who nobly come to work for you crazy fucks every day for God knows what reason. They deserve better than you. We all do. And yet you won’t leave. Why the hell won’t you leave? Just leave.

Eric Wedge quit on you because he got fed up with the same bullshit that every Seattle Mariners fan is equally fed up with. And Jack Zduriencik, whether you fire him or he quits first, is next. Jack hasn’t been great at his job and this organization could probably do better at the General Manager position. But just like Wedge, Zduriencik can do a whole lot better than you. Here’s hoping both men find success elsewhere, success they NEVER would have found here. Because one can only conduct a runaway train for so long before it crashes, burns, and blows to smithereens.

We can all do better. All of us. Every fan, every coach, every player, every employee working beneath you, everyone. Every fan that pays your goddamn salary, that just wants to see this team win, that lives and dies by a baseball team that treats its loyal supporters like absolute crap. Every coach that has to wonder day in and day out whether his job will be secured by a bunch of idiots always looking to find the next scapegoat. Every player that has to wonder if and when he will be cut, a scapegoat in his own right, while being surrounded by the negativity that permeates a losing ballclub. Every employee that’s done his or her job each day without the benefit of seeing the organization succeed. And every single goddamn one of us that just wants the Mariners to win a World Series, which we cannot do with a pair of morons running the franchise.

Get out, you bastards.

 

30 thoughts on “The Goddamn Clusterfuck of a Circus That Is Howard Lincoln and Chuck Armstrong’s Mariners”

  1. I have had Mariners season tickets since 2000. I fell back in love with the game after the damn strikes. NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE. Thanks Howard and Chuck. You really do not get it, do you? You have had plenty of chances to make things right. Griffey left you twice!! And Jack Z. even with your BS selections of Figgins, Morse, Montero, Smoak,etc. etc. etc. How the hell do you expect to take a step forward now? Another year of empty promises, well no more $$$$ from me and Safeco can become the site of the NHL arena you idiots wouldn’t even support. By the way, you never figured out the supply and demand thing on beer and concessions did you?

  2. We’r giving you the slow clap, then building…building…and then a good ol’ movie-like moment of insane cheering. A Safeco Field’s worth of ACLS-level cheering.

    Bravo, good sir.

  3. Just embarrassing. Time for ownership to give into every fans wish and give up the team to someone who cares. In no way has this team’s main goal been to win, and it gets harder every year to watch a team of past-their-prime veterans and rushed prospects with no promise in a big league uniform take the field. It sucks to even go to Safeco now since there’s about 10 people at every game.

    Why do we put up with it? …cuz damn it, we love baseball. Nobody likes playing the fool… I’m guilty.

  4. Am I the only one saying “good riddance”? He had a job offer for next year, he wanted a multi-year deal. Any ownership in their right minds wouldn’t give him that, it’s throwing money away if he were to suck, again. Wedge had a propensity for taking good hitting prospects and scaring them into batting just above the Mendoza line – at that, he was consistent. And thankfully, this relieves us the embarrassment of him getting thrown out of a game and dropping over dead with another stroke. Question: is anyone in major league baseball going to touch him for a manager’s position next year? I sure wouldn’t.

    The problem with Mariners management is not that Wedge left, it’s that they were just about to take him back for another year. Now that’s a disgrace.

  5. The bottom line is you could put Dubs the Husky mascot in place as manager instead of Wedge and nothing would change with Chuck and Howard still at the top of the fing circus of an organization. The bottom line is Chuck, Howard, and JACK Z especially have been utterly terrible at constructing a Major League roster. Fans in this town get too obsessed with young prospects instead of focusing on the only matters winning World Championships. The most valuable lesson I learned when I worked in the UCLA Athletics department was that doing everything possible to help your teams in their quest for national championships within NCAA rules is the only the thing that mattered. The bar needs to be competing for championships not 70-90 and being utterly irrelevant when it comes to Mariner baseball. My expectation is that every team in this town does everything possible to compete for championships win, lose or draw.

  6. Another year where I just did not drive in to Seattle to catch a Mariners game or 20. We, as a family have found that a trip to a Rainiers game is easier, cheaper and more satisfying. We feel more welcome and appreciated and the whole organization is determined to win. I have missed the bigs but am willing to wait for a team that is motivated, from the top down to go all the way.

  7. Chuck and Howard have been the problem with this team for over a decade. Multiple losing seasons over the last 12 years, and all dumb and dumber do is increase seat prices!!! They both need to resign their positions immediately!!! This team has had hall of fame caliber players like Ken Griffey Jr., Edgar Martinez and Randy Johnson all on the same team, and still not a sniff at the World Series. Now, we’ve had yet another manager quit because he is fed up with how dumb and dumber are running this team. The Mariners need new ownership now, and we need to get rid of the morons in the front office.

  8. Dale, Chuck and Howard have been the problem for over a decade? How about they have been the problem for over 35 years!!

  9. That was absolutely fucking epic. Fuck those two assclowns. This franchise is doomed to failure until they’re fired. Wedge quit because they suck. Wedge can do better elsewhere.

  10. This is for all you morons who love to hate baseball.The game sucks and everybody makes way to much money.Quit bitching and watch football.Go seahawks

  11. It’s just crankyness all around because living in seattle is just depressing as hell.. I’d quit too even if the owners were nice guys!

  12. Right on. Managers have come and gone, but the two guys at the top are still there. Do us all a favor and retire.

  13. This was one of the best tirades I’ve hear in one helluva long time! You said what most of us are feeling! BRAVO!

    I won’t quit on my Mariners but I quit hoping for a series after Hargrove left… well, actually after Lou left!

    Let’s hope the right people read your post and the comments to it!

  14. This is absolutely one of the best rants I’ve heard….and is EXACTLY what I and so many other Mariners fans feel!

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